Thread: can't have sex with my bf...

Hi, I have been going out with my bf for about a year now and we have been trying to have sex for awhile without success. The first time was an absolute failure, because we were both virgins and had very little sexual knowledge. Both of us didn't even know where the vaginal opening was to begin with, and when we found it, he tried to push in but I was in too much pain, so we had to stop eventually. The second time we tried, we had lubricant ready because we thought the problem was that I wasn't wet enough. It worked a little better that time and he managed to get in just pass the opening. I couldn't feel anything except pain, and he said it wasn't even that great for him because he didn't get to go deep inside. We tried for the third time yesterday, and it was pretty much the same as the second time. It was a lot less painful for me at least, but neither him nor I had that much fun.

So now I am kind of getting nervous, since he just seems unable to go pass through the opening. I always get wet before he tries penetration, so there really is no reason for him to be unable to go deeper inside. I inspected myself a bit using a mirror, and I can see the opening clearly, although it's definitely not big, and I can put about two fingers inside. Another problem is that I want him to take it slowly and try to push it in gradually but he somewhat loses hardness if we hesitate because he becomes instantly nervous (he gets it back pretty fast though).

I am not sure if it's that he doesn't push hard enough because he thinks he will hurt me, or that my vaginal opening is too small. I really want this to work, because we are getting really frustrated about this. Do you have any recommendation as to what we could do?

p.s. my bf says putting on condom really takes a lot away from him. he's really ticklish, so sometimes it just makes him go soft. would trying a thinner kind of condom help?

First, I would say do not stop using a condom.

Second, I can relate. I didn't have intercourse for 10 years until this year. The first time this year it was like being a virgin. I thought it was going to be an impossible fit. Lube (natural or from the bottle) helps, but you need to be stretched out and loosened up with a lot of foreplay, and it's STILL going to feel impossible. The more often you can play and stretch, the looser it will get, and less painful it will get when you try. IMHO, when trying to penetrate, he should press firmly but gently and you need to try to RELAX your vaginal opening.

Another thing - it is very painful to attempt intercourse if you have a yeast infection.

I hope that is helpful.

You could always try it with you on top. It will be visually stimulating for him, so he won't lose his erection as easily, and it will be you controlling the speed, depth and pressure. I also recommend a lot of forplay. It will help if he uses his fingers first, as it will give you time to loosen up and relax. Also with you on top it will be more difficult for you to clench up as you will be stradling him. Good luck and best wishes.