Thread: My stupidity with former boyfriend

I've posted here before about several issues, mainly orgasm issues (have them in my sleep, no other time) and boyfriend issues. Well, a few months ago, that boyfriend and I broke up. I had kind of been thinking that we should, but I wasn't fully ready to give up (foolishness, maybe) and let him be the one to end it. It hurt us both a lot, and we still talk sometimes.

The thing is, we sometimes joke about having sex, and have talked about our breakup being hard in that way. Sometimes, maybe once or twice a month, I get major urges and almost consider maybe hanging out with him and having sex. The thing is, this is SO unlike me. I was never even interested in sex until we were dating and I kind of had to be, and then sort of learned to like it, but never fully got anywhere (part of the reason we broke up.)

I asked him if he still thought about possibly having sex, and he says he does but still isn't sure about it, but doesn't want to let his body tell him what to do. I agreed and said I probably wouldn't go through with it anyway, but wanted to know if he still thought of it. Part of me was hoping he'd say yes for my self esteem (sad, I know) and part of me was hoping he'd say no so it was off the table.

Similarly, I want to know for a fact that we'll never get back together before moving on, even though I wasn't happy with him for a while and was kind of trying to make myself because I'm very attracted to him (oh, the patheticness.) It's really just his looks (I mean, he's a nice guy, holds doors open, occasionally funny) -- that was the main draw for me.

I just don't feel psychologically free to move on, and I think this need to know things for a fact is part of my anxiety disorder (also part of why we broke up.) But it feels so uncomfortable and I just want to know we're not going to have sex again and know we're not going to be a couple again.

I just act so foolish when I talk to him, and not like myself. I just feel like an idiot.

Wow, that was kind of a vent. Any thoughts/advice would help. This forum has always been helpful to me.

Personally, I think having sex with him right now would not be a good idea. You probably are feeling the sexual and emotional attraction towards him again because you're lonely, and also because most people want what they can't have. It seems more appealing once you know you can't have it. I feel if you started to have casual sex you could come across some tough issues such as one getting more attached than the other or falling back into the rut you were in before you broke up. If you want to see if it will truly work out, I would suggest keeping it sex-free and go on a few dates and see if you are truly attracted to him emotionally and think if you're truly compatible. If you feel it could work out, then I would give it a go. Just tread lightly, because not only do you have to worry about your feelings, but you don't want to play with his either, out of selfishness of wanting to please yourself.

Perhaps you should see other people and see if that changes your mind about him. Sometimes a break is what a relationship needs. It will either show you that he's the one you want or that you'd like to see what's out there.