Thread: Men: Confusion for the unexperienced or shy women?!

Men: I've been wondering for quite some time about what makes sex good for you, and if you're bothered about how good it is for us women.

Persoanlly I hate having new sexual partners, because I always think that what worked for one man might not work for a new one. Grrr, those personal prefferences, eh?! So does it really matter what a woman does in bed?

One thing i've always been shy about is oral sex and foreplay - giving them. Just not knowing about what feels good for the guy or not has killed my confidence with this. I remember thinking "am I doing this too hard? Or not hard enough? Am I really BAD at this??? What the ?!"

Men (or very experienced women), EXPLAIN? Tips and Hints? some of us poor women are just baffled!

There are a few of us men around. Everyone is different, but I can tell you about what excites me.

Here are a couple of quick notes:

First of all ... RELAX. As long as it does not hurt, most things feel pretty good.

Regarding oral ... the only thing that every makes it bad is teeth. That just plain hurts. Other than that, you really can't go wrong. And after he ejaculates, ease off as men get really sensitive.

For foreplay ... a couple of key things. Do not grab the penis skin tight and pump up and down. And be careful not to scratch with the fingernails. Do remember to massage the entire penis. Top, bottom, front, back, sides. Use lub or something. Also, the head of the penis is by far the most sensitive and rubbing it will cause faster ejaculation. To get him more stimulated over a longer period of time (more fun) rub anywhere except the head.


Note for the long part on what I think is how to really excite men. Hopefully worthwhile to read:

Speaking from the male side ... the male orgasm can get rather boring after a while. After getting in a routine, a mans body can get trained into orgasming very quickly. The faster it happens the less intense it is as well.

I am not sure a lot of people really understand the male orgasm, especially women. Reason I say this is that I find very little of this kind of information posted anywhere. If anyone disagrees with me on this, by all means I would love to hear your opinion.

I am going to break this down into a few parts:

1) The male body gets trained on how to orgasm. When repeated brought to quick orgasm, the next ones will be reached faster with less stimulation. Men that masturbate in such a way that they stimulate themselves as much as possible to get off as fast as possible train their bodies to do the same when with a woman. Also, when sex is routinely just to vaginal intercourse the same happens.

2) The male body is designed to orgasm inside a vagina. The more the stimulation feels like a vagina the faster ejaculation will happen ... also, the longer the time it will take for a many to be ready again for sex. A tier might be listed as something like:

dry hand
pillows
wet hand
oral
vaginal

After anything leading up, such as getting him off once with a hand job, you may be able to get him off again by going one step up the tier because his body will feel somewhat unfulfilled. Albeit he will need some recharge time, and may not be able to do it more than twice in a long session (1 - 1.5 hours). I personally need at least 20-minutes after the first time to be ready for more. After vagina intercourse, I'm done even after the first time.

3) Men can have different kinds of orgasms, most just never know that or never try. The head of the penis is very similar to the clitoris with a number of nerve endings. Stimulating it is very pleasurable, but those nerves run straight to the triggers for ejaculation. It also triggers a very shallow orgasm. But this is the area that usally gets the most stimulation either via hand, oral, vaginal. So contrary to probably popular belief, most me find vagina sex rather boring after a while. To give a fuller orgasm (probably comparable to a g-spot orgasm for women) the rest of the male body needs to be brought to orgasm without stimulating the head of the penis.

So ... some ideas based on this info.

1) If you are in a routine of quickly getting to vaginal sex, get out of it asap. It trains a man to get off fast, gives a shallow orgasm from head stimulation, and after reaching the top tier of stimulation his body is done (it has achieved its mission).

2) One routine that worked really well with one of my g/f's was that she would start pleasing me and get me off once through some non-vaginal method. Then I would spend about an hour taking care of her. By that time I was ready again and we would finish off with intercourse. That way we both got a full orgasm and fulfilled the intercourse desires.

So now, perhaps the million dollar question ... how to train a male body to last longer and stimulate him to a full orgasm? No exact science on this, but the main trick is to get the whole penis stimulated slowly. The closer to the head, the faster it gets sensitive. What I like to do to myself is put two finger on the front side and my thumb on the back penching the penis just below the head. I then swirl my fingers with firm pressure. As I feel the stimulous sensation I move my fingers lower and continue to swirl. Doing this I can, for lack of better words, "pull down" the stimulation. At the right pace I can get my fingers all the way to the base and feel the whole penis tingle. Going too fast, getting ahead of the sensation, and it falls off. Move too slow and the stimulation causes me to ejaculate. After doing this and stopping the stimulation at the base just before orgasming, release, let the sensation subside, and then start again from the top. Each time the stimulation happens faster. Finally (after practicing this) you can get a man stimulated so much that you can touch him ANYWHERE (arms, feet, etc.) and he will orgasm. That is when you know it is full body.

It would amittedly be tricky for a woman to do this to a guy because you have to quickly know how he is feeling. But it can be a lot of fun, help the sexual communication, and really be a turn-on for men. What my wife and I do is take a condom and roll it just over the head. She then does anything she wants, except touch the area covered by the condom. That alone makes for a more intense orgasm.

Either way, getting brought to orgasm slowly trains the body to not go off as fast. Getting brought to the edge of orgasm and letting off several times helps as well. Also, after getting good move from stimulation not similar to vaginal and working your ways to more vaginal like stimulation. This will train a male body to not orgasm as fast from vaginal-like stimulation. Ultimately, just sitting on top with him inside you but moving slow or not at all to excite and relax him with vaginal stimulation is the ultimate ... but this takes a lot of working up to, practice, understanding how the body reacts, communication, and patients. My wife and I enjoy it as a very erotic game ... how long can you keep me inside you without actually making me ejaculate.
All around, with my wife and I these activities make sex more interactive and brings out more communication to helps each of us understand each others bodies more

I have never given oral yet because I"m afraid of hurting the guy. I know the penis is very sensitive and I know you mainly just need to watch your teeth but that still scares me because your mouth is full of them! My biggest fear is if i put the penis in my mouth my teeth would accidently scrape it and then I would be too scared to even try again for fear of hurting him. Because I am small I have a small mouth so it just seems impossible for me to do this without my teeth scraping him

Peteite25: You just need to hold your lips over your teeth. That's one of the most tiring things about oral sex to me, but it isn't hard to do

As an imaginative guy I could write a book on this!
For me its a confident woman knowing that I want her and her teasing me, sure there are physical things, and fetishes and the like, (if you want to nkwo this say so and I shall post a list!) but in a meaningful relationship its when a woman understand's she is what I crave for,the man is worshipping and the woman receiving the adoration, this is a happy relationship for both. He gets what he wants - a real feeling of holding someone precious and wonderful - she gets the knowledge that he knows she is wonderful

Kermit, that was GREAT! thank you for sharing!

Dear Kermit-
Hear hear! That was thorough, informative, and dare I say-eloquent! Be Blessed!!!

Quick notes:

Some of you may take offense at this. If this rubs you the wrong way, then I am truly sorry, but this is one man's (my) careful observations over the years.

1. Don't be afraid of hurting the man with oral. He will not want it any less even if you drew blood the first 10 times. It just is not something you can screw up. (no pun). It's also not something you will be condemned for long term.

2. A man will always love it when a woman craves his body. A man will always love it when a woman craves being submissive. These are not things that are requirements, but they are consistent among everyone I've spoken to. If he is a nice guy, you can gain an incredible amount of intimacy playing the "take me" role.

3. Take him orally while he is driving. 1. It will make him think that you crave him. 2. It is great! Trying the reverse is dangerous btw, don't ask for it in return. For some reason, the women I know shut down their ability to function when they orgasm.

4. If you've had a past involving same sex experimentation, be *careful* in divulging this. *Careful*. Don't assume that because in general men are enamored with this concept in a single setting, and are almost always turned on by it, that they are not threatened by the images of the past of their girl. Trust me on this: guys will almost always disagree on this upfront, but when you dig deeper, the following comes out in most cases: girl-girl sex is great, but girl-girl sex in your girl's past can threaten the daylights out of you when you're even slightly insecure. I'm not saying lie. I'm not saying this is always the case. I'm saying please *DON'T* assume that discussing that is always a turn on. It can horribly backfire.

5. Regarding the skin of the penis. It's unclear which is better, but for the most part, most of the research I've seen shows that male masturbation is almost always achieved when the skin is grabbed around the girth and physically moved (not slid over even with a lubricant). Grabbing an inch or so down, or just so that the upward motion presses against the base of the glans is perfect hand conduct.

6. He has to have the ability to initiate the sex. Many women make the mistake of establishing the following rule: we can have sex often so long as they initiate it. (Usually because it is often something not particularly comfortable in the begining.) Try to remember two things. Men need to initiate sometimes. And as a woman, you may experience that you are not interested in the begining, but as you get going, all of a sudden you are. Because a man is almost always interested, this can lead to a struggle.

This topic tends to bifurcate into many sub-topics. It is difficult to stay focused on one small part of sex, as any advice for it so very much applies elsewhere.

Originally Posted by Quill.

Men: I've been wondering for quite some time about what makes sex good for you, and if you're bothered about how good it is for us women.

Persoanlly I hate having new sexual partners, because I always think that what worked for one man might not work for a new one. Grrr, those personal prefferences, eh?! So does it really matter what a woman does in bed?

One thing i've always been shy about is oral sex and foreplay - giving them. Just not knowing about what feels good for the guy or not has killed my confidence with this. I remember thinking "am I doing this too hard? Or not hard enough? Am I really BAD at this??? What the ?!"

Men (or very experienced women), EXPLAIN? Tips and Hints? some of us poor women are just baffled!

Hi Quill,
luckily guys are pretty simple from a physical standpoint, there's nothing major you need to know that can't be answered in this thread. I've tried to make my answers as descriptive as possible, so feel free to ask follow-up questions.

Itemized Lists Solve Everything:

A) "Men: I've been wondering for quite some time about what makes sex good for you, and if you're bothered about how good it is for us women," not really, that's like a hunter being jealous of a deer's shiny pelt. Men take women's pleasure as source of pride and satisfaction (well, good guys anyway), don't feel guilty if you think you had a better time, just tell him what a good job he did.

B) "I always think that what worked for one man might not work for a new one." While sometimes true, I wouldn't worry about it, men are not, repeat: not as individual as women. Most of the basics (stimulate the frenulum, apply pressure to base of the shaft) work just as well for every single man; men are simpler creatures.

Yes, you might try something he doesn't like, but just as often you'll end up doing something he loves but might be to nervous to ask for. The only thing you should never try on a man (well, a straight man) without asking first is any kind of anal play or any use of your teeth, otherwise unleash your arsenal of tricks, knowledge is power!

Lastly, if you're not sure ASK! Half the fun of talking dirty is being completely frank about your sexual desires (what you want to do, what you want done to you) and lots of guys like giving direction, it makes them feel like they're the one in charge.

C) "One thing i've always been shy about is oral sex and foreplay - giving them. Just not knowing about what feels good for the guy or not has killed my confidence with this."

oral sex
Okay, for oral sex on a man there's just a few key things to know:

The Frenulum: Located on the underside of the penis where the shaft meets the head. This is the most sensitive part of the penis, and where most of your attention should be. You can lick it directly or while sucking the head of the penis. Licking and sucking this one part may be all you need to get a guy off, don't assume you need to be doing different things every minute to give great oral sex.

The shaft: "oral sex" is a bit of a misnomer, if you're not using your hands during, chances are you should be (or they're tied behind your back, but that's another lesson). Simply holding and squeezing the shaft (preferably near the base) in conjunction with your mouth can yield astonishing results.

Stroking: Now, once you're comfortable with that combination, you can start moving your hand up and down the shaft. Do not move your hand more than an inch or two in either direction, pulling it more than that might not be comfortable for the guy. A great way to make sure your strokes are the proper length is to just use your wrist to move your hand up and down, the range of motion is pretty much perfect.

Note that with oral focus on the frenulum, a good grip, and proper stroking, most guys are going to cum very fast, so feel free to add these elements over time, or just start off slowly.

foreplay
There's not much you can do for a man foreplay-wise, I know it's a huge turn on for women, but I've lost an erection when a woman spent too much time "teasing" me. Squeezing and rubbing his package, on the other hand, can be a very good way to get him going, but it usually does not take much to get a guy ready.

Anyway, I hope that helps!