fantasies

**harlow** · 07-11-2007 11:57 AM

Do any married ladies out there fantasize about other men? I'm not talking celebrities, rock stars etc., but men you know (or see around)? I'm feeling so **** guilty. My husband and I rarely have sex, but I'm finding myself fantasizing about two particular men. I can't stop thinking about these guys. I want to feel like this about my husband again, but find myself wanting these two guys badly. Let me say that I would NEVER cheat on my husband, whom I love more than anything, but the guilt of these thoughts is killing me! My sex drive has been minimal (okay, non-existent) for quite a while, so this makes me feel like it's coming back (which is good news). I just wish I wanted my husband like I want these other two. I've even thought of initiating sex with my husband so I can imagine I'm with the other two. Can I get these feelings back for my husband? Is it hopeless....and has anyone else gone through this? Help!!!

**housewife** · 07-11-2007 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by harlow

My husband and I rarely have sex, !

This is the problem.
Try to solve this problem first.
You should honestly talk to each other about it and seek some help.
You think about these men because you need love and attention and even sex and you don?t get it from your man.

I know a couple who had not have sex in 5 years.
They went for therapy; there is a certain type of therapy for this problem.
Now they are doing fine and have regular sex, it is not as often as used to be but better than before.

Believe me, a satisfied woman doesn?t look outside.

**harlow** · 07-11-2007 01:58 PM

I am aware that our lack of sex is a problem. Please do not assume that I am lacking in love and attention. My husband shows me a lot of love and attention. There are other forms of love and attention other than sex. That being said, my husband would not go for therapy (I've brought it up before). I want to hear from other women re: fantasizing. Please ladies... you must be out there!

**housewife** · 07-11-2007 02:10 PM

Harlow listen
if you get the love and the attention from him , then this is great.
you are halfway there,
the only way to stop these fantasies is change your way of thinking
think this way:
Thinking that I am sleeping with other men is one type of cheating
but emotional cheating
try to be loyal to him from the inside as you are from the outside "becasue you said you will never physically cheat on him"
So don't cheat on him in your mind.

Try to think that way
I hope that help.

**PixieDuzt** · 07-11-2007 02:34 PM

Hunny, there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about other men. 90% of all men are fantasizing about other women when they are having sex with their wives. Sooner or later thinking about only one person gets really boring and monotonous. You know you wouldn't cheat on your husband and that is good, therefore you should not feel bad about thinking about other men. It isn't as though you are thinking "wow, i bet they would make a better husband than mine" you are thinking "GOD! I bet he has a **** fine body!" or "****! I bet he could **** me from here to next week!"

Also, all marriages go through a slow sex spot. It may be stress or medication, any number of things. Don't let it get to you. Talk to your husband, let him know you are still interested in him. Let him know you still lust for him and it will prolly get better.

**harlow** · 07-11-2007 09:47 PM

thanks for the reply Pixieduzt, that makes me feel better. Youre right, I never once have thought about these guys in any way other than, "Man I'd love to have sex with him" It has never crossed my mind that they would be a better husband. My husband is an amazing husband. Thanks for helping to normalize my fantasy thinking. At least that's what it is...strictly fantasy.
thanks for the response housewife, but I don't believe I'm cheating on my husband. I have no contact with these guys other than seeing them out in my community, And maybe saying hello. there is no reciprocation by them, so how is that emotional cheating?
Anyone else out there have any input?

hotdogg · 07-12-2007 03:32 AM

hi harlow,

it is perfectly normal to have fantasies, having a fantasy is one thing, acting on them is another. you have already said you will never cheat on your husband so stop eating yourself up about it.

**housewife** · 07-12-2007 06:43 AM

Originally Posted by harlow

thanks for the response housewife, but I don't believe I'm cheating on my husband. I have no contact with these guys other than seeing them out in my community, And maybe saying hello. there is no reciprocation by them, so how is that emotional cheating?
Anyone else out there have any input?

I don't think that you cheat or you will cheat
But I was trying to help you to change your way of thinking about these fantasies.
If others believe it is ok, that does not make it ok for you, because you said that you feel guilty about it.
It is up to you

**Antonia** · 10-29-2009 12:06 PM

It is normal to fantasise, and your fantasies are very normal. Do not feel guilty. While in bed with your husband, talk dirty, pillow talk. This will excite him and excite you at the same time. Many men like the woman to initiate sex. So do so. And above all, do not feel guilty when you think of men having you when you are havings sex with your husband. I started a thread on Sexual Fantasies. It is a survey.