Thread: Problems Cumming...and Porn?

You have a lot of work ahead of you, but first, remember that it is NOT you that is the problem as to why he is not ejaculating, (pre-maturely) ejaculating, viewing porn, etc. It has been his way of life before you, so you must understand it is going to be difficult to adjust. He needs to understand though how this is affecting both of you, hence the need to air out the laundry, so they say. However, this must be done in a way that does not feel like you are attacking or blaming. What are your boundaries regarding masturbation, porn, frequency of coitus - have you talked about it? How long have you been together? Your degree of comfort discussing these things with will be crucial, so tread carefully.

I am not so sure how long you've been together and to what degree of commitment you both are in, whether you are BOTH going for the long haul (I can't assume), unless you tell us if he proposed his commitment to you (for marriage or long term partnership). It could vary from being nervous and is trying very hard to please you, to feeling cornered and smothered by living together so soon and he is starting to feel overwhelmed so he can't perform and doesn't feel the urge to have sex with you. It is weird but I was told that when sex is not readily available to a man, it is all he thinks about, but when it is there within his grasp (i.e. because you are living together and that you're okay initiating), he loses interest or at least puts it off because he knows he can have it anytime he wants, etc...

This is not saying he is like that, but I am just taking those factors into consideration. Not much help, I know, so give us more info.

Thanks for your response, caterpillar79. I have no problems with porn nor masterbation. I think the real issue is when I can't get him off in bed so he turns to porn. He does tend to get defensive so I do need to tread lightly especially where I was on his computer looking through the history (bad of me). We've been together for almost 4 years on and off- a lot of that was long distance, and infidelity on both sides happened in the past. We have since moved on from that but now this is what I face. I know he has had many lovers in the past and I have to wonder if I'm the only one who has experienced this. We are in it for the long haul, but if our sexual relationship cannot progress I'm not so sure I could be happy long-term. Heck! We are 25 and 26! If the sex sucks now I'm certain marriage and children doesn't make it much better haha. As of right now things are tense as I am still trying to sort out how I'm going to approach this topic without being deemed a "nag", a "snoop", or something like that. I did ask a guy friend of mine and he said he thought it could be nervousness. I'm really not sure.

Actually, it is quite the opposite, jns. He has been with many attractive women before me. My guy friend suggested nervousness, with pre-mature ejaculation making him ashamed thus when trying to perform longer he actually loses the ability to orgasm. He said it may be mental and the porn comes in handy afterwards where he can feel more comfortable cumming on his own time. Thoughts?