Thread: Don't know if I ever had an orgasm....

Ladies

maybe you guys can help. I can't remember if I ever have an orgasm with a man. I can give myself an orgasm in minutes. But, when I am actually having intercourse, it's not happening. I am 24 yrs. and I've had my share of relationships, I told my boyfriend that, and one day he said he will make me have one, and he did but it was not intercourse. He ate me out till I actually came...and it was abso...amazing.
I ask some of my more experience guys friends, and they say that it's all in my mind. my boyfriend said it's about LOVE, I do love my boyfriend very much.
I just wish I could have an orgasm with with...I get so tired of trying to have one when I am with him. Believe me the sex is amazing, he is fully loaded and know what to do. They say I have to focus and sorely think bout that....
Sometimes, when I am have sex. I keep thinking of so many other ****, that I can't focus on having an orgasm. there always something in my mind. and believe me I love my boyfriend a lot. So, I know it's not because I don't love him. when I am with him, I think of nothing else. but, when are actually in that moment...it's not happening.
one of my friends said, it's because I have stop expecting it. I have stop expecting an orgasm. I got to the point I didn't get care wether i get an orgasm or not.
What do u think it could be?

Are you talking about an orgasm during intercourse?

Not a lot of women can have those. It's a sad fact. I'm sure he's doing everything right, but if he wants he can always find alternate way of pleasing you. ^_^

I just thought it was me..., why is that in television they always make seem so easy to have one, but in reality its really not.

And why is that?

I just don't want my bf to think it's because I don't love or anything.

...Well, TV doesn't protrait reality much. -sweatdrop-

I have no idea what to tell you. T_T Some women just can't do it and you might be one of them. But like I said before there are other ways of having an orgasm. Just like him know that he's no less of a man if he can't please you a certain way. ^_^

I heard that only 30% of women could get an orgasm. After many-a-time with my boyfriend, I experienced two. The first time I even told him I don't think I will have an org. and then by chance I did... it didn't feel like much but it was there. The second I was on top (he wasn't laying down... we were facing each other. Maybe you could try this? It's probably almost like masturbation... because you're controlling the sex, and doing what you know will lead to it. Personally, I prefer him in control... it feels nicer. Orgasms aren't that great to me, I just like the 'before' part XD but maybe mine just aren't that strong... could try orgasm control...(building up tension, which is supposed to make the feeling more intense... read it up on wikipedia))

Hi Tamoun.

Although I cannot speak firsthand, I wanted to share some experience on this from a male side.

My wife does have orgasms during intercourse, but she requires clitoral stimulation along with it. Either via a finger, vibrator, or a position where my pubic bone presses on it.

My girlfriend from a while back however could not orgasm with anything inside her. I could get her to orgasm through oral or clitoral stimulation. It took a long time, about an hour. But if I inserted a finger or a penis and continued to stimulate her clit ... nothing. Even if I put a finger in just before climax, it would still stop her. Because we both understood this, we made sure to get her to orgasm before having intercourse. In fact, what we routinely did was she gave me oral until I came, then I gave her oral, and by the time she was done I had recharged for intercourse. The "limitation" actually made for a great excuse for spending time to really pleasure each other.

Given those experiences, I do not think it is anything in a woman's mind whether they orgasm during intercourse or not. Seems that some simply require clitoral stimulation even during intercourse to reach orgasm (have you tried that?) and others are just built to not orgasm with any penetration.

My opinion for the key to good sex is to not pay attention to TV or trying to climax at the same time. As a couple you have to figure out what works to please both of you. If that means giving you oral or manual stimulation first to get you to orgasm before intercourse, then get into that routine. Your boyfriend won't think you love him less because you can't orgasm with intercourse.

Originally Posted by tamoun

Ladies

maybe you guys can help. I can't remember if I ever have an orgasm with a man. I can give myself an orgasm in minutes. But, when I am actually having intercourse, it's not happening. I am 24 yrs. and I've had my share of relationships, I told my boyfriend that, and one day he said he will make me have one, and he did but it was not intercourse. He ate me out till I actually came...and it was abso...amazing.
I ask some of my more experience guys friends, and they say that it's all in my mind. my boyfriend said it's about LOVE, I do love my boyfriend very much.
I just wish I could have an orgasm with with...I get so tired of trying to have one when I am with him. Believe me the sex is amazing, he is fully loaded and know what to do. They say I have to focus and sorely think bout that....
Sometimes, when I am have sex. I keep thinking of so many other ****, that I can't focus on having an orgasm. there always something in my mind. and believe me I love my boyfriend a lot. So, I know it's not because I don't love him. when I am with him, I think of nothing else. but, when are actually in that moment...it's not happening.
one of my friends said, it's because I have stop expecting it. I have stop expecting an orgasm. I got to the point I didn't get care wether i get an orgasm or not.
What do u think it could be?

I believe your friend is right. Stop placing so much expectations on having an orgasm through intercourse. Just enjoy the experience of being loved. Before you know it, it will happen. Do not worry. If you keep worriying, your fears will take away the beauty of the sexual experience and it will leave you frustrated.

I told him about all of that, he does not mind it at all. And yes Clit stimulation does help a lot. It just that I was a bit embarass at first, but now he tries harder to please me. Although, it does not work most of the time. Sometimes, after sex while he's in the bathroom or somthing, I actually give myself an orgasm. or even before we start. He don't really like to think of me masterbating, he thinks it's because he's not doing his job...
But, latelly I have been trying more, I feel like I am getting pretty close.
regardless, I still enjoy being with him very much.
He is such a great lover....no complaints at all.

I had the exact same problem until I tried a new position. I don't know what it's called, but we called it the Southern Cross.
Put a pillow under your hips and lay on your back at a perpendicular angle to his body. He should be on his side facing you.
Put one of your legs between his, and the other over his hip. This will allow your genitals to allign. You should look like a plus sign. During sex in this position, you'll get lots of clitoral stimulation. I found it's fool proof for me now, after years of only external orgasms.

Iwill Def try it...