Woman has never orgasmed, even during masterbation

**Puzzel** · 09-05-2011 02:57 PM

Hey ladies, (sorry for the long post)
I'm a guy and I need your help. Don't mean to sound like I am bragging, but I have never had a problem giving a woman multiple orgasms, until now. I'm with a woman right now who has never had an orgasm before, even during masturbation. However, she CAN have an orgasm when doing lower abdominal workouts. She doesn't count that as masturbation, just a nice bi-product of a workout.

She doesn't like to masturbate. She said that her first boyfriend could almost get her to orgasm when performing oral sex on her, but she would stop herself from cumming because she said she is "too self-conscious"...
I have tried everything, and the thing she enjoys the least of all is clitoral stimulation (prefers vaginal and g-spot. We have good communication). I have had intercourse with her for 30min+ on several occasions doing all sort of positions, oral sex for 20min+, fingered her g-spot for 40min+, and I'm starting to get frustrated (yes, I switched it up and didn't do the same move for half an hour). She said it all feels amazing, but plateaus at 8/10 (10 being orgasm), despite being extremely aroused.

What can I do? I am beginning to believe it's all in her head. I got her to do a lower abdominal exercises with me as part of sex, hoping that could "unlock" something, but what takes her 5min to orgasm alone took over 20min to orgasm with me there, despite the fact she was dripping wet. This really leads me to believe she has an actual fear of being seen having an orgasm.
It's been a month and I'm doing my best to hide my frustration. She has told me that I have helped her overcome many of her sexual hang-ups and body issues (even though she is gorgeous), but I can't seem to help her get over this. I've convinced her to try masturbating in "traditional" ways hoping that if she can orgasm like that alone she'll become more comfortable with me doing it during sex, but it's not working and she keeps giving up.

Is it physiological or psychological?
Thanks for any help ladies.

**jns** · 09-05-2011 05:17 PM

It sounds psychological to me. Women as well as men need to let themselves go as they reach the peak. If they hold on, nothing their SO can do will get them over that peak. Exercise works because she lets go during the exercise be she has to. Further, since she prefers vaginal stimulation to clitoral stimulation, she is not having her greatest concentration of nerves stimulated.

Does she get any reactions from clitoral stimulation? Make sure you stimulate through the hood unless she wants more direct stimulation. Done incorrect, there can be over stimulation and/or pain from clitoral stimulation. Try manual stimulation while you distract her with kisses (dry or wet), licks, squeezes and light nips to her other erogenous areas including all of her face and mouth, her ears, her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, her buttocks, her inner thighs, etc. Music may also help.

Try oral if you want to and she is OK with it. Have her on top of you in a 69 position. She does not have to give you oral as it may be a distraction for both of you. Wet your lower lip and rub it on her clitoris. Use your tongue to stimulate her vagina and urethral sponge. Determine where in her vagina she gets the most amount of stimulation. It may be front wall or back wall or elsewhere. Or it may be her urethral sponge. Use your hands to stimulate her thighs and buttocks. If your nose is long enough and she is in the right position, you could even stimulate her anus (an erogenous zone) with the tip of your nose. Put pillows under your neck to reduce neck strain. Every once in a while, use your tongue to rewet your lower lip and give more stimulation to her clitoris. I have personally used this to good result in the past.

**Elanor-Jane** · 09-05-2011 08:28 PM

It's just stage fright. U said she has never had an orgasm but then u say she has, and infront of you?
20 mins is an ok time. I can come in 2-5 min alone and then some times it will take an hr for me to come with my bf. Maybe if she started meditation and then used those head calming tools when she's with you. U need to chill out too. This isn't about you. If she's a worthwhile and giving person just give it time. Your manhood isn't more important than learning how to have good sex with someone you really like. Just stay patient, she is most probably picking up on your frustration also and the pressure is contributing.

May I ask how old she is?

**Puzzel** · 09-05-2011 09:57 PM

Thanks for the replies ladies.
- Don't worry, my manhood is not at stake at all, I have no manhood. I'm a male feminist, which causes me to be gender neutral. She's not picking-up on my frustration at all, she actually believes I am the most compassionate person she has ever met. She is much more frustrated than I am at this point, which blinds her to any negative emotions I may leak, lol.
- Thanks for the sex tips jns, but the problem does no lie in stimulation (or at least not in the traditional sense of how a woman is stimulated). She tells me I am by far the best person she has ever been with and that all my "moves" drive her up the wall. She just can't get past the plateau. And as I said, I have already tried oral and several things over the past month, a lot of which she truly loves.
- She only enjoys clitoral stimulation during oral sex but requires simultaneous vaginal/g-spot stimulation to get her to that 8/10.
- She's 20 y.o, not on the pill or any medication to my knowledge, and like I said, doesn't masturbate. She's able to be a very horny person, but is also very shy. So now she is comfortable walking around naked in front of me, which she has never done with another partner before. So I have made progress with her.
- Sorry for the contradicting "doesn't orgasm" statements, but her "working out orgasm" is nothing like I have seen before. I read an article on it and it has something to do with the pelvis muscles contracting. And like I said, my caressing her, or maybe just simply my presence, caused her to orgasm in 20min rather than her usual <5min. She has these "orgasms" almost every time she works out since the age of 12, so it's hardly sexual for her at this point, and therefore it's hard to call it an orgasm.

To be honest, she's a 'friend with benefits'. We're close friends who frequently discussed our sex lives. Between my reputation as a caring, passionate lover and her never having had a 'traditional' orgasm, we figured that I could actually do her a favour. She now believes that "if even [I] can't give [her] an orgasm, then [she] must be really broken." She thinks it's physiological and I keep trying to convince her it's psychological, which isn't helping her get out of her head, lol. But, we're really good friends and I want to help and please her as much as she pleases me...
I was really hoping to find someone else that is able to have these "work out orgasms" and see if there's a way to use that to my advantage. Or some magical trick to get her out of her head? I promise you, it's been a month already and HER patience is close to running out. She's not giving-up on me, she's giving up on herself...

**jns** · 09-05-2011 10:31 PM

Unfortunately FWB relationships don't have that head-over-heals love component that can make all the difference for some women. The comfortableness of running around naked in front of you really does not compare. I used to go to nude beaches and being comfortable nude had nothing to do with sex or love or emotion. Well, if she isn't in love with you, nor you with her, you are going to have to get out your method acting skills and build a fantasy as if the two of you actually are in love. Be careful, one or the other or both may actually fall in love.

**Elanor-Jane** · 09-05-2011 10:49 PM

Originally Posted by jns

Unfortunately FWB relationships don't have that head-over-heals love component that can make all the difference for some women. The comfortableness of running around naked in front of you really does not compare. I used to go to nude beaches and being comfortable nude had nothing to do with sex or love or emotion. Well, if she isn't in love with you, nor you with her, you are going to have to get out your method acting skills and build a fantasy as if the two of you actually are in love. Be careful, one or the other or both may actually fall in love.

This I agree with. Someone I love and trust I can completely relax with. At 20yo friends with benefits can be iffy... Personally I experienced a similar thing (without the abdominal workout) and it wasn't until I'd had a few good partners that I grew out of it. My only advice would be that she masturbate but it's hard as it is you asking about someone elses issue so we cannot really get all the hard facts and feelings from her perspective. How old are you? I hate to say it but my ex is 40 (I'm 26) and he used to maintain that he could please all his ex's but I was alot harder. So unless we heard it from her we can't really tell.

I know she's frustrated but these things cone with time, and her masturbating. I don't think there's anything u can do

**Puzzel** · 09-06-2011 12:06 AM

- She has had sex with people she loved in the past and never had an orgasm with them. From what I understand, most of them were pretty bad except the first bf, whom she resisted having orgasms with. I really feel like the fact she resisted orgasms in her first sexual experiences is a big part of her problems today.
- If we both end up falling in love, well, I guess that's a beautiful thing. At this point, we are only friends because neither of us see each other being the right long term partner for each other. But, we are great friends none the less.
- She has never let any male see her naked with the lights on, so I do feel like her being comfortable enough to walk around naked with me is a huge step forward and so does she.
- I am 24 y.o. Are my sexual credentials being called into question? There is no point in trying to defend them over the internet, I have nothing to gain or lose and it would just sound like bragging. And anyone could always just say "they were all faking", so there's no point in even trying to convince anyone of anything.
- I am definitely trying the music suggestion. I have already told her to make a playlist for tomorrow and she seems excited about it.
Thanks for your continued help.

**Elanor-Jane** · 09-06-2011 01:05 AM

All I'm saying is you can't fix her problem only she can. Good luck

**Mes T** · 09-06-2011 01:41 AM

Sorry I'm really confused. You said she gets 8/10th of the way there, but then in a different part you said she has had an actual orgasm with you? Or am I reading your posts wrong? I admit I was in a bit of a rush...

The things she is telling you have come out of my own mouth many times in the past, to my partners who I didn't reach orgasm with. Bottom line is she needs to learn how to masturbate on her own, it's pretty much the only way. You can't bring her to orgasm if she doesn't know how to do it for herself. She's got to teach her partners how to do it... no man is psychic.

Frankly I think she's just guessing that clitoral + vaginal + g-spot stimulation is what gets her to the 8/10 mark. I've guessed this in the past too and was proven wrong, once I learned how to actually give myself an orgasm.

It can take some women a lot of self-searching to do this. Unfortunately the more she has sex without orgasming, the more that mental barrier is getting built up. What she really needs to do is lock herself in her bedroom for a few weeks and just focus on HER.

I'm sorry that there aren't any easy answers or quick fixes. I think it's wonderful that she's being honest with you about this - some women bottle it up and resort to faking it, rather than dealing with the issue.

**marcopoly** · 09-06-2011 02:18 PM

What works for me like a charm is massaging her back and body....make sure you first go to a relaxation massage (not full body because this places have happy ending so is cheating) but a massage that can teach you how to give one (more or less), so when I massage her (very gently because we have stronger hands) she goes into a state were she is completely enjoying herself....then, I turn her around, and proceed to work her vagina with the magic wand (super effective in our case - could work for you), it takes for her to cum about 10 minutes with the wand, when i see she is starting to feel arouse, I make sure I lubricate her vagina with saliva, and massage her vagina and then again open the lips and apply the wand again and change to high speed, this pushes her over and cum very intensely...right after, I stop with the wand and i lick her clit very gently and eat her vagiga for a bit and again the wand, I try to giver her minimum one intense "O" with the wand another few small "Os" also with the Wand, and then she is begging me to penetrate her...so it works like a charm.....good luck