I can't let go and enjoy sex.How do I let go of thinking it is embarrassing?Pls Help!

**Want to Be Free** · 10-24-2011 08:40 PM

Thank goodness I've found this site!I would really value some help from girls and guys out there!! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years now.He was the first and only person I have had sex with and it has always been a bit of a stressful topic for us.I grew up with parents that did not even kiss in front of me for religious and/or upbringing reasons.Sex was a voodoo topic. my dad didn't even approach me for a birds and the bees talk until I was 22!! I'm not particularly religious but this lack of exposure has meant that I have always been terrified of being sexually explicit. I can do all the teasing in the world but when it comes to the crunch I lack the confidence to follow through.I'm so worried because I find it hard to do sexy things my boyfriend asks me to do for him and I'm afraid he might lose interest/patience one day.Please help me learn how to let go...I want to learn how to have fun and talk and especially behave more freely. being on this forum is my first step.

**Little_Man_in_the_Boat** · 10-26-2011 06:51 AM

I read a book by Masters and Johnson called Human Sexual Dysfunction, they talk about the cases they have had and the problems that those couples had or women had and the causes, I think the number one problem was "strict religious" rearing of children to adulthood.

Unfortunately those forming years shape they way you think and reprogramming may be very difficult to reshape.

I once new a women that was like this and she was a virgin at 40 years of age.

Making love can be an ugly repulsive act or the most incrediblly beautiful and emotional experience of your life.

So finding the right mate is important, as is his sexuality.

Some of the problems these religious women had at worst was vaginismus (involuntry tightness) or dyspareunia (badly mated).

If your not in this category then its probably going to be a lot easier for you to perhaps learn to enjoy sex.

Sex is obviously a natural and healthy act, you should not feel guilt or bad about it.

If your alone and are having trouble sleeping it can really help.

Also it can relieve tension or a headache sometimes.

You have to ask yourself why you think its so bad or negative ?

When really its pleasurable and relaxes you and its beautiful.

If you are able to achieve orgasm you will understand exactly and precisely what I mean, but how to you get over the guilt that has been programmed into you?

Orgasm is when after hours of foreplay you and your partner are drenching wet, not only in the vagina but also all over your body so much so one could skim the water off your back.

Your partner will be able to hear your heart beating frantically like a tiny drum inside your chest, you'll be breating rapidly, your eyes shiny and dialted.

Your hair wet and stuck together your lips bright red and your face flushed, when after hours of foreplay you'll finally let him enter you ....

At the onset of orgasm he'll feel your vaginal barrel start to constrict involuntarily and spasmodically around his penis which will cause him to ejaculate which is like a thunderbolt shooting up into his brain.

Its at that point you loose consciousness and you feel one in the same, a fusion of your souls, the fusion of your body with his, him inside you as the same the pleasure beyond anything your have ever experienced before and the feeling so profound that its a life changing event.

Your wet bodies locked and tangled into each other as if its a rebirth, the ultimate peacefulness, tranquiltiy, relaxation and a contentment that only orgasm can achieve.

Euphoria, bliss, natural drug like trance and a very strong attachement to your partner like you want to be the father of your children to rear them and be faithful for ever.

Its such a profoundly emotional experience that one almost cries with the experience, its really overwhelming state of bliss.

After, for me, I remember the steam of our bodies as we looked at each others eyes both dialted and the feeling of love and intimacy.

Now how can that be bad or negative?

Maybe you will never be able to achieve that but that is what it is like.

So take it easy, and take it slow, and read and understand what its like, so that you will not feel bad or guilty for feeling the most beautiful thing nature has given you and your partner.

The ability to feel the most beautiful state of life that nature has given you both.

Your lives are a blink in time, live it the best way you know how, for tommorow we are gone.

**Goosey** · 10-26-2011 07:16 AM

I was the same way as you.

Grew up very religiously, and always perceived sex as a "bad" thing.

For me, it took me a good year or two to get over that. I got to a point in which I realized that sex is a good thing. And for me, i just needed to remind myself of that. I also began to try out new lingerie to make myself feel sexy. Your bf can help out by making you feel comfortable. Also my bf does so much for me, I want to do things for him. So having that in mind, makes it more comfortable

But you won't get over this embarassment until you get over the negative connotation that you were raised on. Its tough, and takes time.

**Little_Man_in_the_Boat** · 10-26-2011 07:51 AM

Hmm yes Goosey I believe what you say as the truth.

**ItsASecret** · 10-26-2011 01:26 PM

Orgasm is when after hours of foreplay you and your partner are drenching wet, not only in the vagina but also all over your body so much so one could skim the water off your back.

Sweating is not indicative of orgasm. Orgasm is the release of muscle spasm in the vagina, and the resulting euphoria of released chemicals. Women can have an orgasm in less than 30 seconds, and not a drop of sweat can be seen on her body. During the act of sex involving rolling around, moving a lot, breathing heavy, and a warm room etc. can all cause the body to sweat but orgasm is not tied to how drenched in sweat you are.

when after hours of foreplay you'll finally let him enter you ....

I cannot speak for other women but me personally I have stuff to do in the day. When my bf and I have sex we cannot devote several hours to it. Yes we like to have sex, and yes we will spend time on it in order to feel good however hours and hours of foreplay is not arousing. There are only so many places you can stroke and kiss, over and over, after a point it will become predictable. Kinda like "oh back to kissing the neck? well that feels good but you were there just moments ago I know what I am in for". It still feels good no doubt but it is predictable. They key is once a woman is aroused then you can proceed with sex, could be 2 minutes because she is ready to go or an hour. But devoting hours upon hours is not necessarily what women will be looking for, they will simply want to be aroused in whatever time it takes.

**Goosey** · 10-26-2011 01:59 PM

^^^ you got it!

**Little_Man_in_the_Boat** · 10-26-2011 11:15 PM

Well I can only tell you what I experienced with my ex, I dont lie about this, thats exactly how it was.

I feel like your attacking me over an orgasm which I can hardly believe, what chance does any women have if some women are trying to stop womens pleasure which maybe beyond what they are feeling ?

Women have a very hard time trying to achieve orgasm, you must now realise that you both do NOT want women to experience the ultimate is female sexual pleasure.

If anything your should be supporting me not attacking me.

What you are doing is illogical.

I can 1000% garuntee everything I say about the experience I had is the truth.

It is not sweat, its something the body secretes some kind of fluid which is like sweat but not quite the same, its extremely slippery, makes it easy to slide up and down on a womens body.

The room I was in at the time had no heating it was freezing and we almost had no blankets.

So it definately the so called sweat was not through exertion in fact virtually no thrusting up until the onset of orgasm.

I just simply lay there for hours caressing her body and then changing arms as they started to ache from fatigue.

**Goosey** · 10-27-2011 09:37 AM

You did say before that you were with women who were abused in the past -- and I think that may be part of why its successful for you. You are kind and gentle and don't force things.

I think for most women who haven't been abused, that amount of time and such isn't for a lot of women. Also that sweaty feeling isn't also for all women. I just think you need to realize not all women are the same.

Also, for lots of women, they simply don't have 5 hours to spend on sex. I know I don't. Well, maybe once a month -- but that's not enough sex for me.

**ItsASecret** · 10-27-2011 01:01 PM

I feel like your attacking me over an orgasm which I can hardly believe, what chance does any women have if some women are trying to stop womens pleasure which maybe beyond what they are feeling ?

Oh no no I am not attacking by any means. I am simply stating that sweating, or body lubrication is not a forsure indication of an orgasm. I completely believe that the women you have experienced have entirely enjoyed their sexual experiences with you, be it in 5 minutes or 5 hours. I am not saying women should not experience that sort of situation, I am saying it is very possible for women not to want that long of an experience. Personally I love to be touched and cuddled etc and I do get aroused by that sort of action so I know what you mean by needing that aspect, what I am simply saying is that an example of say 5 hours of foreplay is not the type of situation that countless women would be looking for because it is very simply too long. On occasion if things ended up like that then sure, maybe 5 hours was not even enough for them, but in general I think that it is too much time to make that a 'fore sure' way to elicit an orgasm.