Thread: giving ultimatum for sex

I have what I thought was a male friend that also rents an apartment from me. Since niether of us are dating anyone we have been going fishing, bingo, and out to eat(taking turns paying) ect. I am 59 he's 61. I have never concidered him anything but a friend. He has a gambling problem, can't manage his money, lives paycheck to paycheck. His last live-in was so filthy the ex landlord won't ever let him rent there again. This woman slept with every crank head that would share drugs with her.
There is absolutly no way I would ever concider having sex with this man. He is looking for a woman to live with, any woman will do. Two weeks ago he told my son-in-law that if I didn't start having sex with him he was looking some where else!!!! I was shocked, flabergasted, stuned, you name it, I was it and so was my daughter and son-in-law. I have been simmering mad ever since. He doesn't know I have been told about his ultimatum. Now I don't know what to do. Any advise on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

Wow, that is interesting. If he is renting from you and making ultimatums, I say kick his sorry butt out. You can always find someone else to rent from you. Possibly a single woman out there that has no desire to sleep with another women.

This guy sounds like a scumbag. I would confront him about what he told your son-in-law...I can't believe your son-in-law didn't punch him for you!

You don't need advice, you need a few bulky guys to come evict him!

How very unfortunate for you? It is always a nasty shock when someone you value as a friend and whom you believed to value your friendship in the same way turns out to have an ulterior motive. The man is obviously very lonely, but his sexual needs are not your problem.

As excruciatingly embarrassing as it sounds, I would tell him that his comment has got back to you and use the opportunity to set him straight on a few things. It may just be that he mistook your friendship for a different level of interest, so the sooner he knows otherwise, the better for you both. In cases like these, I do think honesty, no matter how blunt is the best policy.

Hopefully he will direct his interest elsewhere and regard you with the respect that one should a friend. Good luck.

Well I let him know in a round about way by telling him in general conversation. In this day and age, I will not concider sex with any man unless he has been to a doctor and got a clean bill of health for std's. After telling him that he has dropped me as a friend. He barly speaks to me now when he comes for his mail. So he wasn't a friend to begain with. He only wanted free sex and then slid into a womans home so he doesn't have to live alone. So he can go pick up a street walker. Oh I was giving him a discount on his rent because I thought he was a friend. This Friday he will be getting an increase in rent notice to the amount I got before I let him move in with out giving any kind of deposit. It is men like him that gives decent men a bad name.

Glad to hear you are standing your ground. That is a great thing.

You are right...I would also tell him with the increase in rent you are giving him a certain amount of time to find another place!

Good Luck!

kick him out, find a new tennent im sure if you put it on the market at the right time a student may rent it

You speak of some words - maybe these are just words, maybe he intends some form of action, either way its you who are the dealer and the banker in this game - you hold all four aces.
Its your choice - only - do you want him there? My guess is he is pulling on a few sob stories, guild things, etc. You probably know all this and put up with him because you want to... or worse... cos you couldn't handle the guilt if you chucked him out on the streat and just at that moment a truck came along and crash...... YOU would be responsible then wouldn't you!
Of Course not... its all about autonomy, he is responsible for his life, and when he is under your roof, its your rules. Maybe work on getting the boundaries/ground rules clear?

WOW! OUCH!!! It seems I arrived late to the party to answer this question. But I agree with all the responses so far. I would have tried Iseult's approach first with the intentions of tinkerbell930's approach as the solution. BloodDragon's approach as the the next/follow-up step. All with the sound words of Loris1's approach reinforcing your decision because it sounds like this man was never your friend to begin with. Even if both of you where moving together towards a sexual relationship, his comment was totally disrespectful and less than honorable. Some people you just have to pray for and love from a far. Be Blessed!!!

Originally Posted by inquisitive1

WOW! OUCH!!! It seems I arrived late to the party to answer this question. But I agree with all the responses so far. I would have tried Iseult's approach first with the intentions of tinkerbell930's approach as the solution. BloodDragon's approach as the the next/follow-up step. All with the sound words of Loris1's approach reinforcing your decision because it sounds like this man was never your friend to begin with. Even if both of you where moving together towards a sexual relationship, his comment was totally disrespectful and less than honorable. Some people you just have to pray for and love from a far. Be Blessed!!!

Thanks guys. He is gone now. Want a good laugh read on. Get this he is telling people he got a new girlfriend and I don't like her so I raised his rent. lol. This "girl friend" is a street walker. She came to my door instead of his at 1:10 a.m., again at 4:20 a.m. and the last time at 6:15 a.m. She was so messed up she could not remember which door was his. I confronted him about what he told my son in law. He siad that wasn't what he said. I ask if he was calling my son in law a lair. He said I told him I really liked you a lot but I could not have sex with you because I have gential warts!!!.. ( I know he did not tell son in law this. son in law would have hit him if he had said that to him) I said, Oh my God did your ex give them to you. (I know her). Get this, he said no, he got them from the live in ex before her. That means he has had them for over 12 years and has not done anything about them. This man was willing to give them to me just like he has every woman he has been with since he was infected for the last 12 years. Good bye to bad rubbish.