my boyfriend doesnt seem intrested in sex......at all! please help.

**pink_sparkle** · 08-24-2011 06:03 AM

Okay this is probably gonna be long and boring to most of you but I need help and advise which would be very much appreciated.
So story is that I was with this guy for 5months before hand and he is a well known player where I am. So we started as f**k buddies but we wasn't even having that much sex to start with 2-3 times a week really. He wanted to change things to a relationship so me being me gave him the benefit of the doubt and got with him. Now thing is sex didn't really improve it actually got less, now he was always seeing different girls but I can honestly say he wasn't doing anything with them but there was this one girl who he always went to and yes I got my back up because she was the only one I suspected he would cheat on me with, anyway basically we didn't have sex for a month and I had enough and ended it.
Now the day after we split I know he was with this girl but anway I cut all contact with him, to me I was going on holiday and the new year was near, it woulda been a fresh start. However I suspected he would get back in contact with me and yes I was right!
New year came and shortly after we started seeing each other again. I did find out he slept with this particular girl when we split and this put all sorts of thoughts in my head and yes it was bought up in arguments all the time because he managed to jump straight into bed with her and it was such a struggle to have sex with me?....confused much. Now before any remarks and comments I have never had any problems with anyone in the past so I don't believe its me.
Okay so we are together now but I've tried everything to spice things up and try and make him interested but nothing seems to work. He enjoys it when were having sex and claims I give the best head and that I'm the only girl who's ever made him c*m with my hands. I just really don't understand. There is never any foreplay from him and he doesn't even go down on me. I've asked him if he doesn't like it but he says he does, I've asked him what turns him on and he's told me and I've done it. He still never really shows any affection or ever initiates it! I really really need some advice because it has now been just over a month again and I'm starting to get very frustrated. I know he loves me and wants to be with me because he changed his ways a lot, I just don't know how much longer I can put up with it.
Sorry to write an essay.

**oxy-moron** · 08-24-2011 01:28 PM

Hi
It sounds like he has some major intimacy issues- he knows what he should be doing and is talking the talk but he is non walking the walk.
The Intimacy issues are most likely to be back in his childhood.
Did he have an alcoholic parent- absent parent- adopted- emotionally barren parents- Over controlling parents? The list goes on.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-24-2011 02:13 PM

It sounds to me like this guy has never really been a partner to you. The only difference this time is that YOU are trying harder.

What are you getting out of this relationship, other than someone to call a boyfriend?

**jns** · 08-24-2011 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by pink_sparkle

There is never any foreplay from him and he doesn't even go down on me. I've asked him if he doesn't like it but he says he does, I've asked him what turns him on and he's told me and I've done it.

If he really liked giving you oral, you would have to push him away at times. He may say it, but his actions speak louder.

**pink_sparkle** · 08-25-2011 12:34 PM

Well his mum left them at a young age. But I don't get why he was able to sleep with so many girls before?

And yes that's what I thought about the oral too.

**stressed** · 08-25-2011 04:38 PM

Maybe because he wasn't emotionally close to the other girls and he didn't discuss a 'relationship' with them. Has he had a long-term relationship before? He seems to be emotionally immature.

**pink_sparkle** · 08-26-2011 02:28 AM

Well he has had a few gf's but one serious one that I know of but that was when he was like 18 or something. This is so hard for me because I was in a 7yr relationship which I wanted out of and I stopped having sex with my then bf completley, I think this is also why this is concerning me so much.
I just need him to be more affectionate and take control of me.