Thread: Please help me and my wife

We have two boys. I don't think she was ever confident. I don't know why, she is beautiful. After fourteen years she still gets my heart beating. She says she does not feel sexy but I think she is just being modest. She has to know how good she looks.

Sounds like Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (its real). However, your everyday doctor doesn't know anything about female sexual dysfunction. A big may to see if that the problem is if she still has sexual fantasies. If that, that is a classic case of HSDD (I am not a healthcare provider so check with an expert). There are so many things that could be causing it. Too much work, stress, has she gained weights, bored with everyday sex, etc. Try experimenting, do you think she might be into some kinky stuff--you never know unless you try. What about rekindling your relationship. Instead of focusing on sex, do something romantic and maybe the sex will come later.

If this continues, go see a sex therapist. This is a pretty common problem. This is a medical condition covered by insurance.

Wow, thank you. I have tried spicing thing up with all kinds of stuff. She is not real receptive to anything kinky at all. She has gained weight, but we both have. To tell you the truth, I think she looks better now than ever. But she is not happy with herself. We oth started working out a month ago.

Originally Posted by Irishfan

Wow, thank you. I have tried spicing thing up with all kinds of stuff. She is not real receptive to anything kinky at all. She has gained weight, but we both have. To tell you the truth, I think she looks better now than ever. But she is not happy with herself. We oth started working out a month ago.

One thing that worked for me is to go out once a week before getting home to the kids (we arranged to leave work earlier than usual) so we can talk exclusivelly about our relationship...meaning what we need from the other and don't have....here is when you force yourselves to be intimate....talking about sex and need for emotional connextion need to be talked. I remember the day when I told my wife that all my life just wanted to feel sexy but never could since I was over weight, and that today I was in the best shape of my live, that she didn't even complemented my body or anything....and that hurt so much ( I even go tears in my eyes since it was something that I needed to tell her.....I explain her that if she doesn't find in herself a way to invest in our relationship that the day that another woman comes along and start telling me things about my body or whatever, is the day that I may feel not very much close to her.....because there will be another woman making feel sexy and special......some how, for a period of 4 weeks that we did this, every thing changed....she also talked to me about my expectations and why she felt sometimes pressure.....after 6 months, of talking and arguing sometimes, we are in a place where both are truly happy...we talk, have sex daily and sometimes twice a day (on weekends) she understands that part of being in love and in a successful marriage it to grow together and that my friend means workout your problems and trust the love the brought you together in the first place. Good luck!

I hope this helps Irishfan, it does strike a cord with me too but I think this MAY point to a fundamental issue I have with my wife, i.e. a poor level of conversation which leads to little sex (understandably), I only got to raise my voice with surprise (NOT anger!) and she jumps down my throat, I feel I cant express myself fully and if I try to get her to open up she either shouts n screams or walks out. There's always another view point and I except that she tries to discuss stuff late in the evening (not relationship stuff) but after a non-stop day in the office I just want to chill and not discuss the ecconomonic climate or what jobs I NEED to do. My point is Im aware of this and trying to encourage her to chill with massages, etc, it worked before Im just trying to get back on track again plus also trying to discuss more myself. I dont want to go "off topic" just though my exprience may be simular.

Originally Posted by Tod121

I hope this helps Irishfan, it does strike a cord with me too but I think this MAY point to a fundamental issue I have with my wife, i.e. a poor level of conversation which leads to little sex (understandably), I only got to raise my voice with surprise (NOT anger!) and she jumps down my throat, I feel I cant express myself fully and if I try to get her to open up she either shouts n screams or walks out. There's always another view point and I except that she tries to discuss stuff late in the evening (not relationship stuff) but after a non-stop day in the office I just want to chill and not discuss the ecconomonic climate or what jobs I NEED to do. My point is Im aware of this and trying to encourage her to chill with massages, etc, it worked before Im just trying to get back on track again plus also trying to discuss more myself. I dont want to go "off topic" just though my exprience may be simular.

One of the things we talked was that sometimes I needed to be myself and that meant to rise my voice when dealing with the kids sometime and that I was raised like this and I knew I needed to tone it down but that was part of who I was, and needed to express it...somehow, today when I get all work out because my kids are not doing what they are supposed to do, she lets me and supports me and gives me looks when she thinks I need a reminder to keep it under control but she understands that the kids sometimes need tough love and dicipline.....everything comes down to respect.....talk to her and tell her that something got it change or you guys will grow apart....show her statistics about marriages...good luck

Thank you all.