Thread: First Time

Okay, well, this is my first post on here, and I wasn't really sure whether to put this in the relationship or sex forum. So, I'm 18 and so is my boyfriend. 3 weeks ago we had sex after 10 months of dating. Since then we have had sex another 3 times.

To start of with my first problem, it hurt really bad, though thankfully there was no bleeding. But my boyfriend said that he felt almost nothing with the condoms and that by the time he managed to get half of it in, he had already gone soft. I realize it won't be easy the first few times, but I sort of feel guilty that he doesn't feel anything because he can't get it all in at once. :/ Is this a condom problem or primarily the fact that so far most of our sex consists of me writhing in pain and him not really doing anything? :P

Now, secondly, I'm his first real relationship and because I've kissed 6 other guys before him (but not done much of anything other than that) he gets really irrational and sometimes loses his temper and calls me a "". When we make up, I ask him why he said that, and he says he was just mad but it still hurts. And when I didn't bleed during the first time, apparently it wasn't enough that I was in pain, he still mentions from time to time that he doesn't believe I was a virgin because I didn't bleed. I told him that he should look it up or something because not every girl bleeds after her first time, but he still doesn't believe me. What should I do? :/

Okay.... first off.... he's a weiner... Just had to put that out there. He shouldn't be talking to you like that, I'd smack my husband for saying that and meaning it.

Second, it's possible because he didn't go very far in that he didn't pop your cherry, or if you did bleed at all it wasn't very much. It's not supposed to be a lot anyways.

As far as the condoms, trying using thinner ones, but do not have sex without a condom!! You don't know if he's got an STD or not. (Obviously he's been sexually active since he knows girls bleed).

And as far as it hurting, he's not doing enough prep work. He has to get you horny, and "play" with you. As in like... his fingers... and your "area"... Get my drift? If he doesn't do the right prep work, then yes it hurts. If you have any questions you can message me

No offense, but it kind of sounds like your boyfriend's an inexperienced little whiner who doesn't understand female anatomy. I didn't bleed my first time either. It is so ridiculously easy to break your hymen, you can do it while riding a bike even or even if you're a runner. Secondly, I'm guessing he's going soft because it's just uncomfortable for the girl the first few times and it's hard for a guy to get turned on when the girl looks so uncomfortable... but, even though condoms do take away some male sensitivity, they feel plenty. Do not have sex without a condom, that is a classic cop-out for guys. If you really feel bad about the condoms I suppose your alternative is to go on the pill, but frankly... the pill is a pain and makes your hormones go nuts. Condoms are not a big deal to most every guy, so if he keeps whining about it I think you should just tell him, "Well, I guess we're not having sex then." That'll change his tune.

He has no right to call you nasty names either. He's inexperienced and doesn't understand that there are differences in the level of feelings associated with physical relationships. If he's never had a real girlfriend he probably doesn't understnad that the guys you've just kissed or fooled around with really don't matter anymore. Past in the past. He needs to get with the present.

He sounds like a total jerk!
Sex is supposed to be sensual, arousing, intimate.
If it hurt real bad, and still is uncomfortable then you most likely need lubrication, try foreplay, or some KY... both?
As for bleeding he may not have gotten in far enough. Or like me you just didnt bleed or notice. My husband had a condom problem at first, by the time he got the condom on he would start to go limp. You could try doing it for him, go down on him and get his... wet and then slide on his condom for him. tell him that you need a little help to slide him into you. take it easy, and you could massage his balls while he works it in and have him kiss and fondle you to get you wet.

Now for the irrational out bursts about you being a """" it seems like he is showing signs of control and anger issues, kissing guys before him is normal, simple, everyone should expect that... he has no ground to stand on in regards to bleeding, obviously you were a virgin. He should trust you, and adore you! Dont except anything less!

Honestly I feel bad for you that the guy you chose to share your first experience with is being so direspectful....you kissed a few guys....and what!! Like who evern cares, you were honest first of all and secondly he shouldnt throw the past in your face whether its 6 kisses or 6 something elses......you deserve a bit of respect as hig GF!!
on the not bleeding note- everyone is different also Dsemcho and darling make excellent points....you prob are not aroused enough or maybe you havent gotten into iot quite enough.
Sex is generally not painful after the first few times, so do try some lube and see if that helps- and dont stress it will get better - but if your BF keeps accusing you of not being a Virgin etc when you met and making you feel so hurt then maybe you would be better off looking for someone who appreciates and respects you that bit more....just a thought...
Best of luck
A

I don't mean to be rude at all, but your boyfriend sounds like an .
First he's complaining that he can't feel anything, the next that he can't get it all the way in.. and he has a temper! If you're really happy with him then there's nothing we can say to change your mind though. Just know that you gave him the gift of your virginity- that is the most precious thing you can give a person- he should really treat having sex with you more as a privilege and not as a mandatory thing.

All life lessons aside.. it will hurt for a while. It takes time to loosen up and get it to feel good. Make sure that you're wet too! Make sure that there's a lot of foreplay and that you're willing, of course. If you're thinking too much about what he wants and maybe even worrying about your relationship, you're going to not get as wet or even tense up.. causing more pain! It takes time, just go slow and stop when it hurts you. It's all new! Eventually you'll get used to the feeling and start to loosen up and enjoy it!

Is he love u?? Or loves bleeding? ask him ...