No Oral For Me...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 09-05-2011 12:11 PM

Thanks for clarifying some more info, that definitely helps me to understand the situation.

It's very concerning and should be a major red flag that someone his age, 4 months into a relationship shows very little desire to please you in the bedroom. This would be a dealbreaker for me. When you feel like someone is just shy, it's fine to "ask" for things to get them loosened up a bit. But when someone is just aloof to your needs and selfish, then I totally agree that having to ask for it ruins the mood.

Too many people (myself included) see major incompatibilities early on in a relationship and choose to ignore them because they just "want to make it work". But it's eay easier to cut the ties early on that after you've been tolerating it and working so hard at it for longer. Lack of desire to see partner pleased, DEALBREAKER. And if he's like that outside of the bedroom too, double deal breaker.

**rcoreyus** · 09-05-2011 03:31 PM

Tell him what you want - clearly, there is some chance he really doesn't know. If after that he still doesn't want do do what you like in bed, then you would probably be happier with someone else. There is nothing wrong with dumping someone because you don't enjoy your sex life. Don't make it his fault (even if it is), just say that you are not compatible.

**Elanor-Jane** · 09-05-2011 08:11 PM

If it were me I wouldn't have dated him again after the 2nd time we slept together and he hadn't gone down.
I'm sorry but I think it just sounds like he is a very selfish screw and he would want to be a pretty frikken amazing person, I'm talking charity drives, cooks for the homeless, always holds my hand, adores his family sort of guy to make me want to train him up.

Is he even worth the heartache? It's four months so get out. There's a reason he's pushing 40 and doesn't have much of a past love life to speak of. He just gets dumped cos he's selfish. U can do waaaay better! Xx

**Mes T** · 09-06-2011 12:12 AM

lol good point, Elanor.

Hon I agree with rcoreyus... I'm sorry but if you refuse to point-blank TELL him that you want oral (rather than hinting at it), then I'm not sure it's quite so fair to make judgements about this guy.

You shouldn't feel weird talking about it - you are a grown, lovely, sexual woman.

And if you REALLY can't talk about it, then yes I think breaking up and finding a new guy who is better at taking hints is the way to go.

**Needahand** · 09-06-2011 07:13 AM

I am a 41 year old male married to a wife who sadly isn't in to giving oral (other types of play is ok though). I would say you have no option but talk to him. - though this didn't solve my dilemma....I am limited to lame oral sex on special occassions only...which is almost worse than not getting it since it frustrates me (am actually not as bitter as I sound).

Point being he needs to know if your needs aren't being met if you want this relationship to last (do you?).

Another thing you might try is give him less oral, and wear sexy 'bottom' wear...like panties or pyjamas that are sexy around the behind. That will bring his focus to the area, and I am sure he will be keen to explore. Sounds simple, and it is, trust me. Good luck and enjoy.

**GoddessOfLove** · 10-01-2011 08:05 PM

So I sort of talked about this with him. It was more like an argument.

I became so frustrated that I blew up at him one night. We were laying on the couch and I was really really horny. We had just had sex earlier but as usual it was no foreplay and him just putting his penis inside of me after removing my pants. So we're laying there and I put his hand down my pants and took my shirt off and let it be known that I wanted him to touch me and kiss me. He distractedly did it for about 10 minutes while watching TV but never tried to get me off or anything. It was more of a tease because he would touch me for a second, then rub my leg, then kiss my nipple, then watch TV, then touch my clit, then rub my leg, rinse, repeat.

Let me preface this by saying I haven't had an orgasm during a sex act with him in probably about a month and a half if not longer. Actually it's only happened twice, both times when I basically put his hand on me while watching TV and made it obvious I wanted him to get me off. And he was going out of town for a month the night this all went down and I just really really wanted to have an orgasm before he left.

I am also going to mention here that I reach orgasm pretty easily. It usually only takes a few minutes of clitoral stimulation, and if I'm really turned on, it can be almost immediate. So it's not like he has to go at it for a half an hour.

So anyway after 10-20 minutes of this, and being completely sexually frustrated to the point I probably could have performed violence on something, I blew up. I asked him if he thought my vagina was gross and if that is why he didn't want to touch it. I asked him if he even cared a little bit about my sexual satisfaction at all. I explained that removing my pants and inserting penis is not foreplay. And I told him that I hadn't had an orgasm in months. And that I was completely sexually frustrated and miserable. He seemed shocked by all of this. He said he thought I was having orgasms, to which I said well you obviously didn't care enough to find out. He said it never even crossed his mind to do things differently or do things to me. I think he knew I was referring to oral to because even though I didn't come out and say it, I said to him that I give you blow jobs, hand jobs, I wake you up in the middle of the night pleasuring you and you do nothing in return. He did seem genuinely shocked and he did mention that I should tell him what I liked. And at this point I explained that I felt that I had tried and he wasn't paying attention, like when before sex I say wait, not yet and he just ignores me and just proceeds to insert penis. The way we left the conversation is that he would try harder in the future and he was sorry.

But he did absolutely nothing to attempt to give me an orgasm before we went to bed. Nothing.

I am going to wait until he comes back and give it about 2 days max, and if nothing has changed and he has no desire to give me orgasms, it's over. Unfortunately I have to wait a few more weeks, so I will continue to be frustrated.

**jns** · 10-01-2011 08:47 PM

It sounds like he was clueless, but beyond that: he doesn't care. But maybe he was waiting for you to settle down a bit. I like EJ's answer about the second date and if no action, moving on. Some guys are very self centered and they don't care what the girl wants - he may be one of them.

**Aiyana25** · 10-05-2011 08:08 AM

A few years ago I dreaded the thought of oral sex! Never minded giving a BJ but hated when someone tried to go down on me- have no idea why! I just had this idea that why would a man like it kind if thing!!!
........HOWEVER that all changed after one amazing experience....so point is maybe he has had a bad experience in the past - someone may have said he wasnt doing it great....or maybe something else may be putting him off??.....try make sure your fresh from the shower(incase hes weird about that side of things) be all sexy and just suggest nicely(after you have already started on him) oh why dont we .....ahem you know yourself and then he may be like yeah! Or he may not get into it, at which stage is the time to ask??? he may revel in the invite....
(sorry if this post is a tad graphic for anyone...) just tryna help

**dlanier248** · 10-05-2011 11:42 AM

Sorry that ANY man does this to g/f or wife. I would gie anything if my wife would let me do that again.

One thing I will say to all women, please tell your guy what you want or like. I have learned that some will not tell. " you can figure it out"