Wife's lack of intimacy

**jns** · 01-12-2012 02:53 PM

The art of marriage and lasting relationships is compromise. When one of the people in such an agreement decides that there will be no compromise, "it's my way or the highway", there is a problem. In this case it is about a reasonable amount of physical intimacy, which the guy believes is central to the marriage agreement and which we can surmise that the wife does not think so or she has a different definition of reasonable. Many cases have the roles reversed. A person who is willing to compromise would look at avenues for the other to feel fulfilled if they themselves were no longer up to the job even in a minimal condition. Or they would let the other go enough, with restrictions, and turn a blind eye to what is going on.

M&F, she seems unwilling to help you out. Is she willing to give you some space?

**MARRIED AND FRUSTRATED** · 01-12-2012 05:39 PM

what kind of space are you talking about jns??? if its looking for another avenue for what im missing with her i could never do that shes my wife my love and best friend!

**jns** · 01-12-2012 06:35 PM

Then it seems that there is a stalemate. Be happy for what you got. It could be worse.

**Claret** · 01-12-2012 06:49 PM

I'm going to suggest that you and she, sit down, have a heart felt conversation. Lay out your needs, wants, expectations and ask her what she feels she needs, wants and expects with particular regard to your intimate life. Once you know where she is coming from, then you may be able to adjust your mind set and/or come to a compromise with her. You and she may not be so far apart on this issue, but you may just be the victim of a timing issue. When you've had that talk, let us know what she has said. We've provided all kinds of good answers, possibilities and suggestions here that you feel do not really address or fix the problem and really, that is not our job is it?
If you don't get the proper answers or a compromise is not to be, ask yourself what are your next logical steps. Do you continue on as you are, or do you actively do something else. Can you live with the way things are now?

**MARRIED AND FRUSTRATED** · 01-15-2012 06:46 PM

Thanks you for all the words of advice! I havent the foggiest what the heck I'm going to do but I will keep you guys posted!!!

**rcoreyus** · 01-17-2012 07:45 AM

Wish I had something helpful to say, but I don't. I had this sort of issue with my wife for .... 25 years!. Recently it changed and we now have an excellent sex life, but I couldn't tell you why. So it may be must a temporary thing with her - but it could be a LONG temporary.

Personally I think sex is a vital part of a loving relationship, and it is unfair to constantly deny your partner sex while not allowing them to find it outside of the relationship.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 01-17-2012 12:50 PM

Absolutely right rcoreyus. Remember everybody that when we first see that woman/man across the dancefloor,or whatever, we don't think "mm, would be nice to spend 15 years with that gorgeous person without having sex" When two people are in a relationship, they owe each other regular sex, otherwise either one is breaking the rules (unless they have pre-agreed a celibate life together) Too many people are complacent about this, even my g/f was! It took me several attempts before she understood that the whole point was that I wanted sex with her, not anyone else!, even if it was just a h/j. We always blame the person that strays for sex, but often the more blame is on the complacent person who simply ignored the others' sexual needs.

**Unshaw** · 01-26-2012 12:16 PM

I know what you are going through lack of sex, shift work, wife working, you putting in extra to make the relationship work to keep her happy. I get the feeling that your wife like mine is lazy towards the relationship. They feel comfortable with how things are going and don't think they need to anything in to the relationship as things are going well. I can't give you an answer to fix it, if come up with something i will let you know. At least i know now that someone else is going through the same as what i am. I don't feel alone anymore.