i know this forums for women but i really could use some help

[happywifeisahappyhome]

hi my name is mike, and i love my fiance more than anything. I have spent the past year researching and practicing, and working on everything possible to make myself last longer and be a better lover for her. Lately its become a bigger and bigger problem for me and her and its putting some stress on our relationship.

See im the first guy that has been able to make her orgasm, but she loves when i go down on her, and i love to do it however... she likes for me to be able to get her to climax while im down there. This is where the problem comes in, i average an hour to an hour and a half down there trying to get her off and i manage to stay down there either till i fall asleep or i succeed, and not only is the time that it takes an issue but she usually just lays there, no sounds, no directions on where to be with my tongue or fingers to make it happen a little faster or feel better, and after all that time down there i dont get a thanks a hug, kiss or anything she just takes out her frustration at herself for being so hard to climax on me and gets an attitude with me and usually puts her pants on and walks off or goes to sleep.

This is all hard on me because she spends about 10 to 15 minutes giving me oral and then if i havent climaxed yet she gets frustrated when i ask for more, or she complains about being to tired to continue and just wants to have sex and get it over with.

Also she wants to keep going while were having sex so i can get her to climax and again we're going for nearly an hour and a half to 2 hours, before i can get her to climax or i apologize and i give up.

i guess my question is, what could be causing this, what can be done to help, and should she see her doctor to see if its a mental or physical thing that couldnt be blocking her from reaching climax.

thanks for any help and again sry for invading your forums but i have no one else i can really talk to, most of the guy forums are full of tools and jackwagons that only care about how to last longer or the best way to get a girl in bed.

[sp346]

I think you guys really need to talk about this and not while having sex. Some women do take longer to climax and I know going down on a woman that long can be hard. Also, giving oral to a guy is a lot harder. I could never go 10-15 minutes on my husband. I would have to mix it up to give my mouth a rest.

You need to tell her what you want from her and vice versa. Let her know that you don't mind the long oral, but you wouldn't mind mixing it up a bit and also would like her to show some appreciation. Maybe 69 so you are both getting pleasure. I like to give my husband a head scatch or talk dirty. Tell her you are not a mind reader so she needs to give you some instructions. Make sure you phrase it so its more about "I want you to teach me how to give you the best pleasure" and not "I don't know what you want." Spend a lot of time in different forplay, not just oral. Vibrators really work. Mix it up. Find different things to do.

The other thing is take the focus of orgasm and place it on pleasure. The pressure to have an orgasm can stress a person into not having one. She needs to be relaxed.

I think the biggest thing is communication. It seems like both of you are frustrated and you need to talk to each other openly about that you want sexually from each other.

[kristalyn_04]

The problem is simple: COMMUNICATION! She shouldn't just lay there hoping you'll stumble upon the right spot and do the right thing, she needs to direct you better as to what she likes, and give some audible cues when you're doing something that feels good. You can also learn to pay attention to her body responses, sometimes they can be subtle but you can learn what they are when you're doing something right. It is also a mental thing... her mind needs to be in the right place to reach orgasm. Do you spend a lot of time with foreplay? Try that, get her VERY turned on before you stick your face between her thighs. Hope that helps.

[Seeker_Advice]

Honestly, IMO, it's a you problem and not a her problem.

Technique is 90% of the problem in most cases - IMO. Contrary to popular opinion and porn movie, it's more about the "suck" then the "lick". Like biting into a juicy peach or plum. the kind where the juice runs down your face/chin and you use both upper and lower lips to create suction to collect all of that juice? I don't know anyone who licks a peach or plum or anything else that is juicy for that matter...

She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D is a very good book - IMO for all men to read.

My SO takes longer than previous lovers to orgasm from my oral...and I love giving her oral....the book helped me a lot to become better at it and enjoy it even more...if that was possible. So buy the book and read it. You'll be glad you did.

[angelstrawberry]

I would say that she sounds selfish but if you love her just work together. If youre down there and shes not getting wetter or moving or making sounds somethings not right. Not neccessarily your fault because most of sex and the ability to orgasm is mental. Whether the oral sex is really good or just ok I will usually cum within 15 minutes unless I have been drinking. She has to be very aroused. I have never orgasmed without thinking of something erotic, this is what I think many women dont know. You can't expect a man to make you orgasm. Maybe you have to coach her a bit, buy her a vibrator and some books. Maybe play a porn while giving her oral to start out. I also agree that maybe more foreplay is needed and switch things up a bit. I would never give a man oral for an hour and would feel really bad for him to go down that long. As far as her instructing you, im not sure she even knows what gets her there. But during oral you could pop up now and then and ask does she like it. Try new things. Could be a fun challenge to make her orgasm through intercourse. Try missionary with a slow grind. Good luck

[happywifeisahappyhome]

thank you for the replies, i actually managed to get her twice tonight by telling her not to do anything but relax and not be afraid to make noises and that they only let me know how i was doing, the other night when i posted this i had asked her to direct me on what to do, what felt better and where, and i had been getting frustrated because she would have me move all over which i didnt mind but there were times where she basically had me sucking on her leg and i could tell by the fact that there was no leg twitch of muscle tightening that this wasnt the spot i needed to be in, so i think the fact that i needed to keep stopping and asking since she was just laying there and not telling me or making any noises was part of the issue.

Tonight when i did it we did 69 however she was only able to work on the balls and shaft since i was circumcised just last week and my pleasure is somewhat set aside so any way i was slightly aggressive with her to give her that erotic excitement, and surprisingly when i asked she said using fingers for extra stimulation didnt help. so i did use a lot of tongue and the occasional suction on the lips, and just paid attention to what made yer leg muscles tense up and shake and after about 45 minutes i had made her climax twice. it seems that she doesnt know for sure what gets her to that point but im good enough at reading her body language to get her there.

and Seeker_Advice im not dismissing your input at all i will look into that book, but im somewhat sure its not on my part for the most part just because she's the only girl ive had this problem with, usually foreplay with ex's was able to get them atleast once then when i went down on them another 1-2 times and then sex i tried for atleast once before finally letting myself go. and the fact that im the first guy that has been able to make her orgasm tells me its been an issue with her mentally not being comfortable with the idea of an orgasm or not familiar enough with the feeling of one.

thanks again for all the replies and im still open to more ideas i would love to cut down on the time with some foreplay ideas or maybe some things that you other women like the feel of (i know its not the same for everyone but it doesnt hurt to try)

[Hopeless Dork]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, it sounds like the lack of communicatin about what feels good to her could be the stumbling block. You can study every sex manual, watch every movie on tips to make a woman O... but every woman has her own combo lock to get there and she has to be in a mental state of arousal to facilitate it as well. Since she can orgasm, I doubt its physical or mental as to why it doesnt happen sooner. To me it sounds like she is either letting her mind drift off and losing focus on the pleasure (which is bound to happen if its taking an hour) or she is just too shy to give you the directions you need to make it happen faster.

If she is shy, doesn't like to talk about sex, etc... you have your work cut out for you however.. you can try by asking occasionally, maybe even in a text or email where she might feel more comfortable saying things than face to face at first: Did you like it when I did xyz? Which do you like better... x or y? Or x and y together? Is it too soft? Should I be a bit more firm? Is it too firm should i be a bit more gentle?

As she opens up she can help you a lot... without her communication , it can take a real long time to work out what she needs to get off. Does she masturbate? Does she masturbate in front of you or during sex? If so you can learn the way she touches herself to have an idea of the motion and pressure and speed she needs to get off.

If you guys are comfortable with each other... this can vastly improve. But she has to want it to get better as much as you do.

[ItsASecret]

I can be the same way with massive amounts of required time to finish. Though, I really do not get much from oral, my bf can go for 2 hours and it will feel the same as when he started...no tingles no jingles nowhere near an orgasm. Some women are just not that responsive to the soft motions (if she is used to using a good degree of pressure to finish one really cannot create that type of feeling with lips or a tongue no matter how long you go) so it can take a very long time or not finish at all.

As for the communication, that is an uphill battle if she is not open to talking about sex. I know when I was first getting into sex I had a hard time talking about it because it was so different and weird to talk about whether or not a finger inside me gave me pleasure....that sort of awkward hurdle is hard to get over if you are not a talkative person to begin with. Time and patience is what is required. If she is not an open talkative type woman than hoping she will be a 'squealing' excessively moaning groaning or dirty talking girl during is clearly not what a guy should be expecting lol ( I am definitely not saying this is the type of guy you are but in general many guys think that simple conversation is how any girl will turn into the 'porn-esq' type woman). That type of quiet girl will open up to slight communication, but the chances of being the excessive communicator are slim simply based on her personality. That type of girl may give a slight gasp or moan but not go beyond that and it may be all she ever does and those should be used as your 'cues' to her pleasure. Her personality will often play a large role in how she communicates. A non-talker in general may not be very descriptive beyond "I like when you lick me but not suck", does not provide you with much to go on but it may be all she is willing to describe. While another woman may describe how she likes every fraction of your tongue to move.

You just need to go slow, the odd "how is this?", or "right or left" can make a difference. You seem to be the type of man that will spend the time communicating with her so that is a good start.

[happywifeisahappyhome]

I can be the same way with massive amounts of required time to finish. Though, I really do not get much from oral, my bf can go for 2 hours and it will feel the same as when he started...no tingles no jingles nowhere near an orgasm. Some women are just not that responsive to the soft motions (if she is used to using a good degree of pressure to finish one really cannot create that type of feeling with lips or a tongue no matter how long you go) so it can take a very long time or not finish at all.

As for the communication, that is an uphill battle if she is not open to talking about sex. I know when I was first getting into sex I had a hard time talking about it because it was so different and weird to talk about whether or not a finger inside me gave me pleasure....that sort of awkward hurdle is hard to get over if you are not a talkative person to begin with. Time and patience is what is required. If she is not an open talkative type woman than hoping she will be a 'squealing' excessively moaning groaning or dirty talking girl during is clearly not what a guy should be expecting lol ( I am definitely not saying this is the type of guy you are but in general many guys think that simple conversation is how any girl will turn into the 'porn-esq' type woman). That type of quiet girl will open up to slight communication, but the chances of being the excessive communicator are slim simply based on her personality. That type of girl may give a slight gasp or moan but not go beyond that and it may be all she ever does and those should be used as your 'cues' to her pleasure. Her personality will often play a large role in how she communicates. A non-talker in general may not be very descriptive beyond "I like when you lick me but not suck", does not provide you with much to go on but it may be all she is willing to describe. While another woman may describe how she likes every fraction of your tongue to move.

You just need to go slow, the odd "how is this?", or "right or left" can make a difference. You seem to be the type of man that will spend the time communicating with her so that is a good start.

honestly you hit it right on the head, im not looking for some "OH YES **** ME HARD" kind of porn thing by any means, i love having a very close connecting feeling with her, and im more than willing to work with her on communication as much as it takes to get her more and more comfortable with the openness needed to make things run smooth, but i think the main reason it bothers me so much is she really does a lot for me as far as understanding and stuff outside of the bedroom, and lately arguments have become more common place between us and it seems that often times when i dig into why she's so upset usually the end result is her mentioning that its frustrating not reaching climax as often as i do, so ultimately this has become a priority for me and its helping having all the info from a female point of view, so thank you and keep the suggestions coming