I don't think my body is sexy enough

**prettylights** · 08-29-2011 03:14 PM

I just don't feel represented by sexual ideals. I just feel my body is disproportionate and gross. I'm not fat. I wish that were the problem. It'd be fixable. But I have several flaws that won't be fixed by exercise: small breasts, big areolas, wide ribcage, thick thighs, cellulite on the back of my thighs and butt, knock knees.

I'm not overweight, like I said, but still I feel so large. I see smaller women everyday, of course most of them are shorter, but I thinkthey look so much more femenine and delicate, beautiful and sexy. I hate that no matter what I do, I just don't look like what men fantasize about.

And I remember that my ex told me once that guys do think that porn stars have the hottest bodies, but that when guys are in love they settle for imperfect bodies. He also once mentioned he thought my breasts were too small and also asked me if there was anything I could do about my cellulite. Then again you have a ton of porn and magazines with perfect women, how can we be expected to feel good about ourselves if we're constantly being told "this is what men want"? Most of all, because men do buy into it. I have read several guys' opinions on several sites and have also heard many conversations among guys, and yeah, they do lie to make us feel better, they do settle, and my ex was right: they all think porn stars are hotter.

This is getting me so down, surgery is not an option for me and I just feel I'll never be good anough. What I hate the most is that guys don't seem to have this same pressure, so even average or downright unattractive guys feel entitled to criticizing normal looking women, like our genes were our fault.

I'm sorry I just needed to vent and I also would like to hear some advice because I'm having a crisis and I'm in tears right now because I don't have the body I wish I had, and even if a guy loves me, I don't wanna be with someone who's only settling for an imperfect body and who secretly wishes he could have sex with a porn star.

**jns** · 08-29-2011 06:20 PM

Actually, a guy in love does not settle. When they are in love they love everything about their SO. They are not lying when they say it. I think your ex was not in love and I doubt he had ever been in love. Guys who have never been in love have a hard time understanding guys who are in love. Several things you listed as flaws I consider to be features (small breasts, large areolae) and the rest I wouldn't have a problem with if the owner had a compatible personality.

**ska1331** · 08-29-2011 06:25 PM

I'm soooo sorry that you've been exposed to too many jerks. Just to set the record straight, not all men like or want the same thing. I personnally don't care for skinny, big chested, blonde Barbie doll types. I also find that I'm more attracted to personalities more so than body types. There are unfortunately some very superficial men out there, but not all of us are that way. I didn't settle when I met my wife who was small chested, with a large rib cage as well, bubble butt, crooked teeth and was too skinny. I had found the love of my life. Her teeth are now straight and she's a little heavier, but still has a bubble butt, bigger thighs and a small chest and I would never trade her for any porn star out there.

**LanaBear** · 08-29-2011 06:29 PM

It sounds like your ex was a complete asshat and obviously didn't do a whole lot for your self esteem. He apparently thinks he was given authority to speak for the whole male population. So, I would completely take what he said with a grain of salt and not even give it a second thought. For crying out loud, it is the shallow guys who wish they could have sex with a porn star, not any guy who is worth getting to know.

I'm not sure any of us have the body we wish for, but, you need to learn to love and appreciate what you've been given. For me, there are little things that can make me feel sexy and more feminine. Putting on a nice bra and panty set, going and getting a pedicure, etc.

However, what you do need to learn is this... As much as women love confidence in a man, men also love confidence in us women. YOU need to feel good about yourself and know that you can knock anybody's socks off. You need to turn your thinking around and become that woman you want to be, nobody can do this for you but yourself. Once you appreciate who and what you are, you will find a man who appreciates you for you as well.

**~jules~** · 08-29-2011 06:49 PM

Your ex was a jerk! He will never be happy with any woman if he keeps the idea in his head that we all should look like porn stars. Your post just breaks my heart because I had a boyfriend that treated me like that. 4 years later and I still have no confidence. I have a wonderful loving husband, so obviously I wasn't as ugly and unattractive as my ex likes to think.

Every person perceives beauty differently. Every person is beautiful/ sexy in their own way.

**Texasred** · 08-30-2011 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by LanaBear

It sounds like your ex was a complete asshat... As much as women love confidence in a man, men also love confidence in us women. YOU need to feel good about yourself and know that you can knock anybody's socks off. You need to turn your thinking around and become that woman you want to be, nobody can do this for you but yourself. Once you appreciate who and what you are, you will find a man who appreciates you for you as well.

Prettylights, here is the perfect answer!

Let me add that a "porn-star" body is just something to look at; real men want a real woman to hold, not just to look at. And I can tell you, as others have said, that it's not "settling" if your lover has some little cosmetic "flaw." The right man for you will think you're just perfect the way you are.
You can find him; he's out there somewhere looking for you right now.

Best wishes,
TR

**Crystalblue** · 08-30-2011 09:51 AM

Guys that point out imperfections about a woman's body have always been a turn off for me. To me, real love isn't loving someone in spite of their flaws. It's loving them for everything they are, inside and out. If someone is rude enough to make a comment reguarding something about my body that they don't like, I see it as them as someone I have no reason to waste any energy on whatsoever. They don't like that about me? Good, I wasn't going to share it with them anyways.

Do things that make you happy, and be the person you want. Life's too short to spend it trying to measure up to someone else's standards. The right person will find you and love everything about what makes you, you.

**Little** · 08-30-2011 10:02 AM

I agree with everybody who called your ex a jerk! He clearly got off on the idea that he could trash your self-esteem. Turn it around on him and get confident! Do what you can to get pretty - YOUR pretty, not anybody else's! If you really find the features you explained here unattractive, you can dress to cover them. But they don't sound at all bad to me.
If you feel unfeminine, start emulating the things you feel make other women feminine. Wear more frills, maybe curl your hair or eyelashes?
At the end of the day, you're YOU and you need to be happy and confident in yourself. I'm suggesting changes because you're unhappy, not because I feel you intrinsically need change.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-30-2011 10:29 AM

Pleeeeeease do not allow a few mens perception of what is sexy determine your self image. Lots of people "settle" in relationships, but not just on physical appearances. Lots of people settle because they don't want to be alone. But there are also LOTS of people who DON'T settle, who truly do fall in love for love. I can think of a few relationships right off the top of my head in which I believe 100% wholeheartedly the couple is truly deeply in love. None of the women in those relationships look like porn stars. Far from it.

A woman who is truly sexy, exudes sexiness. Many men may find porn stars attractive in the sense of "I wanna bang her" type of attractive. That's not how I want the guy I love to see me. What truly gets into a mans heart is true sexiness, someone that exudes sexiness and confidence in every aspect of their life. THAT's the girl they want to marry and love forever, not the porn star.

Small chest in comparison to what? A porn star.
Large rib cage in comparison to what? A porn star.
Too much cellulite in comparison to what? A porn star.

Look what you're comparing yourself to!? I am a b cup, think my butt is big, have some cellulite even though I'm very physically active etc. But I tell myself often that I'm beautiful, because I am. And because I believe that in myself both inside and outside, other people find me beautiful too. That's just how it works.

NEVER be with a guy you feel you're settling for. And never be with a guy who makes you feel like he's settling. There ARE men out there that would absolutely adore your body, whether you want to acknowledge that or not. You can ward them off with low self esteem (because they're looking for a confident woman) while you seek out men who are obsessed with porn stars, or you can learn to like you for you and expect men to follow...and they will. It's your choice.