Thread: I Need Help with My Boyfriend

I have been having trouble with my boyfriend for a WHILE, but the story is kind of long. If I don't cover it well enough please ask questions because I need help.

First, I believe that when I switched birth control my sex drive lowered. The reason I think this is because before the birth control I was pretty wild with my boyfriend, and during the placebos I am almost always horny until the new pills start again. I feel bad, and I feel responsible. But I'm trying very hard to put those feelings past me because when I concentrate on them it puts a lot of pressure on me and makes me reluctant to have sex.

Second I have been trying to talk more openly with my boyfriend about sex. Am I always successful? No, but I'm doing my best. I have tried very hard to tell him what I like for him to do and what turns me on. I know it hasn't been perfect, but I also know that he gets it, mostly because of how much and often I've gone over it.

The problem is that my boyfriend doesn't care to get me in the mood AT ALL. It's really frustrating. It's like he will be in the mood, but I am not. I like helping him out, I don't mind. I love him and I like making him feel good. But it's like it never crosses his mind to maybe try to get me in the mood, like he's partly getting what he wants so that's good enough? I'm not entirely sure how to interpret these actions or how to confront the problem.

I have talked to him about these problems before. I have told him that he's going to have to at least put forth a little effort, but he just shuts down. If the conversation comes up he immediately becomes silent. I don't want to feel bad, and I have told him that. I don't care about before as long as we can do something different now.

All suggestions are welcome I just want to make this better.

I forgot to say that I would also like to say that I'm not sure how to convince my boyfriend to try more foreplay stuff, because I think that would help.

Before you say just tell him you would like that I have to say that I am reluctant to do that. He has a pretty low self-esteem and I am reluctant to just say "well this is how it's going to be."

Two things: 1. some birth controls do lower libido. Don't beat yourself up over that. It's not something you can control as long as you're on the pill. And let me guess, you're taking the pill so that he doesn't have to wear condoms, because it doesn't feel as good for him.....yet you're really not being satisfied? 2. It IS okay to speak up for yourself. He's being selfish. He should be eager to please you and it's not a good sign if he sits back and waits for you to please him with no reciprocation. And now because of his low self esteem you have to tip-toe around him? If you're not willing to tell him what you want (though when it comes to foreplay, I don't think you should have to TELL a guy to participate in some foreplay...), and he doesn't have the desire to please you, then there's a big problem here.

Thank you for being on my side so much (it felt really awesome ), but I actually take birth control because I do not have periods without them. Also, when we have sex I make my boyfriend wear a condom anyway because I am amazingly paranoid about getting pregnant. So that really isn't his fault.

Also I hate to put all the blame on him, because I feel partly responsible. I don't think he doesn't want to please me. I think he feels that he can't. He tends to not try things that he thinks he'll fail at. I feel like I am painting the horrible picture of my boyfriend, but trust me that I am not the type of girl that would go out with a horrible guy for seven years.