Thread: I have lost the desire to have sex

Well this being my first post I'd just like to say hello to everyone and hopefully you can help me out!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and for the last several months I have lost the desire to have sex, with him or the thought of having sex with anyone else for that matter. However, in the beginning of our relationship it was not like this, we had sex all the time, tried new positions, places etc. Then slowly but surely each time we had sex was few and far between. I can't even recall the last time we had sex.

It may be hard for some to grasp but at this point in time I could easily live without having sex ever again. However, I feel awful and guilty for not wanting to have sex with him because to me it feels selfish and unfair to him. I've even come close to telling him he can go out and have sex with someone else just so he can release that sexual tension. Even though I know he wouldn't accept that.

Also, I am more attractede to women that's for sure. I don't find many men that are attractive to me, at least in looks, personality is a whole different ball game. I can find so many pictures of women that I think are gorgeous but no men. My boyfriend is good looking but I always tell him you're "cute, funny, adorable". His statement is always "I can never be sexy can I?" but in return I tell him that I don't want to date someone sexy (obviously since I don't seem to be attracted to them at all). I love him because he is cute, makes me laugh, is a complete gentleman etc.

He has offered to bring another girl in to "spice" things up but honestly I'm scared and nervous because I've never done stuff like that, especially with a complete stranger. I don't have any friends that I'm really close to, only people there available are my co workers, which is a no no.

He also points out that I am only intimate or close with him when he is away or as he states "the thought of losing him brings me closer".

I really want to desire sex because it's making me miserable seeing what it has done to him. Please any advice is welcome! Ask me anything else you want.

It doesn't sound like you're attracted to your partner. You can see a friend as "Cute, Funny, and a gentle man" with it being strictly platonic (sp?). Are you sure you still have feelings for him? If not, I would say the sooner the better to end things. If you are still in love with him, you can try spicing things up in the bedroom in other ways than having another person join. HAve you ever tried role playing or watching porn together. Maybe it would help to watch lesbian porn together. The best thing to do is to be completely honest and open with him. Communication helps a lot.

Originally Posted by lizzardb63

It doesn't sound like you're attracted to your partner. You can see a friend as "Cute, Funny, and a gentle man" with it being strictly platonic (sp?). Are you sure you still have feelings for him? If not, I would say the sooner the better to end things. If you are still in love with him, you can try spicing things up in the bedroom in other ways than having another person join. HAve you ever tried role playing or watching porn together. Maybe it would help to watch lesbian porn together. The best thing to do is to be completely honest and open with him. Communication helps a lot.

Yes I am sure I still have feelings for him. We have tried role playing, he has his own fantasies but I'm not so creative and good at it, it doesn't come natural and I feel like I'm trying way to hard to enjoy it. We do watch porn together, he always asks me to pick something out that I like in hopes that I will be aroused from it to get me in the mood for sex. I also watch porn alone when I'm bored which has now made porn sorta boring to me, but luckly there is always new porn to watch. I also rarely masterbate, he tells me that I need to just force myself to masterbate so I can get to know what I like and hopefully desire intimacy.

Are you on any medications? Birth control? Antidepressants? Sometimes medications can lower your libido. Don't force yourself to do anything, it will either make you regret it or make you feel uncomfortable. Only do what you want to do or what you're comfortable with. Have you tried changing your diet and exercise routine? I know that exercise can boost libido because it gets the blood flowing. Are you depressed or stressed out about something? I know me personally...if I am stressed out, it's hard to get in the mood. Try relaxing or finding a hobby that helps get stressful things off your mind. Maybe then you can focus more on being the sexy kitten that you are inside. See yourself as sexy. You're a woman with a beautiful body and a beautiful mind. It starts with you.

Hi
First off- cut back your intake of sugars and refined carbohydrates.
Porn is usually counter productive to relationship sex. Go to a site called your brain on porn.
Early on in a relationship ( Up to 2 Years) you will get a boost of relationship hormones that make you more interested in sex.
One of the most important hormones is Oxytocin. You can manipulate it in your relationship with massage and touch.
Lookup Karezza. This is slow touch and massage based sex without orgasm.
It will make your man into a different type of lover and his actions will boost your Oxytocin levels.
The raised Oxytocin levels will make you more interested in sex with him. It can become a self sustaining loop.

Ahh Chrriberri: I'm in the same boat. Married for 2 years and all. And we have sex once a month. I'm not on birth control. Hormone levels are fine. I want to know if this has gotten better for you? I can get to an orgasm but just don't have a desire to do it. Plus I don't even really want to get off myself when I'm alone at home. I rarely think of it. When I do I watch porn and use a dildo. I thought by piercing the hood of my clit would change things. Nope. Its just not there. I read another thread on here about radical changes in 30's or 40's (age) now they have sex all the time. I don't want to put my husband through all of that. We are both thinking this could be something wrong with me and not just that I'm being rude. Any help would be great. It sucks to know im 28 and my sex drive is at 5%.