Threesome?

**whatthehell4567** · 12-03-2011 03:53 PM

My boyfriend of a year wants to have a threesome with another woman. We are in a very committed relationship, and plan to get married. He has only had one other sexual partner besides me, and I have been more "adventurous" than he has in the past (dated women, etc.). The reason why he wants a threesome is to sort of make up for the sexual past he didn't have before we settle down. I don't care for the idea at all, but tend to go back and forth. Sometimes, I am all for it, and actually am aroused by it. Other times, I end up imagining some chick riding my boyfriend and want to break something. I express this to my boyfriend and he sees it as me being insecure. I am NOT sexually prude, but watching my boyfriend have sex with another girl is something I don't know if I can handle. He is very gung-ho on the idea, and it is something that will not disappear from our relationship. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, but I feel like I will be broken if we do it. I've heard the whole thing about "well, if you're insecure, don't do it" but I am wondering if I could just do it one time and be over it. Has someone been in a situation similar to this?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-03-2011 04:01 PM

Remember one thing...When a person puts something back onto you, it's usually for self gain, to make you feel that they are right, you have to be wrong, this is something I think that he really, really wants.

Question is, do you really?

There is a difference, to being adventurous, losing some inibitions, even compromising on some things perhaps you would not have otherwise.

But, "sharing" your fiancee with another woman, is a serious decision...

For instance:-

Will it be someone you know, or should it be someone you will never meet again
Will she be better in bed than you and if so, how will that make you feel
Will it be a once off, or will it lead him to tempation or to ask you to swing, or for it to happen again
Will you feel dirty, cheap after, or feel good about yourself
Will you feel love or resentment

The fact that you say "could I do this one time and be over it" means to me, you are questioning yourself on the above already.

In reality unless you both like to share, and have throughout your relationship, a one off to me, could destroy your relationship.

I also find it rude for him to state, "well, I am marrying you, but I just want to try someone else once, to see what? If they are different in bed? , Because well, I haven't tried anyone else".. Is this a comparisement?

There is so much you two can explore as a couple...

Also stating you don't want to lose him suggests he has alot of power over you.

When it comes to your body or to a moral issue, or something very serious, if he threatens to leave if you don't? Then he controls you... Is that what you want for the rest of your life? Because there will be more to come if that's the case...

Go with your own gut feeling on this sweet.

**LonelyWife** · 12-03-2011 05:37 PM

This is just my opinion, there is No Way I would share my husband with someone else. It wouldn't matter to me if I was included in the experience. And I am open to a lot of suggestions in bed, including another person just crosses a line for me.

But this is really up to you. Will including that other woman bother you? You have to comfortable with decisions that you make for you. Your SO should understand and respect you even if you say no to this particular fantasy. After all, what guy doesn't think about multiple hotties at once? We can't always get our way.

**skirt99** · 12-03-2011 10:43 PM

Lots of good advice here. I'm a bit curious though about how involved you were with other women as this is part of the threesome equation. Did you have a physical relationship?

**whatthehell4567** · 12-03-2011 11:52 PM

I was in a romantic relationship with another woman for a year. We did have a very physical relationship.

**demotivator** · 12-04-2011 03:00 AM

Originally Posted by whatthehell4567

The reason why he wants a threesome is to sort of make up for the sexual past he didn't have before we settle down.

So, he basically wants something he will never have. You should tell him that a threesome will not make up for years of dating and sex andi f you let him have one, you will be hurt, and he will have one less thing on his sexual bucket list. What's going to be the next thing?

**BabyGirl** · 12-04-2011 07:07 AM

The reason why he wants a threesome is to sort of make up for the sexual past he didn't have before we settle down.

You could always tell him that you might try a 3 some, but it has to be with another guy at least the first time.

If it's just for sexual experience as he says, what better way than to have him share you with another guy, have him have sex with another guy himself .

If he is unwilling to do so then he should be able to understand your not wanting to share him with another woman. After all you are with him,You chose him not another Chick, to settle down with.

If you do a 3 some with another Guy and all goes well, then consider a 3 some with a Chick. Who knows, you two might become Swingers in the long run.

But I'm betting he won't agree to sharing you with another Man.Which will validate your not wanting to share him with another woman.

Then again you two can watch Porn, threesomes,with women, Gay porn, Swingers Porn, Orgy Porn. And see if you can't enhance his Sexual experiences through Visual rather than Physical Fantasy's.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-04-2011 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by whatthehell4567

I was in a romantic relationship with another woman for a year. We did have a very physical relationship.

Maybe he is "white lying" . Maybe he is "using" the knowledge that you are bi-sexual and that you have been with a woman before, so what does it matter, he wants to try it now, he's visualised you with another woman and wants to see it in real life.

Either way in "my opinion" you are entitled to have a girlfriend, you are entitled to have a boyfriend, you are a one man woman, or a one woman woman... He doesn't have a right to change your standards.. Through fantasy.

**rosekitten** · 12-04-2011 04:09 PM

If someone loves you they won't try and guilt you into doing something that they want. There are tons of things I want from my husband (threesome included), but he's not comfortable with it. I am bi, and I'm not going to try and guilt him into doing something he doesn't want.

**oxy-moron** · 12-04-2011 04:14 PM

I think you need to resolve this before marriage. It wont go away and will get worse as time goes on. He hasnt sown his oats you but doesnt want to give you up.
I think he will eventually try to even the score even if it 20 years in the future.