Do I Expect Too Much to be Satisfied Sexually?

**keyboardtapper** · 10-29-2011 05:05 PM

Hi,

I'm afraid I shall have to be blunt on this post, so hope I do not cause offence as it is a serious problem for me that I am asking help for. In the sexual relationships I have had, I have never been able to orgasm by intercourse alone, and only really feel sexually satisfied orally. I am a very 'giving' person and perform fellatio a lot. However, I have yet to find someone who will give back for even a third of the time. I know you shouldn't give to receive, and I do enjoy what I do, I just end up feeling very disatisfied. Should it be equal i.e. if the man orgasms every time, isn't it fair than the woman should? I have got to the point where another relationship has broken up over it. I guess my overall question is, is it wrong to expect to be satisfied? I've been told by my last bf that I put too much emphasis on it, but the way I feel is that it is unfair that I put so much effort in and get nothing back. Is it a psychological obsession I have that needs to be sorted out (please advise how!) or simply that I have not met the right kind of man who sees things equally? Thank you for your advice.

**jns** · 10-29-2011 09:47 PM

You should be able to receive as much as you give. Find a guy who is willing to give a lot more.

There are many guys out there who are really selfish. There are some who give oral a lot until they are in a solid relationship, then they start doing it less. Avoid both of these groups. Find someone who is enthusiastic about giving oral, even if you have to instruct him on the technique. How long does oral on you usually take for you to orgasm? Can you have multiple orgasms? Have him have fun giving you oral first before getting him off.

**Mes T** · 10-29-2011 09:57 PM

keyboardtapper, you are not expecting too much. In fact it seems way too many women tell themselves it's okay to expect less, when really, why should it be?

I am happy to hear that you are standing up for yourself and your needs. I hope you'll find someone who understands equality in the bedroom!

**keyboardtapper** · 10-30-2011 06:26 AM

Thanks, it is encouraging to know I am not being unreasonable. Fifty-fifty seems fair to me and I told my last one that. He replied that having an orgasm shouldn't be such a focus for me, to which I replied, that's easy to say when you get to achieve one every time! In response to your questions JNS: I have no idea what multiple orgasms are so it is a safe bet that I have never had one! It depends on length of time, if the man knows what they are doing, it will only be a few minutes. With the last one, he only tried a few times and only achieved it once. To be fair, he did really try on the last time, but I was so conscious that it was taking so long (and that it was probably my last chance as he wouldn't do it again for ages) that I couldn't orgasm at all. I do feel that is part of the trouble - the fact that they attempt it so rarely (and mostly only when asked to) that I feel under pressure and it doesn't work. I can't just enjoy it because I know it's not going to happen for ages. I think I go into relationships almost expecting to be disatisfied, as I always have been. I would just like to be neutral and not hung up about it and be able to enjoy sex for what it is without keeping a mental balance book on who gets what! Any ideas on how to approach any further relationships so I do not repeat the same pattern?

**jns** · 10-30-2011 08:18 AM

After the first orgasm, the guy should back off but no0ot quit doing what he is doing to stimulate you unless you become way too sensitive. For a woman, the recovery periods is usually several minutes (from my experience). After that, the guy should build up in an ebb and flow fashion until you are on the brink. Then he should go all out to take you over the top again. This can be repeated until you are tired and have had enough.

I think finding a guy who is enthusiastic is like searching through things until you find the item you are looking for. As I said, an enthusiastic guy may need training. He has to build up the skill somehow and if he is good, he may be retained by a SO unless he has a personality problem.

**angelstrawberry** · 10-30-2011 03:01 PM

I think you are asking for a little too much. It depends. To have him do it once a week if it takes no more than 15 minutes is fine or MOST of the time if youre done in less than 5 minutes. You say you give but would you really want to suck him every single time until he cums for 20 minutes? Sometimes a man or woman wants a quickie and not be forced to do the same routine everytime. Do you masterbate and orgasm from that? You should try to figure out how to orgasm from intercourse. Try missionary sex with clitoral stimulation and more of a slow grind. It might take time but trust me vaginal orgasms are way better than oral ones.

**keyboardtapper** · 10-30-2011 04:50 PM

The experiences I have had with partners has varied from one who would give oral about once a week, to another who only did it about three times in two years. The most recent partner and I had a longer distance relationship where we only saw each other every month or so, so I would have expected more of an effort in the sex department. Although, saying that, we were always under time pressure, so it is probably unfair to expect great sex if the clock is ticking! And yes, I always suck until their orgasm, unless they want to try something else. I like doing it, so it's not that I'm complaining about really. I had given up on sex as a way to orgasm as I always had to do the stimulation myself and, frankly, it was a lot more satisfying to do it on my own (i.e. when they weren't there) then during sex. Perhaps because of that, I haven't given enough of a chance to that. I know it must be disheartening not to be able to satisfy your lover, but it does seem that the men I have had don't try that hard to do so! Angelstrawberry, you've given me a lot to think about - thanks!

**jns** · 10-30-2011 10:31 PM

Hopefully you will find who is enthusiastic about giving oral and can make you happy.

**sp346** · 11-01-2011 08:26 PM

A man who really cares about you should have no problem doing the things that you enjoy sexually just like you have no problem doing the things that he enjoys sexually. There is nothing wrong in asking. Men are not mind readers and unless you tell them what you like and want, they won't know. Many men (and women) don't know that many women may not orgasm from penetrations along and they need oral or hand stimulation. So unless you tell your man that, he will most likely be under the assumption that the intercourse is feeling just as good for you as it is for him. A man who is not willing to try to please a woman and is only interested in his own desires is not worth keeping around. It sounds like you haven't come across the right guy yet.

I agree that orgasm shouldn't be the only goal of sex, but it definitely should be one of the pleasures that you experience as often as you like. A man who under value your orgasm in comparison to his orgasm is a self ...

**confusededguy** · 12-16-2011 12:24 PM

Gosh, I wish my wife felt like you do! I love giving her orgasms from oral sex. I don't really understand why she doesn't want it very often, but when she is starting to get close she usually wants me to enter her. I prefer getting her to climax from me being inside her (makes me feel like a man to do it with my penis) but I would like to do it both ways. I always feel a little more relaxed sexually when I help her climax before we have intercourse; I don't feel as concerned about finishing first if she has already come.