Lost desire for sex at age 26!

**khunz** · 09-07-2011 11:27 AM

Hi, i just joined the forum today in hopes someone can give me some advice.

I am 25 about to turn 26 in November. My husband and I just got married in June. We did not wait to have sex until we were married, so it was not "new" to us. He has been complaining that I don't have a desire like when we first started having sex, and that I never initiate sex. When I think about it; I guess that I don't usually initiate it. I don't know why?? It is not like I don't desire him, or that I don't want to have sex. I am not sure what my problem is. I have been doing some research and it seems common for some women my age, but it is becoming a problem and I want to fix it. How can I get the drive back that I had when we first started having sex?? I love him with all my heart and still think he just as good looking now as then. What is wrong with me?? Why has my desire changed??

**LanaBear** · 09-07-2011 12:20 PM

Pretty much all throughout my 20's, I had ZERO desire for sex. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count how many arguments we had about this. I just turned 34 though and for about the last 4 years, things have been AMAZING!

It could be attributed to a lot of things or nothing at all.

Are you on hormonal birth control? That is infamous in reducing our sex drive.

Are you unusually stressed? I mean, you just had a wedding, how are things at work?

Do you have kids?

First, nothing is "wrong" with you.

Don't think that. You just need to shake things up a bit. You have at least realized this and taken the initiative in wanting to correct it. This is the biggest issue many face, they don't want to take ownership of the issue. Once you own up to it, it is on your shoulders to fix it, too much pressure for many.

For me, I always thought back to when the sex was good, it just seemed like it could never get there again. Take some time to yourself. Can you get aroused by yourself via masturbating? Can you get aroused by reading a book or watching a couple be intimate? If your arousal by yourself is still there, that is good. What turned you on in the beginning may not be what turns you on now. You have to find that trigger. I had to make a commitment to myself to start initiating sex once a week, come he|| or high water, I would initiate it once a week. Then that became twice a week, etc. The more we had sex, the more I wanted sex, funny how that works.

It got to the point where I was jumping on him at every available opportunity for a while.

Talk openly with him about what your desires are once you find them. If you need to try new things to get there, then try them, hopefully he will be on board with it. My guess, is he absolutely will be.

This can be fixed, it just takes willingness, commitment and dedication from you. A real desire to WANT to change things.

I know how you feel... Just confused, not understanding WHY this has happened.

**marcopoly** · 09-07-2011 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by khunz

Hi, i just joined the forum today in hopes someone can give me some advice.

I am 25 about to turn 26 in November. My husband and I just got married in June. We did not wait to have sex until we were married, so it was not "new" to us. He has been complaining that I don't have a desire like when we first started having sex, and that I never initiate sex. When I think about it; I guess that I don't usually initiate it. I don't know why?? It is not like I don't desire him, or that I don't want to have sex. I am not sure what my problem is. I have been doing some research and it seems common for some women my age, but it is becoming a problem and I want to fix it. How can I get the drive back that I had when we first started having sex?? I love him with all my heart and still think he just as good looking now as then. What is wrong with me?? Why has my desire changed??

Tell your husband to relax a bit....sex in a marriage is a journey, it is not supposed all it can be the first year of marriage....tell your husband that everything will work out with time, love and patients....he must understand that he needs to be SUPER loving towards you.....if he is doing the best he can, and don't through it in your face, then you'll find that he deserves you initiating sex and you'll try to consciously initiate sex.... every time you do something for your men that you know he is going to appriciate, tell him that you are trying to feel more daring and comfortable, but he needs to relax and wait like a lot of us ( in my case, it took us with my wife, 20 years to feel like we really are in the others mind....good luck!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-09-2011 01:29 AM

If you feel like it's just sex, even if you love him, there is nothing there to look forward to is there? Because the feelings come whilst doing it not before hand. Being "told" you are not willing enough or want to initiate it, has to make you feel there is something wrong with you right?

There isn't.

Ask yourself if he is cheeky with you at any stage whereby your hormones wake up, ask yourself, if he kisses you for no reason and your hormones wake up.

In-other-words it is generally both people that create the distance not deliberately and it is usually why people drift apart.

Ask him to text you during the day, to be playful from time to time when you aren't expecting it, and for you do the same, even wake him up with nothing in it for you, just because and see the changes and honestly if you two aren't dating? Going out somewhere and being mates and laughing and enjoying yourselves as well, start doing that too.

It's natural to slow down we are like rabbits when we first hold that chemistry together

It's work just like everything else to keep things alive, that's all.

CW