Thread: My new boyfriend just told me he has Herpes

It was not courageous of him to sleep with you, and then be like "oh, yeah, I have an STD lolz, my bad." Courage is a lot of things, but knowingly having an STD and not 1) telling the person you're with and 2) using protection (in that order). I wouldn't stay with someone who did that to me, but that's my personal opinion. He's not a good person, so far as I'm concerned, and I wouldn't waste anymore time with such a thoughtless person.

I'm with the others in saying that it was incredibly irresponsible and careless of him to not tell you about this before you had sex. Being in the heat of the moment is not an excuse. But I also think that you should be responsible for your own protection, take the initiative to talk about these things before you have sex with someone, use protection always. You are lucky it wasn't something more serious, some STD's are life-threatening. I wouldn't see this guy again, take it as a lesson.

aegan goddess, i am so sorry he did this to you. i'm sure it is very worrisome & frustrating, there are a lot of feelings involved w/ something of this nature. i agree with the fact i don't believe he is telling you this now to "look out for you", so to speak -- i think it is purely out of guilt. he had sex with you knowing very well of his status & there is no one here to blame but him. i understand you feeling partly responsible bc there was no condom involved, but even if there was a condom does not fully protect you from the transmission from herepes. even skin to skin contact with the genitals WITHOUT intercourse can infect you. most doctor's & std clinics do not test for herpes without any visable legions (which can take weeks to months to years to appear!) so your best bet is to get a blood test done by a lab. they can test for any abnormal antigens that can be found in those carrying the herpes virus, technology is great nowadays this way you can find out what your status is sooner than anxiously waiting for something to appear "down there" & before you possibly infect someone else. ALWAYS get regular pap tests done as these too can detect any changes in the cells in your uterus, which can often signal signs of herpes, HPV and cervical cancer. regarless of what you decide to do, since you did not use protection, i suggest you get a full std screen to make sure he didn't give you anything else, including HIV. this too can be done by a simple blood test, but it is recommended you wait 3 - 6 months after exposure to get tested, as it can take time before your body starts producing antigens associated with HIV. good luck to you!

I'm glad you accept your own responsibility in the situation. It is very unfortunate that you found this out after the fact, tho. Whether or not you stay with him is your decision, but getting tested is absolutely necessary.

he is not honest and it's just the beginning
what do u expect will happen next?

Um...I'm furious at him FOR you. This guy should no longer be your "new boyfriend" but your EX boyfriend. It is 100% totally unacceptable to have unprotected sex with someone when you KNOW you have an STD, especially an incurable one. How incredibly selfish. I do not buy the whole "heat of the moment" thing. I don't care how "heated" I was...I can promise you that if I knew I had herpes, I would NOT have unprotected sex with someone. It wasn't about the heat of the moment, it was about him being turned on, wanting sex, and being willing to disregard your health and well being in order to get his rocks off. Get yourself tested ASAP. Tell your doc what has happened so that you can take the proper precautions to figure out if you've been infected. Kick this guy to the curb.. not because he has herpes, but because he was deceitful and his selfishness could very well have changed the rest of your life.

On top of what the others have said.

You must now also take responsibility for yourself and letting any potential partners know that you have been Exposed to herpes. Even if you have not been diagnosed ( it can take months or years to actually show up or be in the Active Stage) you must let your partner know, Before Sexual Contact.

This guy had changed your life. Now you are responsible for your life and one of possibly a life long sexual disease and responsible for any other Man or Partner you chose to be Intimate with.

Get Tested, One test is not going to do it, talk with a Dr. about how frequently you should test.

Educate yourself about the Disease, from the minor factors to the Major (extreme) cases.

Things like

Herpes is not a genetic condition and so cannot be passed on from parent to child in this way. Herpes is also not spread through blood, saliva, semen or vaginal fluids, instead, the herpes virus is spread by direct skin to skin contact.
There are eight types of human herpes virus. Most are characterized by eruptions of small, usually painful, skin blisters:

Herpes simplex type 1 —causes recurrent cold sores and infections of the lips, mouth, and face. This virus is contagious and spreads by direct contact with the lesions or fluid from the lesions. Cold sores usually recur at sites where there is an elevated temperature due to fever or prolonged sun exposure. Occasionally this virus may cause blisters on the fingers. If the virus gets into the eye, it can cause conjunctivitis (swelling of the inner surface of the eyelids, sometimes called "pink-eye") or even a corneal ulcer (open sore on the cornea). On rare occasions, it can spread to the brain and cause the brain disease encephalitis.

Herpes simplex type 2—causes genital herpes, as well as infections that are passed on to a pregnant woman's unborn baby. This virus is contagious and is transmitted by sexual intercourse. It produces small blisters in the genital area. When the blisters burst they leave small, painful ulcers (open sores). The ulcers heal within 10 days to 3 weeks. Headache, fever, enlarged lymph nodes, and painful urination are the other symptoms of Herpes simplex type 2.

Varicella-zoster (herpes zoster)—causes chicken pox and shingles. en pox is a highly contagious, airborne virus. Symptoms of chicken pox include fever, headache, and a rash of small, itchy blisters. Around five days after forming, the blisters break and scab over. A vaccine was approved for chicken pox in the mid-1990s.

Shingles is caused by the reemergence of the herpes zoster virus, which lies dormant in the body following a case of chicken pox. Shingles usually affects older adults, although it can affect people of any age. It strikes when the immune system is weakened (because of age, certain diseases, and the use of drugs called immuno suppressants) or during times of excessive emotional stress. Shingles may also result from the use of drugs called corticosteroids.

Shingles takes the form of a painful rash of small blisters. The blisters dry and crust over, eventually leaving small pitted scars. The rash tends to surface over the ribs, or in a strip on one side of the neck, abdomen, or lower body. Sometimes it affects the lower half of the face and eyes. Shingles may cause severe pain and long-lasting nerve damage.

Epsteiri'Barr—causes infectious mononucleosis, also called "mono." Symptoms of this disease include: high fever; sore throat; fatigue; and swollen lymph glands in the neck, armpits, and groin. Mono occurs mainly during adolescence.

Cytomegalovirus—this strain of herpes virus enlarges the cells it infects. Whereas it generally does not produce symptoms in the carrier, it can cause birth defects when transmitted from a pregnant mother to her unborn child.

There are three other known human herpes viruses. The first is Human herpes virus 6 (HHV-6), which is commonly associated with roseola, an infection that produces a rose-colored rash. The disease association is not yet understood for the two remaining viruses, human herpes viruses 7 and 8 (HHV-7/8).

Herpes gestationis is a rare skin-blister disorder occurring only in pregnancy and is not related to the herpes simplex virus.


I would ask the Hopefully EX BF, what kind or Stage of Herpes he has ? So you may be better prepared ..