Thread: Successful Orgasm?

So.
I don't think I have ever had an orgasm.
And from what people have told me, that statement I just made tells me that I have not.
everyone tells me you will KNOW and you will NOT question it.
But my boyfriend kind of says things like,
but your legs were shaking? and your muscles are all tightened up there?

So let me just say,
I haven't had sex.
and I don't think I've ever achieved an orgasm by myself or with anybody else.

through clitoral stimulation I've felt myself get really close, like tensing up and feeling it there.. but like it's a mountain and I just can't hit the peak at go over. It's like it's 90%, but where's the rest? where are the fireworks? and why can't i get there?

talked to my bff about this before, I've read a bunch, a bunch, of literature, and tried all sorts of techniques except for toys.
It seems to me that the closest I have ever gotten is when I was being licked and fingered simultaneously by my boyfran, but even then it didn't feel like it was completely there. Like there is an edge I can get over, a line that I can't cross.
Part of me thinks, from researching, that I might be too focused on the end result and not the pleasure in between,
another part of me thinks,
why am I not doing this? Because for awhile now, I will just masturbate for the pleasure it gives me, but there is no end..
It's like, it builds all the way up and as it gets very near what I think is the end ( I hope it's not what the end feels like ) I end up feeling like, I'm bored of this, or, why am I looking at this visual? I guess I'm satisfied enough, and I just stop and don't feel like continuing or anything.

Now I don't know whats wrong,
I think maybe I need penetration-- as that's the one thing I've never had that might lead me to a successful end on my path towards achieving orgasm-- other than that.
I don't know.

How do I get there?
Did anyone else ever have this problem?
Suggestions that aren't the normal "read literature", "experiment", "find what you like" things?
Cos I've done all those! And I keep getting that 90% each time!!
It is starting to get a little bit frustrating.
As for my last question,
When you have an orgasm you definitely KNOW right?? There won't be guessing???

Thank you for ANY help.
Just need to ask more girls... wondering if anybody else is going what I'm going through.
<3

i know exactly what you mean. I've not tried experimenting or anything (I'm too paranoid to masturbate for some reason.) I'm sorry I can't help you except to tell you you're not alone. I hope to see some helpful replies to this post.

Nice to know I'm not the only one, at least.
Hopefully there will be some help!

There are different kinds of orgasms, there is the clitoral and vaginal (gspot) orgasm. I didn't have my first vaginal orgasm until I was 20, and that was after I had already slept with like 3 other guys. To get the gspot orgasm you have to, obviously, hit your gspot. It's about two inches in your vagina, and feels like a rough skinned quarter. The best way I know to get to that is when doing it to someone else... so I'll explain it like this. When you put your hand flat out, palm up, and you do the finger motion like you are telling someone to come hither. As far as clitoral, I know it's weird, but try using a blanket to add pressure to your "area".... Or when you feel yourself tightening up keep going. I only masturbate with my clit, and I enjoy that lol.

First, is it your age? I know when I was in my teens (late 70's) my boyfriend and I were so ignorant that we didn't know I was having orgasms from finger stimulation. They were purely physical reactions and felt more like out of control tingling than the crazy pins and needle/lose control feelings I get all over my body now (your late 40's are spectacular! lol).

Second, are you on any medications? There are some that do exactly what you talk about.. let you get that build up but prevent you from going "over the edge." Lyrica and Cymbalta do that, as well as lots of others.

I have always had trouble achieving orgasm. Recently, I bought a Wahl massager at Walgreens. It's about $20, gray, has about 5 attachments, 2 powerful speeds, and QUIET! I would strongly suggest something like that with a little cream or lube and massage around the clitoral area. Keep your muscles tightened until you feel close, then release them. When I'm laying on my back, it tends to help me if I also "bear down" a little when I get close. Try different positions, like on your back and on your knees, as if you were on top during sex. Fantasy is also key for me, I usually can't reach orgasm without erotic thoughts in my head. HTH!

I'm 17 years old, and right now what I'm feeling is a really good sensation that eventually makes me curl my toes and make everything tense then afterwards I feel kind of relaxed.. soo.. maybe? I'm just NOT sure. But I should be trying to stay tense the whole time??

I'm on zero meds. So, no issues there.

And I usually look at things to help get me in that certain mood, things I find really hot I guess you would say, but after I get up to that point, then I look at it and am kinda like, Well this just looks gross now and I'm uninterested in it, but I can't help feeling like there should be something more.
So maybe I'm having small orgasms? Is that possible?

I've heard a woman's peak is around 30's and stuff, but my 18 year old friend tells me about great orgasms she's had.
I just wanna be able to confidently say, Man I had the greatest climax last night! Y'knoww, to feel like I'm really feeling it. I could just be happy with what I'm getting, but can't help feeling like there is more.
And Maybe I'll invest in that massager, thanks for the suggestion!

Originally Posted by PinkSandsLover

Fantasy is also key for me, I usually can't reach orgasm without erotic thoughts in my head. HTH!

I have noted that sometimes if there is difficulty getting over the edge then sometimes a bit of dirty talk will provide that final push. I think that this focuses the mind on sex.
Even as a man I know that I can shorten time to orgasm dramatically by thinking about previous lovers/sex situations. Thoughts are more important than technique.

Also you may be having Orgasms already but not having significant contractions.
Contrations are powered by the hormone Oxytocin. You can boost oxytocin with massage.
Try massage sessions before foreplay starts. Oxytocin will build over time-make it a regular part of love making and even between sessions if you can.

Thanks for the suggestion.
I remember one time when my neck hurt, I told my boy to massage it for me and it turned into something else pretty quick and was probably one of the best times we ever did something like that. Makes more sense now.

Originally Posted by kwiquill

Suggestions that aren't the normal "read literature", "experiment", "find what you like" things?
Cos I've done all those! And I keep getting that 90% each time!!

i have had the same problem ever since i started masturbating and having sex with my boyfriend. i'll search the internet for advice and tips and all i get is "experiment" and "learn your body" and "fantasize" and i do all that and still nothing. it builds up and it feels amazing but then i tighten up and it gets to be uncomfortable, even sometimes painful. then either my hand gets tired or i get frustrated with the discomfort and i stop and feel unsatisfied. so youre not alone...

Don't obsess about the orgasm. Sometimes its takes years of practice to experience and enjoy it. Also, 70% of women cannot orgasms through vaginal penetration alone. (just the way the clitoris is shaped). So don't think having intercouse will solve that issue. When aroused, the clitoris gets really swollen, but just before orgasms, it retracts and becomes really small. Ask your boyfriend if he notices that. Also, each orgasm is different for each person. Don't buy into the explosive fireworks that movies and books portray. Its different for each person. A really good book to look at is Betty Dodson's Sex For One.

Just because your friend tells you she had great orgasms, doesn't mean its true. What she may be experiencing may be the same thing you are experiencing, but she is interpreting that as explosive orgasms. Like I said, its different for each person.

I don't have explosive orgasms either. I can orgasm for several minutes and then come down slowly. Because I come down slowly and don't have this explosive ending, I can easily go into another orgasm.

You just need to find what works for you and don't go by what others say. As long as you are enjoying it, that's all that matters.