He doesn't focus on me during sex. Anyone have any advice?

**Alexandria.Sullivan** · 09-29-2011 10:39 PM

My boyfriend and I have a lot of sex. He knows that I can't achieve orgasm vaginally and also knows that I need some kind of clitoral stimulation to have the big O. I do my best to do it myself when we have sex and when I get really into it that means a short fuse for my boyfriend. I've pretty much stop getting too hot and into it because I know that it takes me waaaay longer to reach orgasm and shorter for him. So I please him and am in a situation where he's sleeping And I'm Hornier than our lovebird that masturbates all day long. He's tried to finish me off several times afterwards but either a. His hand cramps up b. He gets discouraged an stops or c. He's not doing it right because he hasn't taken into account that I've told him how to do it and is jamming myclitoral hood piercing into parts of my vagina that need not be jammed into. I've explained my feelings about it and it seems that he is upset with himself because he can't do it, but hasn't taken stEps to help fix it. And to top it off we have sex at least twice a day and has enough time to practice.
Is anyone else dealing with this? What can I do to fix it, because it is driving me crazy.

**Alexandria.Sullivan** · 09-29-2011 11:00 PM

And forget masturbating. We live together and I feel awkward if he is even in the house and I try. It almost feels like I'm betraying him in some way, if that makes sense. I'm stuck between a vagina and a hard place.

**PinkSandsLover** · 10-01-2011 01:37 AM

Wow. I've known men who would do ANYTHING to bring a woman to orgasm and have that be the end of the session. Maybe introduce a clitoral vibe to help you orgasm first? Maybe masturbate yourself to orgasm while he watches how you do it? Or, how about finding a video of soft porn that demonstrates what you like?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-01-2011 01:55 AM

I do my best to do it myself when we have sex and when I get really into it that means a short fuse for my boyfriend.

And forget masturbating. We live together and I feel awkward if he is even in the house and I try. It almost feels like I'm betraying him in some way

These two quotes are contradicting each other somewhat...

Sometimes we know better "ourselves" on how we like it and it isn't as easy to "teach" someone else straight away, it takes time. Secondly consider taking the piercing/s out, perhaps he is concerned as you have complained and therefore, gets nervous...

If you want something taught you have to be the teacher, no matter how long it takes to teach.

**DSemcho** · 10-01-2011 04:23 AM

I understand that, my husband won't finger me or eat me out because my vagina is fuller because I'm a big girl. It really sucks, but he can get me off by hitting my gspot so it's okay. But I would prefer the two things I mentioned before.

**spurzzz** · 10-01-2011 04:54 AM

Well, he knows that he is not good and as a consequence seems to be taking the easy option out; focusing on himself.
His confidence is low and unless you motivate and encourage your partner the right way, things will only get worse and you will quickly get bored.

It is really a matter of putting some effort in together. walking each other through it, spending a lot of time on Foreplay to learn and explore each other.

Are you both willing to ignore the sex and put more emphasis on the foreplay. Are you both willing to talk about it like trusting adults.
- It will speak volumes about your relationship.

**jns** · 10-01-2011 09:34 AM

I agree with spurzzz. He should be making a real effort to bring you to orgasm first. The benefit for him is that you could be primed for more orgasms after the first and in a shorter time span. This means that you could both orgasm during intercourse simultaneously, which would be mind-blowing for both of you. He needs to try more things in his attempts to bring you to orgasm.

**sheriac5** · 10-01-2011 11:06 AM

I agree with Chandlers Wish, you need to go all out or nothing is going be be accomplished from this problem, you need to stimulate him and yourself anyway possible and feel open about yourself to make yourself feel great too, you need to masturbate for him ,with him watching and either show him you can reach orgasm or have him jump in right near your finishing point, either way, you cant feel betrayal towards your partner showing him what you'll do for him.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

These two quotes are contradicting each other somewhat...

Sometimes we know better "ourselves" on how we like it and it isn't as easy to "teach" someone else straight away, it takes time. Secondly consider taking the piercing/s out, perhaps he is concerned as you have complained and therefore, gets nervous...

If you want something taught you have to be the teacher, no matter how long it takes to teach.

**Seeker_Advice** · 10-02-2011 08:52 AM

To some this is going to sound like a broken record, but I truly believe it helped me and therefore can help others...

Tell him to read a book titled She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D

There is so much that men can learn from that one book.

There is a "book list" in this forum, started by one of our best posters, WildChild, that you and/or he may also find helpful. So do a search on Books on Sex or something similar and it should come up.

**DSemcho** · 10-02-2011 03:14 PM

I'm going to buy that for my husband..... Cause he, for the life of me, cannot figure out what turns me on.... Literally, we're laying in bed and he wants to have sex, and he'll tickle me and go you horny yet? .... "No....." well dang (censored lol) I don't know what turns you on! ... I was like, yes you do... You have to put an effort into it!!