Help! My boyfriend won't touch me

**piperjillian27** · 08-19-2011 02:00 PM

I am a virgin and my boyfriend is not. We have been kissing and cuddling but the first time he touched me he said he felt nothing. He told me that he fantasizes about me while masturbating and that works but when he touched me for the first time there were no fireworks. He is now drawing away and I am afraid I will lose him. I told him that I think we just need some time and communication but he thinks there is something irreversibly wrong.

**kygirl** · 08-19-2011 02:08 PM

Piper,

have you all kissed? Did he feel like that was okay?

**oxy-moron** · 08-20-2011 02:44 PM

If I had read your posting without knowing you were a female I would have thought that this a male post about a girlfriend. This is because your boyfriend is behaving like a female.
The fact that he is into Masturbation while he has a girlfriend is a worry as well. I would move on if I were you - Get a new boyfriend with more masculine characteristics.

**Little** · 08-20-2011 04:38 PM

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

If I had read your posting without knowing you were a female I would have thought that this a male post about a girlfriend. This is because your boyfriend is behaving like a female.

What does that even mean?

**oxy-moron** · 08-20-2011 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by piperjillian27

when he touched me for the first time there were no fireworks.

From a male perspective this is not what I would expect to hear from a male. It is a worrying sign.
Also thinks of her while masturbating but not so interested in the real thing?

**jns** · 08-21-2011 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by piperjillian27

I am a virgin and my boyfriend is not. We have been kissing and cuddling but the first time he touched me he said he felt nothing. He told me that he fantasizes about me while masturbating and that works but when he touched me for the first time there were no fireworks. He is now drawing away and I am afraid I will lose him. I told him that I think we just need some time and communication but he thinks there is something irreversibly wrong.

What may be irreversibly wrong is that his masturbation and fantasies interfere with a relationship with you, a real live person. He needs to train himself so that he reacts to a girl better than he does to his hand and that fantasies are not a complete substitution for a real person. He needs to work on himself. Is he willing to do that? If he is not, don't waste your time.

**stressed** · 08-21-2011 09:06 AM

He could be masturbating to an imaginary sexual scene with you so much that he's made it perfect, and far from realistic, in his head (maybe even porn-like). I agree with jns, he has work to do, otherwise he'll never be happy with anyone.

oxy-moron: that even sounded like a 'gender-racist' comment... This behavior and attitude are neither normal for men nor for women. Boyfriend behaving like a female? So women don't touch men and it's okay for them to do so? That's NOT how women are, whether they have experience or not.

**bleachedpink** · 08-21-2011 01:12 PM

You both sound very young (teens?) and he definitely has some issues to work on. I hope you move on and let him work them out on his own. I put way much into relationships when I was 15-22 and I regret it so much. Not one of those guys means anything to me now and I wasted so much time crying, stressing, dealing with their baggage and developing my own baggage. I will walk through for a friend or for someone I love and have a solid relationship with, but to find out pretty early on that a guy has weird hangups is pretty much a deal killer to me.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-21-2011 01:21 PM

This has nothing to do with you, so you need to quit worrying yourself about losing him. You can't lose something you don't have... and it sounds like hes not given himself to you. 1. He's got some psychological sexual issues it seems, 2. He doesn't have a filter, isn't sensitive to how he talks to you. He could have been a lot more delicate in his delivery of .. hey i love to masturbate to the thought of you, but meh, rl you doesnt give me fireworks. I don't think, that makes him 'like a girl' but like a dillusioned person that has built his fantasies up that nothing will compare to them. You sound like you like this guy... but I'd back off if i were you... do you want to have to struggle and fight for him to feel 'fireworks'? wouldn't it be easier and FEEL SO MUCH better to be with a more normal guy that is into YOU... more than the thought of you?

**oxy-moron** · 08-21-2011 07:40 PM

Sorry if my remarks seemed sexist- just shooting form the lip.
For a first major relationship it is unfortunate to strike someone who has built an idealised partner in their mind and making unabashed comparisons with the real person.