Your thoughts please on my wife and her vibrator

**Tod121** · 12-12-2011 10:09 AM

I have read many views on sex toys and (correct me if Im wrong) the general idea is that a women can use a vibrator to masturbate WITHOUT her husband around as a quick "fix" just as long as it doesnt replace sex with her partner, would you agree?
My wife and I have had sex less than 6 times in the past 6 months and she told me in July that she had bought some sexy lingerie, a porn DVD and "something to play with", but despite my interest, I have only seen the lingerie twice, the DVD has never made an appearance and she only got the vibe out the once for about 10 minutes and never to be seen again, even though I said it was very sexy and she said it was amazing. Dont get me wrong, although I have always expressed an interest in lingerie I would never have suggested or encouraged porn dvds and "toys". I have found out that she has used it while I wasnt around and despite attempts to improve our relationship with greater conversation and trying to do more things on our own (date nights, etc) and as a family unit, our relationship is really struggling to improve.
If using a vibe as a quick fix is OK if everything else is fine, what if it replaces sex with a partner

. I dont think I really need to ask though.

**SexyOliva** · 12-12-2011 11:22 AM

I think that u have strange period...is she still sexy for u ?

**maleview** · 12-12-2011 11:49 AM

Any masturbation by the male or female should not come at the expense of sex between them. It could be that you just need to change up the time of day you are seeking it. If you get into a rut of only looking for sex at the end of the day, the chances of both being up for it are diminished. My wife and I find that first thing in the morning or right after work in the afternoon are good times. She may get frisky in the middle of the day and play with her vibe and then not be interested later. Maybe if you came home for "lunch" you would have more success.

**sp346** · 12-13-2011 08:46 PM

To me, the vibe is just another type of sex. So maybe one day you want to have oral and another day you want 2 hours of love making. The vibe just gets you off easy. Its a garunteed orgasm without much effort. Using it in the absence of your regular partner is the same as masturbating. Sometimes you do it even though you have a regular sex partner. I wouldn't worry about the fact that your wife uses it. If there are other issues with your relationship, then that is something else. Choosing to use the vibe without you may be a symptom of your degrading relationship. It is not the cause of it. The only one who can answer that is your wife, so you need to just ask her.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-14-2011 03:42 AM

Tod you ask really the same questions in reality in your threads, some have been merged.

If she is not prepared to share? Regardless of your eagerness, she is fantazing and you are not in that picture but she wants you to be.

So be a Man, take her, push her against a wall, she isn't interested in just in, out, in , out, she wants adventure..

What are you going to do?

**Tod121** · 12-14-2011 05:06 AM

Originally Posted by SexyOliva

I think that u have strange period...is she still sexy for u ?

We have only made love twice since the summer and last week I encouraged her to touch me when I woke up feeling frisky and she did oblige but when I asked if I could do the same for her she said no. I dont ever recall her saying no out-right before but I put this down to perhaps being the time of the month but I notice she is "on" this week, so Im still not sure about this. I have notice twice since that she has used her vibrator.

**Tod121** · 12-14-2011 05:32 AM

Originally Posted by maleview

Any masturbation by the male or female should not come at the expense of sex between them. It could be that you just need to change up the time of day you are seeking it. If you get into a rut of only looking for sex at the end of the day, the chances of both being up for it are diminished. My wife and I find that first thing in the morning or right after work in the afternoon are good times. She may get frisky in the middle of the day and play with her vibe and then not be interested later. Maybe if you came home for "lunch" you would have more success.

I take your point and agree. We have typically in the past had sex when we go to bed in the evening but also if we wake up feeling frisky on a Sunday morning when either the kids are still in bed or have gone down stairs, we grab the opportunity to have a bit of fun (making sure the bedroom door is firmly shut). But disturbingly recently, I left my wife "asleep" in bed and I got up with the kids. After having breakfast I went back upstairs to find the bedroom door shut which only ever happens if we are "at it". I went to the bathroom and when I came out I passed my wife on the landing heading for the toilet, this may seem quite innocent but "our" bedroom door is never closed unless we dont want the kids to catch us out.
Also, my wife has texted me while Im at work telling me she is feeling horny and the 1st time I was super busy and had no way of getting home and she told me she would just have to sort herself out then (this was before she bought the vibe). She has texted me 2 other times and I made sure I got away at lunchtime to "help her out" and I even booked a day off before the summer so we had the day to play. I thought that day had gone pretty well, I made sure she came 2 or 3 times before I couldnt hold back any further, we had lunch to recover our energy and I gave her a sensual massage and made love again but I felt afterwards she wasnt very friendly and got stuck into some housework which wasnt really necessary and a bit of a mood killer.

**Tod121** · 12-14-2011 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by sp346

To me, the vibe is just another type of sex. So maybe one day you want to have oral and another day you want 2 hours of love making. The vibe just gets you off easy. Its a garunteed orgasm without much effort. Using it in the absence of your regular partner is the same as masturbating. Sometimes you do it even though you have a regular sex partner. I wouldn't worry about the fact that your wife uses it. If there are other issues with your relationship, then that is something else. Choosing to use the vibe without you may be a symptom of your degrading relationship. It is not the cause of it. The only one who can answer that is your wife, so you need to just ask her.

When I 1st considered my wife masturbating without my it was something to get my head round but accepted that most people do it and its fine as a quick release. When she bought a vibe I thought it was perhaps taking it a step too far but again got my head around it and it was kinda sexy to think of her with it but now it has got to a stage where we rarely have sex which in itself has caused an atmosphere at home which I have tried hard to patch up with date nights and even taking up a sport together but I have found in our internet history her googling "I dont love my husband" and doing the lottery numbers with her and the childrens birthdates but leaving our mine. Since then we have held hands whilst walking together and she has told me several times that she loves me but I dont know what to believe! I have asked her a couple of times recently "are WE OK" and she just says yes.

**Tod121** · 12-14-2011 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Tod you ask really the same questions in reality in your threads, some have been merged.

If she is not prepared to share? Regardless of your eagerness, she is fantazing and you are not in that picture but she wants you to be.

So be a Man, take her, push her against a wall, she isn't interested in just in, out, in , out, she wants adventure..

What are you going to do?

Your comments about my threads make me feel that I am wasting your time, I am sorry but I need somewhere to vent and hope someone has useful replies. People I have spoken to say I do everything a good husband and father could do and yet my wife always seems to want more, she has no job\income and many people have said that a job would do her a world of good but she has expressed no interest and puts down any possible job oppertunities. What control do I have over something like that? I have set aside "us time" in various geises, if she needs adventure, I have to ask like what??? She is spending money like there is no tomorrow and we are getting in bigger and bigger debt. What form should this adventure take? like Ive said I have done weekends away just the 2 of us and started playing a sport together that she likes. Im all "ears".

**sp346** · 12-14-2011 10:56 AM

Tod121, it sounds like your issue is not a sexual one, its a relationship one. Getting into more debt won't help. If anything, it will add to your stress level. You apppear to be just driving yourself crazy searching the internet history and tracking when your wife used the vibe. If you have tried everything without success, its time to get the help of a professional. Seek marriage/couples counselling. Marriage is hard and we all go through difficult periods. That is why the divorce rate is so high. You've asked your wife if she loves you, but then her actions say something else. She is not communicating with you honestly or something else is going on. Whatever it is, the sexual issues are only symptoms of a bigger issue. Please look into professional help. Tell your wife you are not happy with where your relationship is. Be very honest. Don't try to make assumptions based on some of her actions without getting her side of the story. Propose seeing a therapist to help with your relationship. Sometimes it easier to talk with a third party to help facilitate the conversation.