No desire for sex

**fromnebraska** · 01-28-2012 08:21 PM

I love my husband dearly, but I have no desire for sex. My poor husband, however, would like us to have sex a lot more often. We've been married for a year. I'm 24 and he's 28. When we first started dating, I wanted sex all the time, but more than a year ago (around the time of planning the wedding) my libido started decreasing. Around that time we'd have sex a couple times a week. Now I could go for months without sex. I'm too tired when he wants it and when he doesn't try to start it, it just doesn't occur to me that I could have sex.

My husband was the first man to give me an orgasm (it takes me a while to get turned on and all of my other partners never had the patience to give me one). I've never had an orgasm through intercourse, only masturbation or from oral sex/manual stimulation from my husband. Sometimes when my husband is giving me oral sex, I can't orgasm, not matter how much he tries. Mainly I start to feel bad that it is taking so long and I can tell he's uncomfortable.

I've spoken to my gyno about this, but she didn't have any advice for me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice?

**fromnebraska** · 01-28-2012 08:38 PM

Also, I'm not taking any hormonal birth control--we use condoms. I find my husband very attractive and I'm not self-conscious of myself when we're intimate.

**rcoreyus** · 01-28-2012 11:08 PM

Are you aroused by anything - movies, books, fantasies of other people? Do you masturbate? One important question is whether you are not interested in sex, or not interested in sex with him.

We always get just part of a story here so its easy to form a completely incorrect picture. It sounds like he is willing to make an effort to please you in bed. Does he treat you well in general?

This is really important to fix. I was in an almost sexless marriage for 25 years - and was miserable for most of it. Its gotten better, but that was a large part of my life spent unhappy. A bad sex life casts a shadow over the entire relationship.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-29-2012 01:29 PM

Tell us about your life outside of your husband. You state that you are "always tired".. This can be alot of things combined, such as no exercise, wrong foods, not enough water, too much work load at home and at work, stress...

Once you stop having sex for some time, it doesn't occur to you, as it's not a habit. Also, you don't feel the need as much because you are used to not having it. The trick is to start it again, after a few times it will all come back to you but you need to establish why you went down that road first, of not having it and it may have something to do with the above first sentence/Paragraph.

**sp346** · 02-01-2012 12:25 PM

Do you still enjoy sex once its initiated? According to Rosemary Basson, she talked about the female sexual response cycle and states that women are motivated for sex for emotional purposes. Meaning, you engage in sex, not always because you physicially desire it, but because you seek the emotional closeness of having sexual relations with your partner. This understanding often helps many women realize that what they are feeling is not abnormal and engaging in sex knowing its to further emotional bonds can make the physical act of sex enjoyable.

Don't get me know, I'm not saying this is how it is for all women, but understanding this takes off the pressure of thinking that something is broken.

Have you tried a romantic evening out, doing some of the stuff you did when you first dated? A glass of wine in front of the fireplace.