My husband doesn't care for BJs

**sp346** · 02-01-2012 01:41 PM

So my husband says BJs aren't a big deal to him and I can see it in his face - a relaxed/bored look. He says it just feels average and he would rather do other sexual stuff. I have really tried to do different things to improve my technique. Once I tried kneeling infront with the lights on to give him a good view and he seemed embarrased. I asked him to get on top with me lying down and he didn't want to. I have read up a lot of different techniques, but nothing seems to get him into it. He says its not me, that he never really cared for it and never climaxed from it.

Now I feel like I'm on a mission to make him enjoy it. When I was younger, I never really enjoyed giving or receiving oral. I used to make my partners wear a condom because I didn't like the taste. For the first few years of our relationship, I'm sure that side of me was apparent. But now, after being in love with him for so many years, I really want to be able to share a great BJ. I find myself enjoying it more. I read the other post about BJs and have mentally noted some more techniques. Is there any hope for us

or is it just one of those things that he will never enjoy.

**jns** · 02-02-2012 07:41 PM

It may be one of those things he never really gets into. I rarely have ever got excited enough to climax with a girl giving me oral. Don't read too much into his reaction unless he pushes you away. You may yet find the perfect technique that drives him wild. In between you get the fun of a hunt to try to turn him on more than the last time.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-04-2012 12:29 PM

JNS is probably right, it's just not something he's into. And to you I would ask, what's the big deal? Sounds like you're more into giving him a BJ for you than for him...possible? Sounds like it is something that you have "overcome" and now you want to show him.

Obviously, there are plenty of other things the two of you share sexually, so why not focus on what you have and enjoy together and not what you don't?

Just my opinon.

**Texasred** · 02-07-2012 08:31 PM

As above: I've never considered it a big deal; BJs are pleasant, and my gf seems to really enjoy doing it, but I've never climaxed from one either. Came close once, but that was a long time ago, and far away...

**SarahNicole624** · 02-08-2012 02:13 PM

Are you conservative when your giving a blow job? Licking it like a stamp? Licking it slowly? Guys like it when a woman goes to town. Remember that if he can feel your teeth then he probably won't like it. You have to mix it up. Don't just suck it. You have to suck it, jack it, and jiggle it. Try to do all three at the same time. Try to deep throat it. Guys are visual and need that. Watch porn when you suck it. You have to like what you do or else he will know and he will think that its a chore for you. If you don't like it he wont like it. Plain and simple.

**Stillness** · 02-19-2012 07:12 PM

I wanted to comment here, but had problems registering. I hope you're still watching.

I have a similar experience. The bad news is that if you enjoy it and are really making an effort to please him in that way and it doesn't do anything for him, it probably never will. I've known guys like that. There's a preconceived notion that all dudes love that, but many don't. The very good news is that there's probably something you can do to drive him crazy. If you know what it is, get good at it and experiment with it. If you don't, keep on exploring and asking him.

I've been married for almost 12 years and there were things that I enjoyed doing for my wife, that she just couldn't be bothered with. I wanted her to like it, but she just wouldn't. Then all of a sudden we stumbled on something that she absolutely loves a couple of years ago. It's something I wouldn't expect to be a big deal. For her it is. There is also a thing that feels so good to me it should be illegal, but when I'd asked my buddies about it they didn't like it. I never hear or read about the things my wife and I like. It's our thing and that makes it special.

My point is that everybody's different. His thing is not what you want it to be but, he's got a thing. You've got to figure out what it is and get real good at it. You're into him so you'll enjoy it and he'll love you for it.

**sp346** · 02-21-2012 11:50 AM

Thanks Stillness for the advise. I really thought about that last time we made love. Doesn't mean I'm not going to keep on trying, because that is what makes it interesting, but I think I'm going to put more energy in finding new things that gets him going.

**SaharaJim** · 02-23-2012 04:56 PM

Put me in the -never really liked it that much column. BUT if you really like it or want to "achieve it"....do you get a "merit badge" for BJ's? lol.. Sorry! Anyway my enjoyment of the act came when I had a lover who would "wake me up" for sex in the middle of the night by oral stimulation.

But she didn't mind when I would "drag her up" for more conventional sex.
But if you "need" his orgasm to validate your technique. Remember that he has "learned" to orgasm by a specific means. Is he comfortable showing you how "exactly" he masturbates?

Observe and think in terms of "replicating the sensation" when you go down on him. Also get him to agree not to orgasm by any other means for a day or two. The longer he doen't orgasm. the easier it will be for him to respond to your technique. Good luck...and remember that the idea is to have FUN; not live up to some "standard".