Thread: Another FWB

I'm in a FWB situation where in the beginning it was more intense, but now he seems more indifferent - have sex then he splits.

Just a note: I'm early 30s, and so is he. Just recently became sexually active this year, so I'm gradually learning to throw out some of the myths I believed about sex.

Just to give you some backstory. I met this guy six months ago. Actually we met a long time ago briefly - he remembers but I don't. In any case, he initiated a conversation with me six months ago at a coffee shop. I was attracted to him. We slept together a month later. Initially, we were supposedly in a relationship, but he didn't want to be exclusive. Now, it's FWB. But I have feelings for him, unfortunately. So, it's not really working out for me, although I'm sure it's working for him - no committments, no expectations. I tried to break it off a few times but kept going back. I know my emotions were being affected by having sex, having those feelings, especially without any committments. I also not sure if he's really honest about who he is. But right now, it's hard to stay away, not because the sex that good or exciting, but because sex is not as important to me as the connection and feelings I have with my partner. Sex for sex sake doesn't do much for me. Sex, I realise really isn't enjoyable for me unless I really like the person and care about them. But I've waited so long to have this, that I don't want to give it up yet. I know it's not working for me, but I can't seem to let go.

When I do try to talk to him about how I feel, he's dismissive. So, most of the time, I shut up and let it go. Although I did blow up over the phone a few days ago. It didn't do much to change anything.

Lately, when we have sex, he doesn't always kiss me and more recently, we just have sex and then he leaves. We only meet for sex. We don't go out anymore - of course, because he's getting what he wants I guess. And although I developed feelings for him, I don't think he feels the same. He claims he likes me, whatever that means. In any case, I think it's all about the sex for me not surprisingly, and just a note: that's just a weird thought to begin with because I could think of a million women who'd be much better at this than I am. So, if he is in it for the sex, I'm pretty much stumped by the idea, possibly flattered or confused, or really upset that he is only interested in one thing. He's also one of those guys who is very very honest, about past relationships and sexual conquests. Doesn't hold much back. Not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing.



So, any advice on this. thank you.

In any case, I think it's all about the sex for me not surprisingly, and just a note: that's just a weird thought to begin with because I could think of a million women who'd be much better at this than I am.

Correction: It's all about sex for him [NOT ME]

I hate to tell you, but this isn't really an FWB situation. You want something more since you have feelings for him, he doesn't. He is USING you for sex, not even treating you as much of a friend (so what happened to the "friend" part of "FWB", huh?). Your feelings are pushing him away it looks like, because he doesn't want a relationship with you, he wants you for sex. Are you a sex doll or a person? IMO, you really need to break this off or you're going to get hurt. There isn't anyone you can't live without, you will find someone special. The longer you drag this out, the harder it will be. End it now.

Originally Posted by kristalyn_04

I hate to tell you, but this isn't really an FWB situation. You want something more since you have feelings for him, he doesn't. He is USING you for sex, not even treating you as much of a friend (so what happened to the "friend" part of "FWB", huh?). Your feelings are pushing him away it looks like, because he doesn't want a relationship with you, he wants you for sex. Are you a sex doll or a person? IMO, you really need to break this off or you're going to get hurt. There isn't anyone you can't live without, you will find someone special. The longer you drag this out, the harder it will be. End it now.

agree. thx.

I always knew this but I had a hard time accepting it. I think a part of me keeps thinking that my options are limited. Because, I'm bit insecure about my relationship options so I keep going back- it feels like my only choice. I've had mimimal relationship experience so being the first sexual relationship, I gave it way too much importance.

I keep telling myself that if I simply saw it as friendship then it wouldn't be so complicated, because I wouldn't have so many expectations. But the feelings are certainly getting in the way.

Not all of us are cut out for FWB's. I'm not. I expect that even if I thought I was, and things went good at first, I'd eventually start thinking "Why isn't he developing feelings for me? What's wrong with me?". Then I'd become resentful. Just wouldn't work.

I think either you're not the FWB type, or you're not emotionally ready for a FWB.

Free yourself from this. It's not working and it is holding you back from possibly meeting someone that is truly into you for more than just sex. This doesn't make him a bad guy, you agreed on a FWB situation. But he's not the guy for you.

I totally agree with BD. I know it sounds strange me being a guy, but I am not one for a FWB thing. I could never do it when I was younger as my feelings always got involved. I also believe it keeps you from meeting that person that could be the one.

I had a couple FWB's in my younger day and have decided the old addage is true, "Theres no such thing as casual sex with the same person. Eventually someone will start having feelings for the other". Its just the way it is. Something Ive learned from my mom, if you cant see yourself dealing with the person for the rest of your life, then dont sleep with him. What if you were to get pregnant?
Just for the record, I agree with those above, this guy has recognized that you have feelings for him and is just riding the train until it derails. Stop wasting your time with this guy and find someone who has feelings back.