Thread: Unable to have sex

Hi,
my partner and I are having difficulty in having sex - its the first time for both of us. Here are a few things I just wanted to point out:
1. My partner does get pretty wet during foreplay
2. I dont appear to have problems when it comes to getting an erection, I know there are times when we shower together and it can stay hard for quite a while - not sure how long but easily over 10 minutes - which i'm guessing is long enough to pentrate an have sex, right?
Anyway the problem we face is that, everytime we try and have sex, I just cant seem to pentrate her - its like trying to push into a brick wall. Usually what happens then is from the frustration of not being able to get in I lose my erection. We pretty much try the missionary position only and thats where the problem also seems to be - every time i lie ontop of her its seems like my penis never lines up correctly and then i have to keep adjusting myself or trying to position myself, even after thats done i still can't seem to get it in. Ive never actually used my hands to guide it in - could that be the problem, basically i lie on top of her and try to push it in my just trying to line up my hips with hers. i know its probably not supposed to be that difficult but id appreciate any tips or help. I know one thing, the one time we tried it with her on top, she was able to get me inside of her. the problem is it was such a struggle and hurt me a little that by the time i was fully inside of her, i then just lost my erection. eerytime we've tried with her on top after that, it just either seems hard for her to get me in, or it hurts me. anyway id appreciate any advice/help anyone has
thanks

or perhaps if someone has any tips on how best to get into the missionary position that would help too - just as at this stage any help would do

Does she have a little anxiety about having sex? Is she nervous? Sometimes if you don't relax enough the muscles are too tensed to get the penis easily inserted. Try giving her a massage first and relaxing her, and yes, use your hand to guide it in, that way neither of you hurt yourselves. I always use my hand to line up my fiance's penis with my vagina. Makes it easier.

Perhaps you need some lube too. I always use lube, not because I don't get wet, but it definately makes it easier to have him insert inside me. It might take a couple times for it to become comfortable for her, but if it is at all painful to the point where she really is hurting, then I would stop. It should only be a little uncomfortable at first and should go away after a little bit (from the initial insertion, might just feel sort of tight).

I think maybe you're both putting too much pressure on yourselves. Sex isn't always going to be glorious, and there's gonna be awkward moments, and until you get more experienced and really get to know each other's bodies, it may seem a little weird at first.

If I could tell you one position that is easiest (in my opinion), is doggy style. She gets on her hands and knees and just relaxes her vagina, and you get on your knees and SLOWLY insert yourself. Go back and forth in and out a little in each time if you must work your way in their (I know my fiance can't just jam it in there, it needs to be gradually worked in). And then let her move back and forth stroking your penis so then she can control exactly what is comfortable for her. Does this make sense?

You or she should use your hands to provide guidance: there's nothing wrong with that, and if she's the one providing the guidance it can be wonderfully exciting.
Just ask her!

Thank you everyone, i appreciate the help - about lube - would i need to put it on just right before i try and penetrate or can i put it on her when we start to make out ie before i get erect. the thing is i dont want to interrupt the moment. I know lube is supposed to be wet, but does it dry up really quickly? I just picked up some durex play - in case its brand specific.

Originally Posted by lizzardb63

Does she have a little anxiety about having sex? Is she nervous? Sometimes if you don't relax enough the muscles are too tensed to get the penis easily inserted. Try giving her a massage first and relaxing her, and yes, use your hand to guide it in, that way neither of you hurt yourselves. I always use my hand to line up my fiance's penis with my vagina. Makes it easier.

Perhaps you need some lube too. I always use lube, not because I don't get wet, but it definately makes it easier to have him insert inside me. It might take a couple times for it to become comfortable for her, but if it is at all painful to the point where she really is hurting, then I would stop. It should only be a little uncomfortable at first and should go away after a little bit (from the initial insertion, might just feel sort of tight).

I think maybe you're both putting too much pressure on yourselves. Sex isn't always going to be glorious, and there's gonna be awkward moments, and until you get more experienced and really get to know each other's bodies, it may seem a little weird at first.

Hey Lizard, I think its safe to say we're both stressed about it - I'm primarily worried about hurting her or it being painful for her. Just wondering when you say you line up your fiance's penis with you vagina - is this in the missionary position?

Originally Posted by lizzardb63

If I could tell you one position that is easiest (in my opinion), is doggy style. She gets on her hands and knees and just relaxes her vagina, and you get on your knees and SLOWLY insert yourself. Go back and forth in and out a little in each time if you must work your way in their (I know my fiance can't just jam it in there, it needs to be gradually worked in). And then let her move back and forth stroking your penis so then she can control exactly what is comfortable for her. Does this make sense?

Yeah, we have tried this postion - albiet once - no luck at that time either. The problem I have is, as you've said its a gradual process (penetration), but for some reason i set myself up for a mental block whenever I have difficulty getting it in or even finding her vagina at times that I end up losing my erection - so if its not the case of feeling like i have to penetrate a brick wall its a case of me losing my erection in the frustration of not being able to penetrate. its a horrible feeling i tell you.

Lube generally lasts quite some time. I wouldn't suggest putting it on until you're ready to have sex as it can be messy otherwise.

When I line up my fiances penis with my vagina it is in the missionary position, and even some others. It prevents both of us from fumbling and also from getting hurt (If he ramed his penis to the side of my vagina it would hurt us both..its happened lol).

Think of it this way. You both care about each other right? Then why the big hurry? You will work it out with time and you have the rest of eternity to get it figured out. Relax... it will happen. Don't stress yourself out too much that you'll hurt her. Ask her to say something if it hurts and you can either slow down, or stop and try again next time. Are you sure you're both 100% comfortable with each other?

How old are both of you?

Originally Posted by lizzardb63

Lube generally lasts quite some time. I wouldn't suggest putting it on until you're ready to have sex as it can be messy otherwise.

When I line up my fiances penis with my vagina it is in the missionary position, and even some others. It prevents both of us from fumbling and also from getting hurt (If he ramed his penis to the side of my vagina it would hurt us both..its happened lol).

Think of it this way. You both care about each other right? Then why the big hurry? You will work it out with time and you have the rest of eternity to get it figured out. Relax... it will happen. Don't stress yourself out too much that you'll hurt her. Ask her to say something if it hurts and you can either slow down, or stop and try again next time. Are you sure you're both 100% comfortable with each other?

How old are both of you?

you're right lizard, there is no big rush - but at the same time it just gets a bit frustrating - i think more so for her. in any case we are both in our mid 20's waited till we were married to have sex - heh - didnt turn out the way we thought. but im sure we are comfortable with each other - i think the way we feel about each other, we never have done so before.
thanks for your help i appreciate it.