Suggestions..

**somexsayxcrazy** · 02-02-2012 12:01 AM

Hello!
So I'm 22 years old, & I've been with my husband for 6 years. We are high school sweethearts & have only ever had sex with eachother.
I was raised strict Christian & brought up to think sex out of marriage is a sin, so I never gave it much thought. We waited 6 months before having sex for the first time.
I've never been a sexual person, I think about it plenty I suppose but I am too shy to act on it, even after 6 years! I have no self esteem whatsoever and have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, & body dysmorphic disorder since I was 12.
I feel so awful for my husband because he is so in love with me, all of me, my body, my personality, my attitude, all of it, & I absolutely feel the same for him, but because I loathe myself so much I simply cannot ever feel "sexy" or worthy & even if I think about sex all day when I see him it goes away because I can't act on it & then I feel bad if he doesn't.. As if he's suppose to read my mind..
I don't want to disappoint him & I want to enjoy my sex life with the man I love but I'm just so screwed up in the head that I can't.
When we have sex I never feel like I'm doing enough, my mind wanders & even though I'm enjoying it & I know he is I still feel like I'm not good enough.
Has anyone overcome this that has tips?
Him and I talk about my issues & he is so wonderful & understanding, but that just makes it worse for me.
For the record I am on medication but not in therapy because my husband is joining the military & our insurance will be changing & I dont know where we will be living, but I am absolutely going to start seeing a therapist as soon as we're settled wherever we are going.

**Claret** · 02-02-2012 07:42 AM

I have to ask why you assume it's all about you and your issues. There is a lot at play here, your upbringing, your lack of exerience and the probability that you've never fully let your self go. I understand the reluctance to initiate and your disappointment when your husband doesn't pick up on what you've been thinking about all day. Why does your mind wander when you're having sex? Have you very stressful days, children, parents or work that is interferring? You, sometimes, have to make sex a priority. When your mind starts to wander, pull it back -- make a conscious effort to focus on what is happening. Where are his hands, what does his back feel like, look into his eyes try to see what he is seeing, feeling and experiencing. Forget about what you are feeling and focus on him. I think once you start concentrating on him and doing what feels good to him, you'll forget about your hang ups for that time. This will have the effect of letting your body just naturally experience the good feelings without you wondering if and when they will happen and if they don't happen why not.

**somexsayxcrazy** · 02-02-2012 08:36 PM

I'm a stay at home mom to an 8 month old. I don't know how to shut my brain off, or keep it on one subject, it often takes me hours to fall asleep or accomplish tasks because I start one thing & then think of something else I need to do and am often doing multiple projects at once, while also making mental notes about other things to do.
I try to focus on him & our sex is great, we both reach orgasm 99% of the time, so it's not like Im not there.
How do you suggest I "let go?" Sex is probably the only thing I'm sheltered about. I've always been the rebel, I've done some crazy stuff without fear, but with sex I just feel so lost, I suppose it is in big part due to inexperience. I just don't want our sex life to be dull for him.
I want to be able to get myself to be sexy for him.

**Texasred** · 02-07-2012 08:37 PM

Have you been tested for ADD - attention deficit disorder? It could well be that a little ritalin or some such drug would fix you right up. There may be other non-drug therapies as well; I'm no expert, but it sure does sound like you've got some kind of ADD. At any rate, your issues are psychological and not sexual, or not sexual alone.
You need some help, and you should get it as soon as possible.