I need some advice, please?

**songstress7** · 12-25-2011 08:43 PM

Ok, so here's the deal. My boyfriend is the first and only man I have ever had sex with. So I'm still trying to learn what to do, what he likes, and what I like. Problem is lately he seems to not want sex as much as he did at first. And it when we do it never is as satisfying to me. I know he orgasms, but I have not. He told me today that it sometimes just takes him a while to get worked up into the mood. That he likes to be teased and denied some, and that he loves me on top. My problem is, I have no idea what I should be doing to tease, and he's not giving me very good hints either. And also, I really don't like to be on top. I feel self-conscious plus I really don't feel much in that position. I've tried leaning forward, backward, sitting farther back. I just don't feel it. I've told him before that I don't really like it. We used to experiment a little more, different leg positions in missionary, sideways, rear-entry. I liked them so much more. I also feel like he's not taking any time for me. It's basically once he's ready, hop on. He is fairly tired some days after long grave shifts at work, and I understand that, but I'm just tired of fulfilling his needs and just having to remain frustrated constantly myself. I don't know how to go about helping his desires and also bringing up the subject of mine. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

**jns** · 12-25-2011 10:21 PM

He needs to start communicating and he needs to look after giving you orgasms before he gets his. He sounds self-centered and selfish. He may be tired, but he has to give as well as get.

**songstress7** · 12-26-2011 02:16 PM

He was so much better this morning and this afternoon. He had finally gotten some rest after a 14 hour grave shift. I also had looked up some articles on cosmos and marieclaire plus some other forums about how to tease. I tried some of it this afternoon and he woke up fired up and ready to go.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-26-2011 02:35 PM

As for the teasing... its something you can do subtly or overtly, as a prelude to sex or just to put sex on his mind with no intent to deliver the goods.

Dressing in sexy ways for no reason at all -- this doesnt have to be going out club sexy, it can be tomboy sexy, or classy sexy... etc. Mix and Match for best results

Frequent touches with no intent to arouse... rubbing his thigh while driving, in a restaurant, on the couch watching a movie.

Sitting on his lap randomly, facing him or away... just to snuggle

Bending over in front of him, asking for a back rub....

Just random little things to make him think of sex without even really trying.

Then there is also more overt ways... like texting him that you are excited, or texting about something sexual he did to you that you want to feel again. More intense intimate touches and kisses for no reason at all....

But all of those things still stop short of lapdances or strip teases or licking him awake from a nap... (which are all awesome prelude to intimacy teases) but as far as keeping your relationship sexually charged you can use subtle ways to keep it burning, keep it flirty, keep it new.

The best way to get pleasure from your sexual partner is to SHOW them what pleases you. If you know how to make yourself orgasm... showing him what you do to get there or incorpating what you do into your sex is the best way to start getting more of the focus on you and your needs.