Thread: Should I tell my girlfriend about my fantasy?

Its a pretty common fantasy. Whether you tell your girlfriend depends entirely on how she reacts to this sort of thing. She might be horrified, or she might be happy to play along - with just the 2 of you, but maybe pretending that she is male.

Its a bad sign to get mad when other people look at your girlfriend (assuming that they are not saying or doing anything improper).

Sharing fantasies can be tricky. It really depends on your girlfriend and how open minded she is. Only you can answer that question. Many people equate fantasies with true desire, but others see it just as a fantasy. Yourfriend may feel insecure about you wanting to be with another man sexually or she may be turned on by the idea.

I would suggest doing some probing. Share some more vanilla fantasies. Maybe she can share some with you. Ask her what her opinion is about threesomes. If you watch porn together, get something with mmf. See how that goes and then see if you think she will be receptive to the idea of the fantasy.

This is a very common fantasy among men. Nothing wrong with it. Doesn't matter how you identify sexual orientation wise. We all have our own fantasies that we would never tell others or ever act out.

Jeolousy is not a good foundation to build a relationship on. That is something you will have to work through.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Its a pretty common fantasy.

Really?! I'd like to understand the psychology behind this. I'm the exact opposite of the OP. I'm very trusting of my wife and have no problem with other men appreciating her beauty. I guess like most people I have fantasies that I'd prefer to keep in my brain, but another dude is more like something out of my nightmares. I wonder what accounts for this.

Honestly I would have a very hard time dealing w my man fantasiZing about a threesome w another man. I don't know if I could deal w it.

Originally Posted by Stillness

Really?! I'd like to understand the psychology behind this. I'm the exact opposite of the OP. I'm very trusting of my wife and have no problem with other men appreciating her beauty. I guess like most people I have fantasies that I'd prefer to keep in my brain, but another dude is more like something out of my nightmares. I wonder what accounts for this.

Here in the US, we are brought up in a culture of gay or straight. There is the bi option, but not as popular. In sexology, there is the concept of attraction of a scale (if you say the movie Kinsey, it mentions it). The scale goes form 0 to 6 with 0 being completey heterosexual and only attracted to the opposite sex and 6 being completely homosexual and only being attracted to your own sex. You may identify as 0 but a large portion of people fall somewhere in the middle of that scale.

Our attractions are influenced by social and cultural factors that I don't even realize. In ancient Rome, men having sex the young boys was part of the accepted norm. Everybody did it. Do was it just during that time and area, gay men were born in large numbers? No, it was a cultural influence. Similarly, our own identity and attractions are influenced by the society we grow up in. Here in the US, for a straight man to be physical in any way is not acceptable. But not the same for women. A woman may tell her boyfriend about past experiences with women but a man would fear rejection and being labeled "gay" if he told his girlfriend about a past homosexual experience.

Fantasies allow us to break away from out social and cultural norms and explore areas that may seem taboo. Also, remember, many MMF fantasies are about 2 men pleasing a woman. It doesn't necessarily have to be a gay encounter.

You would be surprised how many couples have mfm threesomes out there (putting hand up). They aren't necessarily invovling mm interaction, more commonly it is (as stated above) about two men pleasruing the woman. It's very sad that you get angry if a man looks at your lady. what is there to be angry about? You don't 'own' her and should be pleased that others find her attractive. Just because they're looking doesn't mean they want to take her away from you - or is the worry that she might be tempted away? If your r/ship is strong and true then where is the danger? Such anger/fear is a sign of insecurity. It would be great if you could think of it in a positive light rather than negative.

Having fantasies about adding someone else to your sexual experiences doesn't mean you don't love her (or visa versa). One is love, the other is lust and you can have both in a healthy r/ship. It's healthy to discuss sexual thoughts and feelings as long as they are done without judgement and with trust. You don't have to jump straight into you wildest fantasy, maybe start with something else that arouses you. Discovering more about each other is one of the joys of a r/ship, enjoy the journey.

Originally Posted by sp346

Here in the US, we are brought up in a culture of gay or straight. There is the bi option, but not as popular. In sexology, there is the concept of attraction of a scale (if you say the movie Kinsey, it mentions it). The scale goes form 0 to 6 with 0 being completey heterosexual and only attracted to the opposite sex and 6 being completely homosexual and only being attracted to your own sex. You may identify as 0 but a large portion of people fall somewhere in the middle of that scale.

Our attractions are influenced by social and cultural factors that I don't even realize. In ancient Rome, men having sex the young boys was part of the accepted norm. Everybody did it. Do was it just during that time and area, gay men were born in large numbers? No, it was a cultural influence. Similarly, our own identity and attractions are influenced by the society we grow up in. Here in the US, for a straight man to be physical in any way is not acceptable. But not the same for women. A woman may tell her boyfriend about past experiences with women but a man would fear rejection and being labeled "gay" if he told his girlfriend about a past homosexual experience.

Fantasies allow us to break away from out social and cultural norms and explore areas that may seem taboo. Also, remember, many MMF fantasies are about 2 men pleasing a woman. It doesn't necessarily have to be a gay encounter.

I was moreso asking about an extremely jealous man fantasizing about another man with his girlfriend, especially as contrasted with myself and what I'd guess to be most men, who don't like the idea of another man with our woman but are not excessively jealous. That's what I don't get. rcoreyus' comment that it's common is also curious. I just wouldn't think that'd be common.

I'm not sure what you would be trying to accomplish by sharing a fantasy that you would never really want to act out. Fantasies are easily misunderstood by another person. Only you can judge how what her reaction would be to sharing a fantasy like that. For example, I would not be upset if my husband told me that he fantasized about such a thing, but on the other hand I have a sister who would not want to hear that at all. Only you know your partner since none of us has ever met her.

I actually have some strong, and rather obnoxious, cuckold fantasies (probably due to a low self-esteem) and occasionally the more traditional mmf fantasies. I told my wife once. She wasn't mad, but she didn't like that I could even picture her with another man. That actually made me feel good. Like you, I never plan on acting out on these things. I'd prefer not to have the fantasies at all, but such is life.