I'm confused, help!

**zoebabii328** · 10-27-2011 07:52 PM

I'm 19 years old, and I'm currently in my first relationship. We'll sext, quite a bit actually, and I really love it. I definitely get off from it and I have masturbated and orgasmed before (but not really by fingering my clit). I like when we kiss but the first time I tried to touch his penis, I kind of freaked out. I can do it now and I'm starting to really like it. And when he touches my breast, at first I'd seriously start shaking and get tense but it's better now. And I really do like all those things.

But the same thing happens when he touches my clit. I completely convulse and I can barely take it and I don't know why! It's so upsetting, and even though he's really sweet about it he doesn't understand it.

I'm a virgin, nobody's ever touched me down there and I really don't finger myself, but I do masturbate and have orgasmed. Everyone says that I should get to know my body first, but I honestly can't even stand the thought of actually doing that... finger myself or even looking at those parts. It creeps me the out.

There's no bad experiences with this either, because I have none at all (... hopefully.) - so that shouldn't be the problem.

I just don't know what to do and I'm so upset about it, it's devastating. I definitely want to have sex with him but I'm getting in the way. I keep telling myself that it will go away, maybe tell him to go slower and gentler when he does it, that like the rest of my reservations it'll just go away, and that it's only because I'm not used to intimacy or any kind of close human relationships. I hope it's true but I just don't know...

**LanaBear** · 10-27-2011 08:35 PM

Is it because your clit is overly sensitive?

Try not to be so upset over it. The more upset you are the bigger the block is going to be to overcome it. You need to be able to talk to him, tell him and guide him on how to pleasure you. If you can't handle clit stimulation, then you can't. No party foul there. We are not all wired the same.

A couple of suggestions though... Buy a bottle of lube, only if you have to use a little little bit. If I'm not wet enough down there, playing with my clit can be uncomfortable at times.

I would encourage YOU playing with your clit and seeing if you can get anywhere with it, with you being in control of the stimulation, the pressure, the movement, etc. If you masturbate, how do you? I'm kind of confused with you saying you masturbate, yet don't finger yourself or play with your clit?

**hizenberg** · 10-29-2011 12:53 AM

i would recommend that you do try and explore yourself down there and see what you do and dont like as it does help. sounds like you are overly nervous and maybe you just need to try and relax a little. Try talking with him and making a point before anything happens to just see where it leads too because if your thinking it might not happen you may relax and therefore your problem may be solved. You really should try on yourself so when your both together you can guide his hand in the right place, also sounds like you maybe eager to have sex. when im all worked up for so long i tend not to be able to handle any kind of clit stimulation. all i know at the end of the day is practice really does make perfect.

**jns** · 10-31-2011 09:45 PM

If you are very sensitive, it is better to stimulate the clitoris through the hood.

Having someone touch you that you are not thoroughly intimate with can be very high in anxiety (yes, it can be the same way for the guy). Try to go slow and relax. Spend a lot of time just hugging and cuddling. Gradually get to exploring between kisses or even during kisses. Many young guys and some older guys can want to do things too fast. Remind your SO to slow down.

**zoebabii328** · 11-02-2011 07:51 AM

Thank you all so much for the advice! You definitely made me feel better and made this whole thing a little easier. It definitely is much easier "under the hood" as someone said. What happened actually was, the idea of touching myself freaked me out so much, but this one time we kind of had phone sex and that actually really helped, too (although I couldn't finish that way, it felt like I need more).