Bit of a Dilemma....Sigh

**Goodgirl93** · 01-14-2012 11:16 PM

So i've been with this guy off and on since October of last year.We were friends for almost a year prior to dating.He makes me SUPER happy,and he's everything I could ever ask for in a guy. But I have a bit of a problem.....As most of you know,I am a virgin (Yes still) and this is the first guy i've actually gotten this close with. We fool around,but have never gone all the way. He always tells me he "Tests" me by going a little further each time to see if i'm getting comfortable enough to possibly have sex.He has waited patiently over 4 months,and yet,I'm still not ready. He told me he won't even consider sex til he knows I'm completely ready,but i just don't know how to get to that point,even though i've been dying to for months

First problem,I get nervous,VERY nervous when he tries putting his hand down the front of my pants,Yet I never get nervous if he puts his hand down the back of my pants and grips me from the "back"

Secondly,I'm extremely self conscious about my body. Even if he tells me he likes my body,or if he whispers stuff into my ears while we are fooling around.The sweetest and cutest things still don't get me comfortable enough

Third problem,He has been having sex since he was 13,and not being snotty,but he is honestly a VERY sexy guy,and has had many partners,and whenever I'm satisfying him,Theres always that thought in the back of my head if hes thinking of someone else or if someone else does it better.

Fourth problem,I love performing oral on him,but every time he gets in that "mood" he asks why he can't play with me,and frankly i'm running out of excuses,when really i'm just scared and worried that my body isn't good enough.

I'm SO sexually frustrated cause I want it so bad,but i'm too scared. Like last week,He kept telling me I wasn't ready,and I was frustrated and told him I was. So later in the night he tricked me to prove me wrong.We were laying on the couch kissing,and he said "Lets go to your room" and pulled me up.I honestly thought I was ready but once he got most of his clothes off and some of mine and pulled out a condom I told him to stop,and he told me "See I told you,your not ready",but he wasnt mad,he kissed me and put his pants back on. Hes so supportive and patient,and EXTREMELY faithful,he deserves a partner who can satisfy him in more ways than just oral sex

Someone please give me advice,I don't wanna lose him,and I know if i cant get over this fear soon,I'm going to have to let him go.

**jns** · 01-15-2012 06:16 AM

He sounds like a great guy who can keep his emotions well in check. You sound great too, not teasing, just scared. It would be nice if you gave some more background such as age, years dating, on birth control or not, etc. as I don't remember such specifics from your past posts and there are no clues in your profile. Ultimately, if you want to ease into having sex without being intoxicated is that you may have to just decide to do it. "Darn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" (sorry Admiral David Farragut) type of thinking. Just say no to saying no.

**Goodgirl93** · 01-15-2012 09:30 AM

Well lets see,I am 18,he is 18,will be 19 next month. We originally started going out early October of last year,But I ended it for personal reasons(Family drama).We started dating again though when he asked me back out on Christmas Day.I've been on the birth control pill since I was 14 because I have PCOS.

Only sexual things we have done so far (Sorry if i sound too explicit), Kissed,Made out,I'de give him oral alot,He always has his hand up my shirt massaging my breasts,butt grabbing,and little things.

I ALWAYS get aroused when we fool around,It honestly does not take much cause he just "excites" me. haha

I have honestly thought that if i got drunk,I would be more willing,but at the same time,I want to remember my first time,Not be wasted during it :/

**jns** · 01-15-2012 09:48 AM

You are at an age that your body is full of hormones. I think if you continue on the same path you will eventually be so excited one time that you will just go through with it. Get some store bought lubricant for that day in case your wetness is not enough. Have a great memory for your first time. Allow him to give you oral if he wants to. Guide him about what feels good. A little drinking, if it is legal, could take the edge off, but don't get drunk.

**sp346** · 01-15-2012 11:26 AM

Think about it, he seems to be the type of guy that will stop if you ask him to. That should give you confidence to move forward, knowing that you can always stop. Take things slowly. Start by letting him finger you. After a few days of that and when you feel comfortable with it, let him give you oral. Masturbate each other. It doesn't have to be a race to do things all at once. Try all the different non-intercourse sex first

The other thing is you have to get more comfortable with your body. I have said this before. When a man is aroused, he will think of you as the most beautiful woman ever. Just that fact that he is with you says he finds you attractive. Forget about body imperfection during that moment and just try to enjoy the physicial feeling of the body. If you have to, you can have sex in the dark.

Don't worry about previous lovers. Everybody has a past. He may or may not think about them. Just like you may or may not think about Brad Pitt when your boyfriend gets naked. You can always ask him what he likes and to give you directions. Even after years of being sexually experienced, most of us still do that with our partners. that's how you learn to please your partner. There is also a certain pleasure one gets from giving pleasure. So your partner will be excited when he sees you enjoying things too.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-15-2012 01:01 PM

Gigi

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !! x

So, Christmas Day, to now is like, 3-4 weeks, 1 month since you've been back together. You both find each other sexually attractive, or else he wouldn't want to touch you, or hang about.. So, first off get that out of your head.

It might suprise you but just because he's "scored" since 13 with willing participants does not mean that he wouldn't prefer a more committed relationship at 19, a woman of "his own"

I am thinking, perhaps it's shyness on your side and why? Because 3-4 weeks really isn't very long to feel totally comfortable, it's hormones time and lust time

I think you both have to say to each other, let's stop talking about it, it's driving me nuts for one thing and probably you as well, when it happens it happens...But, open up as well and allow the pair of you to explore, alot of women are comfortable with touching a man in any fashion and then get shy when in reverse, it's not un-common at all but you have to bite the bullet somewhere...and just feel "free" and comfortable with the person you are with...

You're a grown woman now, not 16 :P You can make your own decisions there, maybe another 4 weeks will help you get through things totally, just that bit more time... I am sure if he loves you, he'll wait that little bit longer as well, well he will. If you get any inkling that he wouldn't and you fear he'll move on, then ask yourself if that is really the person you want to loose your virginity to.... A man waits when in love...

If you don't care who to and you are lusting badly, then tell him to hold you, only hold you for ages first and ask him to guide you...

Make the decision what ever that decision is for you sweet.

**Goodgirl93** · 01-15-2012 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by jns

Allow him to give you oral if he wants to.

He ALWAYS asks to give me oral,because I give it to him,but I get so shy. He asked me again today if he could,and i chickened out. We did have a very interesting conversation today....and I used ur advice from earlier.He told me while we were at this secluded park,no one near,that he couldn't stop thinking about possibly having sex right there.I got home,We talked a bit more,and he told me he would have made a move such as rubbing or undressing me but didnt want me to get upset with him.I told him after talking about it to people,I've realized i kinda have to just face my fear and go through with it. He got EXTREMELY excited when I said that. lol Needless to say,We are going to try to take it to that next level this Tuesday. He said he will be as gentle as he can,and if i need to stop at any point he will. He said he'd make my first time unforgettable and really pleasurable

So i'm VERY scared but SO SO excited....

Originally Posted by sp346

The other thing is you have to get more comfortable with your body. I have said this before. When a man is aroused, he will think of you as the most beautiful woman ever. Just that fact that he is with you says he finds you attractive. Forget about body imperfection during that moment and just try to enjoy the physicial feeling of the body. If you have to, you can have sex in the dark.

Don't worry about previous lovers. Everybody has a past. He may or may not think about them. Just like you may or may not think about Brad Pitt when your boyfriend gets naked. You can always ask him what he likes and to give you directions. Even after years of being sexually experienced, most of us still do that with our partners. that's how you learn to please your partner. There is also a certain pleasure one gets from giving pleasure. So your partner will be excited when he sees you enjoying things too.

That honestly made me feel TONS better,The part about me being beautiful when hes aroused

I can't really tell that though,because when I do have him aroused and giving him oral,He's always pulling my hair and gripping me from behind or my chest. LMAO.

But when he is in the mood,He always tells me how bad he wants to make me feel how I make him feel when i do oral....yet I always chicken out and my body becomes an issue cause my insecurities. I know he'd ask me what I want done to me,cause he already has been asking me all night so he can "be prepared" on Tuesday. haha :P

**Goodgirl93** · 01-15-2012 09:42 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Gigi

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !! x

So, Christmas Day, to now is like, 3-4 weeks, 1 month since you've been back together. You both find each other sexually attractive, or else he wouldn't want to touch you, or hang about.. So, first off get that out of your head.

It might suprise you but just because he's "scored" since 13 with willing participants does not mean that he wouldn't prefer a more committed relationship at 19, a woman of "his own"

I am thinking, perhaps it's shyness on your side and why? Because 3-4 weeks really isn't very long to feel totally comfortable, it's hormones time and lust time

I think you both have to say to each other, let's stop talking about it, it's driving me nuts for one thing and probably you as well, when it happens it happens...But, open up as well and allow the pair of you to explore, alot of women are comfortable with touching a man in any fashion and then get shy when in reverse, it's not un-common at all but you have to bite the bullet somewhere...and just feel "free" and comfortable with the person you are with...

You're a grown woman now, not 16 :P You can make your own decisions there, maybe another 4 weeks will help you get through things totally, just that bit more time... I am sure if he loves you, he'll wait that little bit longer as well, well he will. If you get any inkling that he wouldn't and you fear he'll move on, then ask yourself if that is really the person you want to loose your virginity to.... A man waits when in love...

If you don't care who to and you are lusting badly, then tell him to hold you, only hold you for ages first and ask him to guide you...

Make the decision what ever that decision is for you sweet.

MUM!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gosh I've missed u. Was I really 16 when I joined WH? I think I was :O Happy Holidays to you too sweetness,Hope they were great for you. <3 <3 xxxxx

But to be honest though,I've always been compfortable with him. I've never met such a sweet and gentle yet sexy guy. He always kisses me and tells me he loves me,and I know he'd wait years if he had to...I have thought about if I want to lose it to him,And he asked me that tonight,I just can't imagine losing it to anyone else. I'm so attracted to him sexually physically and mentally,we just click and thats a good thing. But when he tells me not to worry about my body and that hes more of a personality guy,I still worry. People say once u have sex u realize its not about the body image,its about the intimacy,and I want to beleive that...SO SO SO bad,cause physically i've been ready to lose my virginity since last year,(lmao),but mentally,I just am not ready. Tuesday I'm just gunna go with the flow,if it happens it happens,but he says he has a few surprises for me to lighten the mood and get me more compfortable