husband does not like to give oral sex

**strawberrytattoo** · 01-30-2012 06:40 AM

My husband (of 16 years) does not like to give me oral sex. He claims that it is because I do not enjoy it. He only uses the very tiny tip of his tongue on the very front of my clit. He will not lick, or kiss anything else. He always says that he is so glad that we are open about everything, and wants me to tell him what I would like to try. But, after years of us doing what he wanted to try, I finally told him that I would like him to use more tongue on my whole vaginal area inside and out. I even told him (honestly) that I wanted improve on my BJ's was interested in learning more ways to please him. He told me that he had never heard of a man actually licking and tasting a woman's vagina with his whole tongue. He said that it was different than me giving him a BJ ,since it a vagina has fluid and was a "hole." I was really shocked. He told me to buy a book to prove that other men actually do that and he would have to think about it. When I brought it up a few days later he said, "well, fine, let's just stop having sex, then!" We normally have it 4 times a week because he likes the regularity. The thing is, I am reasonably happy with our sex. But, I have always been flexble to fit HIS desire for frequency, times of day, etc. I am healthy, fit, and have no offensive odors or vaginal issues. So, now I am really feeling resentful and hurt. I know he would try it if I made him, but that would make me feel even worse. Any advice?

**jns** · 01-30-2012 07:41 AM

Although there is a concentration of nerve endings in the clitoral glans, there are nerve endings elsewhere that can cause excitement for a woman. I go where her words and body language tell me to go including in the vagina and the area surrounding the urethra. The vagina is a hole and does have fluids, but so is the mouth. Does he like kissing with a lot of tongue? If not, I would say he probably has a thing about body fluids. In that case, does he like to clean a lot or excessively? Does he have obsessive / compulsive behavior? In normal circumstances, I cannot think of any guy who would so readily give up sex with their wife over such a thing.

**penguy** · 01-30-2012 11:56 AM

I know that some anonymous poster on an internet discussion group is not exactly proof, but yes, many men out there use their tongue and lips to work on the entire area, inside and out. I'm one of them, and quite frankly I love it, fluids, "hole" and all.

It sounds to me like he is having trouble getting over an "ick" response. It also sounds to me like his response about "never [having] heard of a man actually licking and tasting a woman's vagina with his whole tongue" is more of a rationalization rather than a reason. Talk to him and find out where his reluctance really stems from.

You might want to point out to him (with some Google'd backup) that a healthy vagina is naturally a very clean (bacteria-wise, particularly) part of the anatomy, significantly cleaner that the human mouth. So long as a woman takes care with her external hygiene, the body does a very efficient job of taking care of the internal aspects on it's own.

**lizzardb63** · 01-30-2012 12:06 PM

I could see some guys not wanting to for the same reasons why some women don't like to let their partners finish in their mouth. It might just be a mind over matter thing. I don't mind giving my partner oral but I hate when he finishes in my mouth. He loves it when he can finish in my mouth. He knows I don't like it, but on occasion I do it, because I know he enjoys it. Do I gag? yes...but it's only every once in a while. I am open with him about this, which makes it easier for him to understand. I agree with penguy...find out exactly what it is that makes him reluctant to at least trying it. If he tries it and just tells you "I don't like doing it much"...then at least you can say he put the effort forth for you. You can't hold that against him.

**scottyboy** · 01-30-2012 12:46 PM

You do not think that after 16 years you are going to change him do you? I personally love performing oral sex on my wife, in my opinion she does not let me do it often enough or long enough. We are all wired differently when it comes to sexual preferences. I would be hard pressed to believe he will all of the sudden embrace performing up to your expectations. Sex is give and take and to me I love being on the giving end, I have been on the taking end , thats because my wife loves being on the giving end too. I guess I am lucky in that respect. I hope that for your sake he becomes a little more conscience of your needs!

**Seeker_Advice** · 01-30-2012 03:21 PM

A book? She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D A very good book for those who desire to get better...

As a Cunnilingus enthusiast or oral sex enthusiast, I could type on this subject for hours... As there are so many 'delicious' parts of the female body that can be explored with the tongue, mouth and lips! Yum!

Perhaps start with one simple suggestion... The next time he 'offers' to go down on you, tell him to think of and treat the area around your clit like a juicy plum or other fruit, where the moment he bites into it, the juice will start running down his chin. Tell him that the key to preventing this is for him to place his mouth and lips over the 'fruit' and form a seal from which a light sucking motion is desired.

Too many men, watch too much porn, or get the idea of what to do from their buddies in the high school locker room. Most, if not all of it, is completely wrong.

The clit is not a 'Tootsie Pop' where men are trying to 'lick off' the hard candy shell in order to get to the center/tootsie roll. It should be viewed and viewed and viewed....Ooops! I got side tracked... It should be viewed like a ripe juicy piece of delicious fruit that should be savored and enjoyed...

Can't wait until my SO gets home!!

Have him read that book!

**jns** · 01-30-2012 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice

The clit is not a 'Tootsie Pop' where men are trying to 'lick off' the hard candy shell in order to get to the center/tootsie roll. It should be viewed and viewed and viewed....Ooops! I got side tracked... It should be viewed like a ripe juicy piece of delicious fruit that should be savored and enjoyed...

Can't wait until my SO gets home!!

Hahahaha.

**strawberrytattoo** · 01-30-2012 11:19 PM

Thank you for the comments and advice. What a great resource.

**Cliffy** · 01-31-2012 10:08 PM

I love "eating out" my wife. I like to explore every detail. A few things do make it easier. First of all keep the area groomed. I don't need for it to be clean shaven, but I do need it manageable. Hair in that area can be really distracting, it can slow you down. No saying this to be silly but get one in your teeth or caught in your throat, its a huge turn off, so make sure your well washed and groomed. If your not opposed to the idea I'd say go so far as to shave it clean. If he is sensitive to the taste (and in my experience women can taste and smell and good bit different), consider some flavored lube. Honestly though, this is a reasonable expectation for you to have in bed. Wish you luck!

**Thomas Hepburn** · 02-01-2012 11:42 AM

This is a difficult one. Any partner that doesn't want to give full oral may have good reasons for it. It should never be demanded or expected from either man or woman. However, if one partner is willing to do it, then so should the other. Vaginas are not the prettiest of things sometimes and some men don't fancy full licking. If you say you are fresh down below we can rule out the hygiene factor. Maybe, like a lot of women even, he was brought up to think genitalia are dirty? It just needs you both to agree what is acceptable and what isn't. But it should always be fair to both parties.