whilhelm

did you read this girl's original post??

who cares whether you and your husband like porn? who cares if you watch it & it helps your relationship? porn is ruining this girl's relationship with the one she loves.

she can choose to walk away or - if she thinks he's worth it - she will need to help him get off of porn.

either way - your love of porn has nothing to offer.

housewife

Hotdogg,

I see through all of your posts that you don't have a problem with porn, and you are happily married and you love him and ...

but if you read the problem of this lady, you will see that her boyfriend is not like your husband at all.

he watches porn and does not want to be near her.
this woman is badly hurt.

I agree with what whilhelm said in this thread. it is true,

If watching porn does not cause any trouble in your life, remember that it destroys others, and causes many divorces , simply because one is not comfortable with other watching porn.

So, what is your advice for this lady?

__________________
house

whilhelm

never said they were unhappy - i said they watch porn because it does something their partner can't. and that's true.

the danger - well, one danger - with porn is that people often come to prefer the thing that porn provides over what a real relationship provides.

hotdogg

the reason he does not go near his wife, could be one of a hundred things you are just assuming it is because of porn!

also demanding that he should give up the porn is unlikely to help matters.

if i was her i would just ask him why he does'nt want sex! i doubt he is going to say he likes porn better! may be he doesn't love her any more. may be it is something else who knows. if he is unwilling to tell her then she should end the relationship.

you do not know, so stop generalizing.

hotdogg

the danger - well, one danger - with porn is that people often come to prefer the thing that porn provides over what a real relationship provides.

COMPLETE RUBBISH!
how can watching a sexual act ever replace the practice of a sexual act!

masterbation is good but it is NEVER better than having sex!

any one who claims masterbation is better must have a rubbish sex life!

most men masterbate so they can last longer when they have sex.

your logic makes no sense! so watching porn will make you prefer porn to sex LOL! if that were true, then viewing horror films would turn the viewer in to a axe murderer!

get real Ned!

preciousmommy1

Taken from:
UTD Counseling Center: Self-Help: Overcoming Pornography Addiction

How would you know if your pornography use is harmful to you? The following are some signs that pornography use is problematic:

• The use feels like it is out of your control. You make unsuccessful efforts to quit or limit your use.

• Your use of pornography is incompatible with your beliefs and values. You feel guilt, shame, depression, and/or remorse after using pornography.

• You keep your pornography use or the extent of your pornography use secret from others and worry that others will find out about your use.

• The use of pornography consumes your thinking. When you are not using pornography, you think about if frequently and anticipate when you will use it again. You spend increasing amounts of time using pornography.

• Your use of pornography has negative consequences in your life. For example, you may neglect responsibilities or become less effective in your job or in academics. You might spend too much money on pornography or put yourself in dangerous situations you would not normally be in due to the pornography or sexual addiction. You may have been caught using pornography in inappropriate places such as work or a campus computer lab.

• Your use of pornography causes problems in your intimate relationships, such as creating emotional distance between people you love or causing those in a relationship with you to feel neglected. You may lose relationships due to the pornography.

Any of these signs can indicate that pornography is becoming a problem. If you are concerned that you or someone you care about may have a problem with pornography, check out the self-help resources at the end of this article or talk to a mental health professional.

whilhelm

"the reason he does not go near his wife, could be one of a hundred things you are just assuming it is because of porn!"

no. what we know is that he is uninterested in sex with his wife - but very interested in sex with himself using porn. empirical studies - and, more importantly, the testimonies of women, even on this board - have shown us that frequent users of porn often start to prefer porn over real, intimate relationships.

"how can watching a sexual act ever replace the practice of a sexual act!

masterbation is good but it is NEVER better than having sex!"

well, hotdogg, i've answered this many times before. so let me, instead, just quote you:

"now porn is simply a masterbation tool! sometimes you just need a quick release, you do not always feel like having sex because it takes more effort! "

contradicting yourself again - not uncommon when your logic is flawed.

the fact is that many men who get entangled by porn end up prefering it to real sex. it asks nothing of them - no need to communicate. no need to reciprocate. no need to compromise. no need to think about anyone but yourself.

and, yes, there's pretty good evidence that this guy in question is experiencing exactly this.

"most men masterbate so they can last longer when they have sex."

no, hotdogg. some do - and some do infrequently. most men masturbate because they want to get off, regardless of how long they might last when they have sex.

"if i was her i would just ask him why he does'nt want sex! i doubt he is going to say he likes porn better!"

perhaps that would work for you & your husband. most relationships, though, require a little more finesse. if he's hooked on porn, he isn't going to be able to answer that first question honestly.

the second one, however, might surprise you, if you'd be willing to confront the evidence. you'd be shocked at the numbers of men who do admit to prefering solo sex with porn over sex with their wives.

"also demanding that he should give up the porn is unlikely to help matters."

she should definitely demand that he give up porn - and then resign herself that he will not be able to give it up easily. he is holding a rattlesnake - if she loves him, she'll try to get him to drop it.

she recognizes its potential to harm both him & her. and she's exactly right.

right to feel threatened. right to feel hurt.

hotdogg

twisting my words again NED!

people masterbate it is not a crime GET OVER IT!

Also just because some insecure women come on this board throwing a fit because their man watched porn does not equal evidence!

millions of people all over the world watch porn, it does not affect relationships with people who are in good relationships people who are secure with each other.

you hate porn so you think everyone else should, you know these insecure women hate porn too. so you reinforce their insecurities by telling them they should be angery at their man!

well i hope you it makes you feel good to be causing more problems for them.

all these men who do not want sex any more would have watched porn before they met their partners so i very much doubt their relationship problems are down to just porn, relationships break down for many reasons, they are just assuming it is down to porn.

whilhelm

twisting my words again NED!

i quoted you DIRECTLY. how was i twisting your words?

people masterbate it is not a crime GET OVER IT!

where did you get the idea i was calling it a crime? or even saying it was bad?

Also just because some insecure women come on this board throwing a fit because their man watched porn does not equal evidence!

it, by itself, is not evidence that porn is bad. it is evidence that porn is cauing problems for relationships.

millions of people all over the world watch porn, it does not affect relationships with people who are in good relationships people who are secure with each other.

maybe. but keep in mind that two coke addicts also will say that coke is not causing problems in their relationship.

you hate porn so you think everyone else should, you know these insecure women hate porn too. so you reinforce their insecurities by telling them they should be angery at their man!

well i hope you it makes you feel good to be causing more problems for them.

that's just funny it's so idiotic.

all these men who do not want sex any more would have watched porn before they met their partners so i very much doubt their relationship problems are down to just porn, relationships break down for many reasons, they are just assuming it is down to porn.

hotdogg, one of the reasons you are fighting this so vehemently is that - if i was right - you would have a problem. you couldn't enjoy porn anymore the way you want to. you might have to acknowledge that you had something troublesome to deal with & you'd have to think about making some changes.

what does the guys' having watched porn before marriage have to do with anything?? porn could still be the problem in the relationship. if a guy did coke before marriage, then got married, and his wife was upset about the problems coke was causing in his life - would you say that, because he did it before he got married, it couldn't be the source of trouble in the marriage? of course not.

you're still so busy trying to convince someone that you & your husband don't have a problem. everytime i make a statement you seem to get defensive - probably because you feel like i'm attacking your marriage.

how many times have i conceded that you & your husband are the exception. you guys apparently have been able to totally walk above evry documented problem that porn typically causes in a relationship. i'm happy for both of you in that regard. you have an open, honest, blissful relationhip. i would only hope that for us all.

unfortunately, many women are NOT experiencing that. and it isn't because they are all paranoid, or because they are all insecure, or they all "have issues." it's because porn is killing their relationships - and they are recognizing that.

again, my analogy: just because you insist so strongly that your husband has never been attacked by the shark in the water, this does not have any bearing on the bloody, mangled bodies of the husbands who HAVE been attacked. these women are mourning the damage that has been done to someone they love deeply - and you just keep reminding them that your husband wasn't bitten, so they should just get over it.

they can't hotdogg. there's blood. there's pain. there's loss of function. you would have them all cover their eyes & pretend there was NO blood, NO pain, NO loss of function - all because your husband just came out of the water & he's fine.

you said your husband watches porn once a week. these women have husbands/boyfriends who watch it CONSTANTLY, like many guys. guys who can't control it - even to the point of being caught by their kids!

they don't have husbands who watch it once a week & can't get enough of them. they have husbands who neglect them & show virtually NO affection - but will get alone with porn any chance they can.

THAT'S A PROBLEM, HOTDOGG.

and the problem is the porn.

PixieDuzt

Ok, can we stop the petty fightin that has nothing to do with this woman's problem? The fact is that this woman's boyfriend does not want to have sex with her anymore. I have been here. I bet that he doesn't have a really problem with porn, most men watch porn and she just happened to catch him. The fact is that he still has a sex drive and therefore is watching porn and masturbating to take care of that need. He does not feel the urge to go to his girlfriend of 3 years and have sex with her so he masturbates. I have been in this EXACT situation. He just doesn't love you anymore sweety. I know that is horrible to hear but I'd rather be blunt. Get out before you get crushed even more. Sometimes people just grow apart and that is what has happened. I doubt anything you do will save your relationship. He is simply not interested. I am so sorry.