Your boyfriend masturbating behind your back

**Thomas Hepburn** · 08-17-2011 12:25 PM

We've had a lot of threads about this. Can I say now that the vast majority of men would rather have sex with their female partner than do it themselves. Remember that he chose you because he fancied you, you were sexually attractive. To all those women who moan about this, can I suggest you do the following; a) Ask yourself if your man is getting sexual release at the intervals he requires?, b) Offer to give him a hand/mouth job whenever he needs sex but you don't, c) Offer to take control of his penis and make sure that he is regularly satisfied. If you do all this and he still prefers his own hand, then I suggest you get another man.

**Little** · 08-17-2011 12:56 PM

I think it's healthy and necessary for a person to take charge of their own sexuality, so long as that charge is not damaging to their partner.

It's simply not feasible to satisfy a partner with a significantly higher sexual need than one's own every time they have "the itch." Personally, when I don't want to have sex, I don't want to give a hand/blow job either.

The "problem"s associated with masturbation seem to be more varied and complex than your post gives credit to.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-17-2011 04:26 PM

I agree with Little on this one,

Certainly, a "person" needs attention, or else will take the matter into their own hands, however, we also aren't supposed to be robots, you know? Okay so he needs sex 3 times a week, I'm not interested in the third one, I'm tired, oh I better give him a blow job instead... How does that work, robot, robot in, out.. I don't think my man would enjoy that at all.

I on occasions however, realise that I've not been there as much that week, and I've entertained the thought in my mind, got myself around it to feel good about it and then, gone and woken him up "that way"..that is what constitutes giving.

I am wondering though, what your thoughts are on ensuring a woman does not masterbate behind her boyfriend's back?

**elizathornberry** · 08-17-2011 05:02 PM

I don't like it because, personally, I send my boyfriend explicit pictures whenever he asks (When we're not together).. Literally every time. and we have a great sex life, I'm always down, we usually do it 2-3x PER DAY when we're together (haha I'm not even kidding!).. Sooo I don't get why he can't use my pictures the rest of the time. He keeps saying he doesn't care about it that much but then he can't live without it. Seems like it's becoming an addiction. And porn addictions can be very bad, they start small and slowly build up. I've seen them ruin relationships, because at first the porn is satisfying. Then, like any addiction, they need/want more and more and more for it to still be satisfying. Then eventually the porn doesn't do it anymore, they have to move on to real people, etc. And in rare cases they end up like serious (sometimes child) rapists. Most serious rapists have a history of a pornography problem. This is the most serious cases, but it's very very easily to get addicted to and I've seen it ruin a few very good marriages/relationships. that's why I don't like it.

**ItsASecret** · 08-17-2011 05:44 PM

t's simply not feasible to satisfy a partner with a significantly higher sexual need than one's own every time they have "the itch." Personally, when I don't want to have sex, I don't want to give a hand/blow job either.

Same here. When I do not want sex it is because I do not want sex. Often that also includes anything associated with it. And I do not want to feel like some prop or a hole to stick his penis in just because I am not a flip switch away from being horny. None of the "hey hun come here I need you to blow me because I am horny and you do not want to have sex". No. If I am tired it means I am not aroused, it means I am tired and have no interest in trying to get aroused. Sometimes sure I will do it because I am simply not in the mood for sex but I would be willing to give him oral or hand action. No problem there, but certainly not if I have come home from a long day at work exhausted and he asks me to blow him just because he has a high sex drive.

**Elanor-Jane** · 08-17-2011 06:08 PM

Ok so do most women not masturbate??? I would say that my sex drive is level to my partners ( but he doesn't bug me I BUG him) and I masturbate when he's away for work etc and I feel like I'm a healthy 26 year old woman! However as mentioned above I don't think there should be a need for women to look after their men sexually so they don't masturbate. I don't request this off my bf why should he? WTF this is so random! Who cares if people masturbate if your still having sex with them? If u feel as though it's effecting your sexlife or upsetting you emotionally that much don't b with that person but you'll b hard pressed to find a healthy male who doesn't occasionally masturbate! It's NORMAL!!!

**Elanor-Jane** · 08-17-2011 06:20 PM

Elizathornberry- It's been found in research that porn can be harmful if a man is choosing it over a healthy sex life or expecting partners to emulate what they watch in the porn. This is more common in younger men that have no real concept of sex compared to what they see in porn. Men like Russel Brand have admitted to having had a sex addiction which I'm guessing encompassed alot of porn and he was an extreme case rehab etc, in your mind the natural process would make him one step away from a child rapist??

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-17-2011 07:28 PM

Let me throw this out there.... not all men who masturbate do so because they're not "releasing their load" frequently enough. Some men (and women) do it simply because they want to, enjoy doing it etc. I have been with men who it didn't matter what I did to try to please them, would masturbate as soon as I was out of sight. I had a BF (whom I didn't live with but saw daily) that I had sex with daily, yet every night he'd lay in bed and masturbate. It was just "something he did".

I don't like the idea that in order to keep a man please I have to be a Full Service Station. As the other ladies have said, we get tired, there are times we don't want sex, and sexual acts are often more to us than just a "release" so if we're not in the mood, it turns a blow job or a handjob into just that, a job. Perhaps it's a mans nature to need that release quite often, but it's also in a womans biological nature to ovulate, yet many of us chemically surpress that ovulation in order to be able to please our men without condoms and fear of pregnancy. It is also in a womans biological nature to physically only crave sex during high fertile times (disclaimer: some women are horn dogs all the time...I'm just talking nature here). For many women, there are only a few days out of an entire month that her body actually craves intercourse and that is because she is fertile and her body wants to reproduce. For those women, sex at any other time may be enjoyable, but it's certainly not high up there on her chart of things to do that day.

I do believe a couple should make every REASONABLE effort to keep each other satisfied. But, I do not think it's wise nor healthy for a woman to feel pressured to scratch her SO's itch every single time he itches. I also don't think it's healthy for a man to feel like it is her DUTY to do so, and if she doesn't at any given time, he'll find other means.

Masturbation is healthy. (I did not say PORN is healthy...I said masturbation) But as with everything else in life, that need for "release" can be taken too far. And there comes a time when self control has to come into play.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-17-2011 07:34 PM

I am actually not sure why "Porn" entered this conversation to start with?

I can't see that being part of the OP's discussion. And I am therefore wondering if this will be turned into a Porn thread instead of perhaps what the OP's opinion is on masterbation for a man and what role a woman should play, that it doesn't appear that us women totally agree to

**kristalyn_04** · 08-17-2011 07:55 PM

Well, I'm currently single but, I can honestly say I don't care if he masturbates on a regular basis. In fact, I would expect that, it's healthy and normal. It's only a problem if it interferes with the relationship in a negative way (i.e. getting off to porn instead of wanting sex). Most likely, if I "caught" my guy masturbating, I would ask if I could help.

As far as giving in whenever he is horny, I don't agree with that. In any relationship, even those with a good sex life, there will be times when one wants sex but the other doesn't for whatever reason (being tired, sick, stressed, etc). There needs to be mutual respect and compromise. Giving in is being a pushover, and I would think that a man would rather his SO actually want sex, want to pleasure and be pleasured, not just do it to get him off and get it over with. That's no fun.