Thread: Need advice pretty please!!!

I recently started to date a guy and after about 8 or so dates, I felt ready to sleep with him.

The foreplay was wonderful but then when he took his pants and underwear off I realized how small he was. I never really seen a penis that small. I had hoped that an erection would make it larger but it didn't grow by much at all.

When he tried to enter me, he couldn't. I lied on my back, I had my legs of his shoulders, I leaned over the bed. Every position I could think of, I couldn't get him to enter me.

I finally retired to me being on my back and I realized he was going at it....like he though he was in me. Long story short, he came but it was pretty much through dry humping. I was devastated. I felt nothing.

I am not an overweight girl so that isn't an issue where I was too big to make it work. Nor am I "loose" to the point where I can't feel a penis. Heck, i can feel a tampon.

So after a few more times of "love making," I am at a crossroads. I don't know what to do. I am not being fulfilled in my sex life. I do enjoy the foreplay, but I enjoy actual intercourse as a feeling that we completed our lovemaking. I am not getting that and I am feeling empty.

How can I break the news to him? Would it be mean? I know how guys relate to their penis and the last thing I want to do is hurt is feelings. A wonderful relationship, for me, also includes sex. I am just not getting any.

Any advice?

Sex is extremely important to me also. I could not stay in a relationship like that. Maybe you should break up. Dont tell him its because his penis is small, not much he could do to change that.

When you say he is small, exactly how small are you talking. If he has at least 1 inch of a hard penis and wider than a tampon, that should be able to do the trick. Your body adapts to the size. If you think about it, even a single finger can feel pleasurable, so a small penis should be OK. If he can't give you pleasure, then I would assume it had more to do with technique (his) than his size.

Except for the G-spot, the inside of the vagina is not the most sensitive part of female sexual body. The G-spot can always be stimulated by the fingers. Maybe he can compensate with oral, toys and hand. I have heard lots of women say men with smaller penus are better lovers because they make an extra effort to please the woman because of their own insecurities with their size. He can use his penis to rub your clit, which should be very pleasurable.

If this seems like a relationship you want to pursue with long term possibilities, you really should go see a sex therapist, together. Check out the AASECT website to find a certified one near you. You want to be honest and talk about this upfront before emotions get involved. You don't want to fall in love with somebody who is not willing to work towards a better sexual relationship, especially if it has to do with his lack of technique. You need to speak with him honestly, explain you are not being sexually satisfied, but you really want to work towards having a better sexual relationship and hope that he will be open to the idea of working on it together. That's when you bring up the idea of a sex therapist. Often they are also couples counsellors as well, so you could also frame it as seeing a couples therapist.

Hope that helps.

Originally Posted by sp346

If he has at least 1 inch of a hard penis and wider than a tampon, that should be able to do the trick. Your body adapts to the size.

I can't understand for the life of me why the heck people want to convince others what size of a penis should feel good or bad. I know you just try to help but you are doing it so wrong.

I know that broccoli is just as good as lettuce but I would rather eat the latter given a choice. Do you want to convince me that I should see a dietitian?

All in all, you can't change your partner's personality and body, nor you can change yours. All that any of us can do is to find somebody who likes us for who we are and how we look like.

OP, dump him but lie when it comes to explaining yourself. Oh, and don't tell your friends either, it's a really small world we live in.

BTW, I mean no offense, I just tend to argue a bit harshly but I'm all jelly inside.

Annah,

If you feel like it's not working, I think you should either, try to take the lead and see if that helps and/or let him know that you feel like something is just a bit off and you don't think it's going to work out between the two of you. I agree that you shouldn't tell him it's because his penis is too small. No reason to give the guy a complex when he may already have insecurities, but if it's not working, then it's just not.

I would, however, maybe try to see if it's technique and try to take charge again and see if that works if you really like the guy and might want it work out. But ultimately, it's your call.

Originally Posted by sp346

When you say he is small, exactly how small are you talking. If he has at least 1 inch of a hard penis and wider than a tampon, that should be able to do the trick. Your body adapts to the size. If you think about it, even a single finger can feel pleasurable, so a small penis should be OK. If he can't give you pleasure, then I would assume it had more to do with technique (his) than his size.

I mean no offense when I say this, but no, a one inch hard penis does not do the trick for me. It may do the trick for you but it doesn't do the trick for me. When I get very aroused, no one finger inserted inside of me doesn't do the trick either.....it's when he rubs my g spot that does the trick if he had a finger inside of me. And a one inch penis cannot reach the G-spot much less get inside of me.

Except for the G-spot, the inside of the vagina is not the most sensitive part of female sexual body. The G-spot can always be stimulated by the fingers. Maybe he can compensate with oral, toys and hand. I have heard lots of women say men with smaller penus are better lovers because they make an extra effort to please the woman because of their own insecurities with their size. He can use his penis to rub your clit, which should be very pleasurable.

I always heard that it isn't the size that matters it's how he uses it that matters. Well, I am a 50/50 girl. I enjoy the size AND how he uses it. I don't want to sound graphic, but I enjoy the feeling of a man entering me....and if I cannot feel it, I get frustrated. And I have only been with a few men my entire life so my downstairs is still very tight. If I still can't feel anything then I come to a fork in the road in deciding what to do (and since this is my first encounter with a man who has a very very very small penis, I am confused as to what to do).

Originally Posted by Annah

I mean no offense when I say this, but no, a one inch hard penis does not do the trick for me. It may do the trick for you but it doesn't do the trick for me. When I get very aroused, no one finger inserted inside of me doesn't do the trick either.....it's when he rubs my g spot that does the trick if he had a finger inside of me. And a one inch penis cannot reach the G-spot much less get inside of me.

I guess I should clarity and say that I don't mean the small penis is good enough for you, but it should do something. If you are not feeling anything at all, then it is obvious he is not doing something right. Your choices are:
1) dump him and move on to find somebody who does sexually satisfy you
2) Try to make things work out.

If you are opting for the latter choice, then you have to talk to him and be open to what the issue is, whether it makes him uncomfortable or not. Most likely if he is that small, then he probably already is very self conscious about it so it is nothing new to him. The key to any relationship is communication. If you don't have the heart to openly tell him what you are feeling, you are better off ending things now then investing in a relationship that doesn't have a future and is obviously lacking current benetifs as well. If this guy is a keeper and wants to do his best to satisfy you, he should be open to the idea of using toys. You also have to be open to the idea of them. They can be pretty fun with a partner, but both partners have to be open to the idea of it.

If you don't want to talk to him and you can't be sexually satisfied without having intercourse with a living man attached to it, unfortunately your options may be limited with this guy.

As I mentioned before, see a sex therapist. They are the professional and can give you more advise. They probably have a lot of experience dealing with situations like this.

It sounds like he's not paying attention to what he's actually doing during sex. Like you, Annah, I enjoy penetration and vaginal sex (personally, I enjoy it over any other form of sex!) and I would not be able to "make it work" with a guy who couldn't get it in, for whatever reason.
When you were trying different positions, did you try guiding him into you? I'm trying to imagine a penis small enough to be unable to penetrate the vagina at all, and I'd think even 1 inch would be able to accomplish that - so maybe it's his technique?

And if you are unsatisfied with the sex you're having (I'd be unhappy with his apparent idea that his satisfaction means yours) that's a perfectly good reason to break it off. You don't have to tell him that it's because of his size, and I don't recommend it. It sounds like you've only gone on a dozen or so dates, not forged a terribly deep connection. Sooner is better than later to end it.

Originally Posted by Little

It sounds like he's not paying attention to what he's actually doing during sex. Like you, Annah, I enjoy penetration and vaginal sex (personally, I enjoy it over any other form of sex!) and I would not be able to "make it work" with a guy who couldn't get it in, for whatever reason.
When you were trying different positions, did you try guiding him into you? I'm trying to imagine a penis small enough to be unable to penetrate the vagina at all, and I'd think even 1 inch would be able to accomplish that - so maybe it's his technique?

And if you are unsatisfied with the sex you're having (I'd be unhappy with his apparent idea that his satisfaction means yours) that's a perfectly good reason to break it off. You don't have to tell him that it's because of his size, and I don't recommend it. It sounds like you've only gone on a dozen or so dates, not forged a terribly deep connection. Sooner is better than later to end it.

Yeah, i tried to guide him into me with several positions but I hard a hard time even grabbing him and "showing him where to insert it." Based on his lovemaking, it seems that he is used to not penetrating because he was going at it like a guy would during intercourse.

When we made love that night I was more horrified that he would realize he could not enter me than anything else. But it seemed to have not phased him.

I did break it off a couple days ago. I just said I needed to concentrate on my studies more than to be in a relationship right now.

What you could try (for him being too small) is talk him into more foreplay, try maybe talking to him about toys, his fingers, oral.....if he wasnt a virgin before he met you , then he has been told before that he isnt "up to regulation" he isnt stupid (it is his penis) just sihim down and have a serious talk, not over dinner or not dureing the "intercourse" if you really care about him/love him communication is the key, tell him you need to talk, even take some of the blame on yourself......he didnt choose the size of his member and you cant punish him for it...if everything else is great between you two, there are ways around the sexual issues......hope this helped