Thread: selfish or no?

so last night me and my bf were in bed together and he kept just grabbing my hand and shoving it down his pants. usually im not bothered by this move, but last night i was because i wasnt in the mood to do anything, or initiate, etc. he kept acting all sexually frustrated and i told him to start kissing me because i wasnt quite in the mood yet

so we have some foreplay and after a while i decide to start performing oral sex on him. well he got so into it that i became extremely aroused and after a long time stopped. im on my period and hadn't really been satisfied yet, was super horny, and i was afraid he was going to cum before i had any physical satisfaction.

well he kept saying "why did you stop" and i kept saying "because i want you inside of me" and he informed me that he would prefer if he finished from a blowjob. i kind of figured that out when he kept asking me why i stopped, but i got sort of upset because here i am extremely horny and the only thing i can really do to relieve that is to have sex and he doesn't want to have sex, he just wants me to continue going down on him so he can finish. the end result would have been him too tired to do anything else and me still all charged up.

we ended up not doing anything. he realized i didn't like his answer and kept apologizing saying he "took a chance" because he had a feeling i'd want to have sex, and i kept saying "Well if you suspected that why did you wait until AFTER i got horny to inform me you weren't planning on having sex?"

i just feel like it was sort of selfish on his part. he knows i get extremely horny when im on my period and he knows that the only way for me to enjoy anything of a sexual nature at that time is from penetration. also that he was kind of ignoring me and just putting my hand down his pants...that i had to TELL him to start kissing me...showed me that he was more interested in himself right from the beginning.

am i right to feel a little angry? who is the selfish one? i am going to talk about this when i see him tomorrow but i wanted to get some advice from the girls first.

What your boyfriend did does sound a little selfish, but when it comes to sexual matters, I think it is OK to be selfish at times. At the time, he may not have been thinking that you need penetrative sex as you are having your period. Probably just didn't think about it. Often, when we are in relationships, we expect the other person to be sensative to all our needs and recognize what we want. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen all the time. We need to communicate to our partners, very clearly, what we want. If you had said from the very beginning that you expected intercourse and he still trying to end it in your mouth, that would have been really selfish. I think we need to be flexible in our expectations of our partners and go with the flow. Was he willing to continue with intercourse after you expressed that's what you wanted? If he sill didn't want to do it, then that is selfish. But if he was willing to go with the flow and have intercouse, even though his primary desire was to come in your mouth, then I think that's OK.

Originally Posted by sp346

What your boyfriend did does sound a little selfish, but when it comes to sexual matters, I think it is OK to be selfish at times. At the time, he may not have been thinking that you need penetrative sex as you are having your period. Probably just didn't think about it. Often, when we are in relationships, we expect the other person to be sensative to all our needs and recognize what we want. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen all the time. We need to communicate to our partners, very clearly, what we want. If you had said from the very beginning that you expected intercourse and he still trying to end it in your mouth, that would have been really selfish. I think we need to be flexible in our expectations of our partners and go with the flow. Was he willing to continue with intercourse after you expressed that's what you wanted? If he sill didn't want to do it, then that is selfish. But if he was willing to go with the flow and have intercouse, even though his primary desire was to come in your mouth, then I think that's OK.

we don't usually let my period get in the way of penetrative sex. he isn't grossed out by it, usually its me who turns him down because i dont feel well.

i didn't say from the very beginning that i wanted to have sex, but that would be kind of weird because we always end up having sex. if i just want to treat him to oral i'll tell him something like "this is all about you" that way he knows i expect nothing in return. he usually does the same when he goes down on me. rather than me telling him i wanted sex after his clear advances, i would have liked had he told me he didn't want to go all the way since that is more unusual for us.

he showed me he was horny, i went down on him, and when i said i wanted to have sex he said he didn't want to, and wanted to finish with a BJ. i felt disappointed, he regretted telling me that, and then the mood was killed and nothing more happened.