No Sexual Desire

**Mouse37** · 09-30-2011 01:41 AM

I know there have been threads about low sex drive, but they are mostly older and have not helped me... and so here is my situation.

I never really have had a high sex drive, in fact I feel as if my sex drive is non-existent. I've had the problem for about three almost four years now (I am young by the way: 18 almost 19years of age. I started engaging in sexual activities by 15 and had intercourse at 18).

I never have "urges", porn doesn't really arouse me, and even trying to be intimate with my boyfriend doesn't get me hot and heavy...

I'm concerned and wonder if I have a hormonal problem. The only medication I am on is Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo, but like I said it has been years and I just started my third month of the birth control.

I honestly am not sure what to do. What suggestions can you provide me? Should I talk to a doctor at all? I really am frustrated by this. It is interfering with quite a bit.

I will also mention that during sex I feel nothing and I think it is because I am not "aroused". It is not only sex but oral and "touching" does nothing for me.

When I say nothing, I literally mean nothing. On a scale of 1-10 pleasure is a zero....
Only once in a while will I feel SOMETHING when I'm being touched, otherwise it is like nothing is happening...

I'm in a loving relationship but so far in the almost nine months we have been together (we've only had sex the last three almost four months) I have felt nothing. It is scary because we both truly care for one another and want to fix this.

I have gotten pleasure from oral and touching but it was in a previous relationship (it was rare though... we had the same stressful issues arise when it came to my lack of feeling and sex drive).

Sorry for the long post and thank you so much in advance.

**DSemcho** · 09-30-2011 03:04 AM

My husband is the same way, he's gonna be 27 in January, and I'm going to be 24 in November, and his sex drive regarding actual sex is almost non-existent. We do it maybe once a week, and he'd rather whack it than have sex. I'm honestly getting to the point that I don't want to have sex with him either, because he's not attracted to me I can't see myself being attracted to him. **shrugs** I'd suggest a sex therapist? That's a luxury we don't have where we live now. And it can definitely help!!

**Mouse37** · 09-30-2011 09:41 AM

I'm sorry to hear that... I am sure he is attracted to you... it just might not seem like it. I know that is the case for my boyfriend and me; he started to think I wasn't attracted to him, which isn't the case.

See, I don't even have the urge to masturbate. I never have. It seems like every sexual act I perform I am very much aware and choose to do so, it is not an urge that motivates me.

Also, it is not that I don't want sex... I do but it is only because I like the closeness of it... not because I get pleasure from it, but I am sure that in time even that will not be enough to motivate me.

That is an interesting idea, but I am not sure if I have excess to that where I live either (very small town). I am also not sure if I'll be able to afford something like that... but I will keep that in mind; in the end, I'm willing to try anything to make some type of progress.

Thank you for your input by the way.

**DSemcho** · 09-30-2011 03:54 PM

No, he's not lol. He's told me so.

Have you ever had an orgasm? Cause there's no way you could have one and not crave them later...

**Mouse37** · 09-30-2011 11:28 PM

I have not had an orgasm. I have been in the climaxing stage... but by masturbating and with a partner... but every time I couldn't handle how good it felt. I always stopped. This has only happened a handful of times and it was a while ago. The last time was definitely over a year ago.

**DSemcho** · 10-01-2011 01:09 AM

Ooh wow... You need to find a guy that can hit your gspot (either with his hands or his penis)... It's AMAZING...

**jns** · 10-01-2011 08:55 AM

Mouse, does your current bf spend a lot of time trying to get you to orgasm? Even if he does, he probably isn't skilled enough to get you going as much as a previous bf was. The fact that a previous bf was able to get you going means that you get some sensation, even if you don't recognize it. There are some women who don't have any reaction to stimulation, but you are not one of them.

Do you relax when playing around? That is probably the greatest boundary to reaching orgasm. Not relaxing enough to let go. As far as being overwhelmed by feeling good, sometimes a partner is better at pushing things a little bit each time until you reach orgasm. It takes trust in your partner to not hurt you, relaxing and going with it.

**Mouse37** · 10-01-2011 11:04 AM

He spends quite a bit of time on just me... He tries to get me going before he does anything else. He is very sweet and supportive about the whole ordeal.

It is a bit ironic you say that because my previous boyfriend had never been intimate, in any sense, with a girl before me, while my current boyfriend had a few relationships prior to ours and in those relationships they never had this kind of issue. I guess it still could be possible, but it just seems less likely to me.

I do feel relaxed. I trust him and I never fear he will hurt me, but even so, we have never made much progress... I can remember only two times where I thought we were getting somewhere. I actually felt good, not as good as I have felt in the past... but it was progress. It never lasts though.

I mostly feel nothing.

We even tried a gel, and I could feel the gel doing its thing... but it really didn't help. It was just an added element.

**Mes T** · 10-01-2011 04:55 PM

Okay you need to awaken your sensuality and bring yourself to orgasm (on your own, not with your partner there!) FIRST, and THEN you can teach your partner how to do the same for you. This is the most common issue in nearly all of the threads on this forum in regard to pleasure-less sex.

It's probably true that some of us are less sexual by nature, but as long as you've got all your "bits" there then you should be able to do this. What kind of upbringing have you had? Particularly religious, ant-sex, anything like that? Have you had any sexual trauma in the past?

How has your menstrual cycle been, before you started on the pill? How many days, what kind of flow, any spotting in between? That's a good indicator of our hormonal levels.

**Renee16442** · 10-01-2011 06:00 PM

I know how you feel and I'm desperately looking for help for myself and joined this board hoping that someone here can help me. Here's my story...

I have never had a desire to have sex. I don't get horny. I don't know what it feels like to "be in the mood". Sex does not feel good unless I use a vibrator simultaneously, and even then I'm uncomfortable and not into it.

I had sex for the first time when I was 18 yrs old. I was pressured into doing it. Since then I've seen countless gynecologists, I've had an ultrasound done on my pelvis, I've seen about 3 psychologists and lastly I started to see a doctor that specializes in bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. He did blood work and said that there was some minor imbalances so he prescribed me a testosterone cream and progesterone capsules, along with some other all-natural supplement for endocrine health. The treatment and visits were super expensive and insurance did not cover it, and after a few months I felt no different and decided to stop seeing him. Even though I didn't feel any changes I would continue to go to him if I had the means. I'm not on birth control.

So, I'm hoping that someone else has been through this and has a happy ending. This is making my relationship nearly impossible. I could go the rest of my life without ever having sex. At this rate, I'll never get married and have a healthy, happy relationship. My boyfriend is very caring and supportive but after almost 3 years he's becoming very frustrated with the situation and I can't blame him. I just want to be fixed.