I find sex gross? Effecting social life, help please? :(

**myway** · 10-27-2011 05:40 PM

(So sorry it's so long this is a big problem for me.)
Hi I'm a 16 year old girl and find sex really quite gross and don’t know why. I'm not religious and never been sexually abused. My parents has always been open about sex and don’t think it’s shameful in anyway. The only things they said was make sure you’re ready and use a condom.

As I said I’m 16 all of my friends are no longer virgins. I however have never had a relationship ever, haven’t even been kissed on the cheek. This is somewhat out of choice as I know at my age about 98% of guys will be wanting some form of sex. This does puts a bit of strain on my social life. I’m scared to have sleepovers/ or invite friends around because I know the topic will be brought up and I don’t like talking about it. I don’t want to lie but I don’t really want them knowing either. When we’re at college and they start talking about it there’s so many of us that I can laugh and listen. However even that makes me uncomfortable sometimes when they’re talking about their gspots etc I’m thinking uhhhh O.O Everyone is also planning a big trip to Magaluf or shagaluf for our friends 17th. Fun! Not. It’s things like that I feel I’m missing out on and cannot connect properly with my mates. I have not had 1 of my college friends round my house ever.
I do not know why I have a big mind block thing about sex. I haven’t got problems watching it on TV or films. Although I do laugh most of the time because to me it sounds up surd the noises people make.( No offence!) I do want to be kissed, hugged, frenched, hickys even go down to underwear and kissed on the chest and belly that all seems nice to me. Fingered, oral, giving oral, hand job or sex? No.
I hate, hate hate, the look of penises! They just look so unattractive and unhygienic! Give me a guy in boxers I’m like OMG GET IN MY BED!!! Take them off I’m like I’ll kick you 10 out of it if you don’t put them back on.( Fictionally of course.) When I think about the stuff involved in sex it makes me shudder. I mean really? You want to put your hand on/in something that you pee/poo out of? Cum = disgusting. I hate when I get discharge on my undies let alone touching it. It just all seems so gross! However ever if I had to do one, I much rather actually have sex rather than oral. I do masturbate but I cannot finger myself so it just involves rubbing my clit through my knickers until I reach orgasm. I tried a few time to finger myself but it was in the shower/bath and nothing really happened. Could NOT do that if I was in my bed or anywhere out of the shower!
I do watch some porn but only lesbian I’m not sure why because I’m very much straight. Mostly softcore as well as I only watch on youtube because who trusts seedy websites? Virus central! When I’ve seen anything more than softcore, it turns me off and makes me feel very ill rather than very horny. I “know” that I’m straight because there are many guys I see who I think are hot and would like to date. However even the most beautiful women I cannot see myself doing anything other than befriending or envying! Hehe. When I think about kissing a guy I’m like YEAH BOI! Women I’m like ¬.¬ although I can’t say for sure, sure, because I’ve never done anything with anyone. If I imagine myself making sex noises I burst out laughing it funny with other people let alone myself!
I’m not afraid to buy condoms or contraption it’s not shameful and rather that then get HIV or fall pregnant! I’m think of getting the implant in my arm incase I ever do decide to have sex I think it’s really good. My friend has it in and said it was painless and much better than the pill. So it’s not embarrassment of that. :S
I would say I do have body problems but I don’t think you’ll find any teen girl who doesn’t. They’re not big but when I’m down I do think well if I cannot stand my body who else would want to see it? Or let them touch my fat. When I’m normal I see sense but I still think I’ve got a belly. :P Same for “looks” sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look quite pretty today other times I just see a big nose fat fulgyness. I would like to lose weight but right now on a good day, in reality I’m a perfect size English 8 and it’s alright. (Though a 6 on top would be nice.) I don’t have any problems with my boobs sometimes they look a bit big but I quite like them. I’m not a fan of big bangers and on me it’ll look ridiculous. (I’m 5’1 and a half not sure in cm but 5’1 is 155cm) I’m a size 32C cup and don’t really want to be any higher than that. So I don’t think it’s that either.
I’m sorry this is so long but I’m 16 and a half now I don’t want to stay a virgin forever. I have no idea why I feel this way and want to overcome it. I know it’s not normal I have no idea how to tackle it. Any advice would be highly appreciated. Has anyone else felt this way in their teens? Because everyone I know is like YEEEAAAHH SEX WOOO! I also thank you for reading through this whole thing!

**someone_like_u** · 10-27-2011 07:45 PM

Well, since you're only 16, I wouldn't be too concerned about sex right now. And don't feel pressured into sex just because all your friends are doing it. I never thought about having sex until I feel in love with my husband, granted, we've been together since I was 16. When you meet a special guy, hopefully, you'll see sex as a very pleasurable act that will be an amazing experience for you. Good luck myway

**jns** · 10-27-2011 10:46 PM

You have never been kissed, but think kissing is clean in comparison to things like being masturbated? Being masturbated with clean hands and no cuts or sores or perforations of the skin is much cleaner.

I think you will change your views somewhat when you fall in love with some guy. You will be confronted with what your body is wanting to do and your mind will have a hard time saying no. For the most part, there is nothing wrong with the bodily fluids of oral sex or intercourse. If people got diseases every time they were intimate, the human race would have died out a long time ago. Of course, it is a good approach to have a partner who is STD free, so testing is a good idea unless the two people are complete virgins. BTW, urine is sterile while in the bladder and it is almost sterile upon elimination from the body with good hygiene.

**Goosey** · 10-27-2011 10:52 PM

Oh don`t worry about it. When you have a relationship with someone who turns you on -- sex will no longer seem gross. I felt the same way in highschool, only difference was none of my friends had had sex until they were in university. So the sex talk didn`t start until wedding talk started.

Sex is fun and exciting (in theory it sounds gross), but once you experience it, you will change your mind.

Don`t worry about it!

**danceintx** · 10-28-2011 12:13 AM

This sound more like an aversion to imtimacy more than solely about sex. You don't mind watching it, thinking about it. Scantily clothed men turn you on so it doesn't sound like you have sexual identity issues. I think mabye you just have an issue with someone showing you intimacy or showing you physical affection. Now, at 16 I'm not advocating you have sex by any means, but you may want to atleast evaluate why you won't even open yourself up to being kissed or cuddled. Is it more about letting a man in than it is about sex?
About the body issues, I was the worst when I was your age, I thought I was hideous. Boy, what I wouldn't give now at 35 to have that body back.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-28-2011 06:43 AM

You're not ready. It's that simple. And you're 16, it's definitely not a bad thing to NOT be ready. I promise you, all these girls that are out sleeping around won't be bragging about it 5 years from now. You are not REQUIRED to have sex, or even want sex. Ever. Your social life should not be based around whether or not you do it.

I would not recommend going on hormonal birth control when you're not sexually active and don't really plan to be that way any time soon. Why put yourself through that?

Let things happen naturally. Do not succomb to peer pressure to try to tell you what you should be doing at this point. You will be much better off if you steer clear of all that right now, find friends that have more substance than to think only of sex and what boys they can have sex with.

**myway** · 10-28-2011 10:57 AM

Thanks everyone! You've puit my mind at more ease now.

I did not think it was as simple as me not being ready. I'm definitely not scared of it, I just find it nasty. I wouldn't go on the pill but the implant stops your periods too. Which I wouldn't mind as I tend to get heavy 2 weekers and want to die at some point on one. :P I know I shouldn't compare but forgot my peer group I reckon about 90% of my college are not longer virgins. It seems danuting to me, what's worse is my 13 year old friend telling me that her 12 year old friend get herself pregant. :X (Legal age is 16 here.)
I don't think I'll get ill from sex, it just seems really unhygienic. I wouldn't mind letting someone in but now I'm highly doubtful I'd find anyone who wouldn't want sex. Plus the fact all the striaght guys I've met so far are arrogant, sleezy, ill mannered, immature, cave men. :\

**KateA** · 11-09-2011 09:54 PM

I think at the moment you are a bit young to be worrying about that. You also seem to have the wrong attitude about it. Just because all of your friends are 'doing it' (also I doubt all of them are doing it, I bet some aren't being completely truthful about their experience) doesn't mean you have it. Also, don't miss out on things just because you don't want to have sex.

You just need to learn to relax and not take it too seriously. Wait until you find someone you REALLY like, and then take it slow. Just because you like someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them!

**setsuna** · 11-10-2011 02:15 PM

Well... I know what exactly you mean. I was the same - totally grossed out by guys (well I liked them... but only from distance

) and thinking that oral sex is the only way I would like to try... That`s how I lived until 20 still being a virgin...
I got different when I met my first boyfriend - he somehow melted all my negative feelings away and now I really enjoy having sex (even though I still don't like other guys touching me even in casual way)... ^^
So don`t worry - your time will probably come ^^ Spend it with someone who is worthy of you ^^