Why orgasm is a problem for women?

**suntan** · 12-25-2011 03:27 AM

I have a question. Why do women have problems with orgasms and as I myself have this experience with my girl friend. When we have sex my penis becomes very stiff and when I penetrate inside her vagina I ejaculate and it has been almost a couple of weeks we have sex regularly and sometimes 3 times a day. I always feel orgasmic and yet in my girl could never get it at the same time. All I do is insert my finger inside her after the sex and then she becomes greatly aroused. In fact she feels much better if I insert my tongue but the vagina flooded with the sperm is something I find nauseating to keep my tongue in.
I want we were orgasmic at the same moment but it never happened. I never can prolong the act of sex. I sometimes start with fondling her breasts and it indeed arouses her but the action is quick on me and I hurriedly insert my penis and cannot defer it since the penis becomes so firm that I cannot put off the act for a second.

Since there are experienced women and some are even therapists I suppose I am sure I will be satisfied reading your answers.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-25-2011 09:37 AM

You could, put her orgasm first sometimes... the touches, tongue, fingers, etc... BEFORE you have sex...then you wouldn't have the problem with encountering sperm when you go down on her. Also you could do all of that until she is very aroused... THEN have sex... that is 'foreplay'... that is what will help her get to orgasm much easier during sex with you. Its not difficult for most women to orgasm, it is difficult however, for a lot of women to express the kind of sensations they need to feel to get there. Women tend to have more of a crock-pot (simmer simmer then wow) type orgasm, you have to build up to it. Sounds like you know how to make her feel good... just start incorperating that BEFORE the main event... and you will probably yeild better results.

**jns** · 12-25-2011 12:01 PM

suntan, you can put off intercourse. It is a matter of self control. If you end up ejaculating with little or no physical stimulation, it is not the end of the world. Give it a little time and continue giving pleasure to your gf and you will become good to go again.

The clitoris in above the vagina. It is what should be stimulated by hand or tongue to get a girl to reach orgasm in most cases. If your gf is laying on her back, there is usually little semen there even if you have ejaculated in her already. Of course, if you dip your tongue down to the vagina, then you will taste your semen if you have ejaculated. If you find your semen objectionable in flavor, understand that your gf may also. Change the flavor by eating other things (fruits) or not smoking is a possibility.

Fingering after sex has the advantage of the semen causing additional lubrication for the vagina.

**Ratty** · 12-25-2011 05:35 PM

It sounds like you haven't been having sex together very long - so don't worry too much about her seeming inability to orgasm, you're still learning how each other's bodies respond to each other's touch. Making sure she has her orgasm first is not only the gentlemanly thing to do but it also has a practical purpose. Allow me to explain...
With my current partner, our lovemaking sessions usually follow a set pattern - we begin with kissing, followed by mutual undressing of each other. Then I turn my attention to her, and her alone - slowly, via fingering her and giving her oral stimulation I can gradually bring her to orgasm without too much difficulty. It only requires a little patience on my part. Only once I am satisfied that she has had at least one decent orgasm do I allow myself to penetrate her. When we actually make love if she has another orgasm then that is a bonus but knowing she has had at least one orgasm already really takes the pressure to perform off of me somewhat and I can enjoy making love to her free from not having to worry about bringing her to orgasm. This actually makes sex better for both of us - if she ends up having another orgasm as a result of making love she will often return the favour by giving me a handjob or some oral later on. We have a policy of sexual equality, for every orgasm she has, she makes sure she gives me one in return, and vice versa, that way neither of us is having more or less fun than the other. Some might say it is a bit weird but hey, it works for us and we've been together over 8 years now.
So Suntan, I'm sure in time you and your girlfriend will find a way to express your love for each other and find a way that works for both of you. Sure, there may be compromises and sacrifices that you will have to make for each other but making these compromises is a part of what makes a succesful relationship. It may take some trial and error but that's all part of the sexual journey of discovery, as long as both of you acheive the enjoyment from each other that you deserve and that neither partner misses out in any way then I'm sure you'll get over your initial problems and enjoy a long and succesful relationship together.

**suntan** · 12-26-2011 03:39 AM

Now I am accustoming myself to some of the odd things and one of the repulsive things I had to get used to is dip my tongue deep down in that stuff and now I taste something peculiar and do not have to spit repeatedly and some sensation inside me is enabling myself to stand the smell and now I like the aroma of the vaginal stuff and I feel like biting it, the fleshy substance inside her. She feels this somewhat painful when I sink my teeth into her meaty part dipping my mouth but she feels a kind of delightful pain

**BabyGirl** · 12-26-2011 07:35 PM

Wow, Suntan you are sure learning or at least Experimenting very fast for a Man who was a " Monk In Waiting " just a couple of weeks ago.

So I take it have have given up the Monk hood ? How do you feel about that ? Do your Elders know and Understand and wish you the Best ? I sure hope so. Especially since you are having Sex 2-3 times a day .

Welcome to the Sexual World. Now as most " First timers" it will take awhile to learn Patience and Pleasure for both of you . Remember that you are no longer just Masturbating to Posts from here or Porn or Fantasy's.

You now have a Woman, that you claim to Love, that is depending on you to love her Mind Body & Spirit. I hope you will, honor her and build a Real Relationship with her. And not just use her for Sex or your Gaining Sexual Experience. After all you have given up your Monk hood for the pleasure of a Woman's Body and Her Devotion & Love.

I wish you well and that you learn to take your time. Hopefully you and she will find a nice place to Share your Love and not have to sneak and hide around in a Monastery, for quick or fast secret sex. It's better on you relationship to have a Safe place to make Love.

Also less Sacrilegious if not caught going against the Vows you once honored.

**jns** · 12-26-2011 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by suntan

Now I am accustoming myself to some of the odd things and one of the repulsive things I had to get used to is dip my tongue deep down in that stuff and now I taste something peculiar and do not have to spit repeatedly and some sensation inside me is enabling myself to stand the smell and now I like the aroma of the vaginal stuff and I feel like biting it, the fleshy substance inside her. She feels this somewhat painful when I sink my teeth into her meaty part dipping my mouth but she feels a kind of delightful pain

If you use biting as part of your foreplay, be very certain how much you bite. You don't want to leave scars. Always be in control.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-26-2011 08:54 PM

Ack, other than massochists ... I don't know of many women (or men for that matter) that genuinly enjoy having their genitals BITTEN. I've heard some say teeth grazing lightly is a slight pain vs pleasure moment that some more experienced, adventerous or those seeking a bit of spice enjoy occasionaly. But if you are having a difficult time pleasing her... you might want to stick to giving her only pleasurable experiences (unless she asks you otherwise) as she might be saying its okay just to please you. Is she sexually shy? If so you really might want to work on what feels good to her first, then try the extra stuff later as things develop. The whole crawl before you walk thing.

**suntan** · 12-26-2011 11:26 PM

Originally Posted by BabyGirl

Wow, Suntan you are sure learning or at least Experimenting very fast for a Man who was a " Monk In Waiting " just a couple of weeks ago.

So I take it have have given up the Monk hood ? How do you feel about that ? Do your Elders know and Understand and wish you the Best ? I sure hope so. Especially since you are having Sex 2-3 times a day .

Welcome to the Sexual World. Now as most " First timers" it will take awhile to learn Patience and Pleasure for both of you . Remember that you are no longer just Masturbating to Posts from here or Porn or Fantasy's.

You now have a Woman, that you claim to Love, that is depending on you to love her Mind Body & Spirit. I hope you will, honor her and build a Real Relationship with her. And not just use her for Sex or your Gaining Sexual Experience. After all you have given up your Monk hood for the pleasure of a Woman's Body and Her Devotion & Love.

I wish you well and that you learn to take your time. Hopefully you and she will find a nice place to Share your Love and not have to sneak and hide around in a Monastery, for quick or fast secret sex. It's better on you relationship to have a Safe place to make Love.

Also less Sacrilegious if not caught going against the Vows you once honored.

You have always been a well wisher and your words are full of wisdom and soothing and in fact I take your advice very positively. Now I enjoy the sex life and in fact I realized that a little bit experience will be really helpful and now both of us enjoy making love. One of the skills I have learned here is to try different choices that can make both orgasmic together. I often get her on top and she bumps up and down on me with my penis inside her and this has proved better at times and sometimes I get her on all her fours and do it in a doggy way and it has been a fun too. Now we are satisfied and love each other deeply. But to bring this relation to marry poses great challenges since the vocation I am in does not permit this and it is not so easy to quit the monastic life and our society is very conservative. We are waiting for some good moments; maybe if nothing works we may have to flee somewhere from this conservative society and we have talked about this possibility also.

**suntan** · 12-26-2011 11:33 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Ack, other than massochists ... I don't know of many women (or men for that matter) that genuinly enjoy having their genitals BITTEN. I've heard some say teeth grazing lightly is a slight pain vs pleasure moment that some more experienced, adventerous or those seeking a bit of spice enjoy occasionaly. But if you are having a difficult time pleasing her... you might want to stick to giving her only pleasurable experiences (unless she asks you otherwise) as she might be saying its okay just to please you. Is she sexually shy? If so you really might want to work on what feels good to her first, then try the extra stuff later as things develop. The whole crawl before you walk thing.

I bit mildly and I never hurt her and she enjoys it as she said. In our culture biting is a kind of compassionate expression. Sometimes we bit the cheeks of people expressing compassion and intimacy and not necessarily sexual feelings. She was sexually shy at first and he r face reddened when I for the first time touched and fumbled her breasts and planted kisses on her lips and now she is comfortable. I liked the moment when she was shy with her red face and yet enjoying the moment. Both of us have been virgins and naïve and whereas I have the access to the internet and can talk to all of you on this forum she has no such access though she is not having a monastic life. I just talk to her and share the ideas I have learned from all of you women and she enjoys listening to my experiences