Thread: rough oral

I'm new here and well I'm not sure how to describe all this I feel pretty dumb. My b/f is great we're both pretty young I'm only 18 he's 26. We've been with each other for about a year. We're a little wild I guess for some sexually and its always been good. I'm open to whatever and we have great sex together and I feel like he cares about me.

He's been getting into rougher oral sex where he like gags me a lot and holds my head down. We've played around before with like role playing and stuff. But he's really getting rough with me. He holds my mouth down on him while I'm coughing and I can't breathe. He's made me vomit before like that. bI know this looks so stupid and I feel dumb but I really care about him. He does it a lot of times after he's been in my butt too. OMG I feel so embarassed about this. I swear he's really a nice person and we are great together. This has just been bothering me lately and it feels like he's getting rougher with me.

If he's doing these things and you are not comfortable with them, then he is certainly not acting like a nice guy. He's doing things that can be harmful to you with no regard for your personal safety. And that's dangerous. For you and for him (I know, personally, when I feel I'm in physical danger, I bite first, ask questions later).

However, if these are actions that turn you on, or have the potential to turn you on, if you felt a little more secure, then there's nothing wrong with that, and you should not feel embarrassed (although, if it was me, I'd make him wear a condom during anal if oral was to follow). What you need is a safety signal, something he can't ignore, to tell him that you don't feel safe. And the rules of a good, rough relationship are that when you use that signal, he stops, no questions asked, and takes care of you. And if he won't do that/you can't trust him to do that, I would not get into those situations anymore.

Please, please, don't compromise your sense of personal safety and power for someone who won't take care of you. Good, safe BDSM relationships can be had. Can one be had with this guy?

If you haven't already, you need to talk to him about it and tell him you don't like it (if you don't). The age differential between you two may cause you to feel you are not in the position of power, but you are. You have the vagina! And you always have the option to bite. If you talk to him about it and tell him you are not comfortable with these action and he continues it, bite him. If he gets angry, tell him you informed him that you did not enjoy that **** so that is what he gets.

OMG I can't imagine biting him he would die!! I don't know about it really he's wonderful and I like playing with him. I do know he's getting rougher. I guess sometimes it's OK and sometimes I feel like a ragdoll. I'm really small anyway. This doesn't make sense so anyway thanks for your ideas about it. I don't want to be used but I don't want him not to think I'm fun either.

BTW - why the condom for oral? Just asking. I don't think he would go for a condom when he's doing my butt, or any other hole for that matter.

The condom is because: There are SO many nasty bacteria and other things in your that you do NOT want in your mouth! Putting a condom on him either for the anal and then taking it off to go down on him later or letting him ride bareback and putting the condom on him for the oral will keep you from getting VERY sick from all the nasties that are on his **** after it comes out of your butt. I would NEVER think having anal sex without a condom was a good idea (if I had a penis especially) because of all those bacteria. Anal sex can cause micro tears in your anus and those bacteria can get into the tears and infect them horribly. And, they can get into his urethra and give him an infection also.

Just a side note: if he is unwilling to use a condom to make you happy then he is an incosiderate and you need to drop him because he is no good. You need to think about yourself, your happiness, and your health because that is the only person you have in the end....yourself. Take care of yourself and tell this guy to **** off.

For your safety, I urge you to stop this rough play with your beau until the two of you are able to have a serious conversation about boundaries and safety signals. If you can't have that conversation, you shouldn't be doing this. In movies and such bdsm may seem very spontaneous, but it is the result of a great deal of trust and open communication. Seriously, if you continue down this path you could get seriously hurt.

I understand that you seem to be somewhat sexually inexperienced and bashful about all of this, but you need to practice some self care. He is not respecting your physical boundaries and he is putting you in serious danger of injury. If he cares at all about you and isn't just using you to get off, he will talk with you about boundaries and will respec them. If he doesn't, you need to kick him to the curb.

Good luck, and take care of yourself!

Honey, it doesn't matter whether he thinks you are fun or not. It sounds like you are not comfortable with the way things are going and really you need to have a good long talk with him before you get intimate with him again. Rough sex is fine if you are both into it, but if you are getting to the point where he is making you vomit, if you can't breathe...well, you need to set some limits. And if he won't agree to your limits then he is not a man you should be with.
PS. You wouldn't use a toothbrush that had been up someone's would you? Then you need to rethink the oral after anal sex. Seriously, you can get very ill.

Originally Posted by ladyspec23

OMG I can't imagine biting him he would die!!

Personally, I think being prevented from breathing or getting sick from e-coli is way worse than a little nibble to get one's attention.

It really doesn't sound like he's respecting you, even if he is generally a nice guy. There are your desires to consider, but also your health, and it doesn't sound like those have been considered yet. Have you talked to him about it at all?

Something is not quite right here. I think he's getting a little too carried away. He sounds a little selfish, and poor you to have to deal with that. TALK!!!

Sounds to me like you two need to have a really good discussion about comfort levels and safety signals. It's ok to like doing something one day, and not the next. If you want to be rough on day fine, but if you don't want to the next time you both need to know a signal that means "STOP IT!" Sex is different everytime so are your feelings on it.

And please use a condom for at least one of the acts. E-coli can make you furiously sick and you know how that happens?, having contact with fecal matter to the mouth and eyes.

Sex is give and take so you need to be able to stand up for yourself and say "hey I don't like this right now, you need to stop."

If you are feeling fine, great go for it! If you aren't though make sure he knows you want to stop.

If you can't have a mature conversation with him about this you are not ready to be having sex, or be serious in this relationship.