Does she not want it? or am i a failure?

Her_BF · 08-15-2007, 11:27 PM

Im kind of confused now about this, so i figure i come ask some women! hehe (my gf actully found this site looking for info on stuff so thats how i found it)

Alrighty so my gf and i were each others first and we have been dating for almost a year now and at first when we had sex we would do it almost everyday ( that was up to her i ALWAYS tell her she has to want it, i dont want her to feel that i only want her for it cause i dont, i truely love her and want to have a family with her and grow old together). Now with this last months we have slowed down, and that is completly fine with me cause i enjoy just spending time, but lately (last month about maybe bit longer) we have done it like 3 times, and she doesnt even really like to be romantic about it she just like drops her panties and is like okay here i am, go... and i like to kiss and stuff but she doesnt seem to want to anymore.

I was wondering does she not want it anymore? am i less atractive? is she loosing interest iin me? or am i just so bad at it she doesnt feel like its pleasureing to her at all, only me... After all i NEVER hear her make any noise, she says she is holding it in casue she is "scared" or something like that... but we have done it many times idk what she is scared of... PLEASE just if you ladies have any info it be great.. because right now i feel like im a failure to her when it comes to sex...

ALSO dont get me wrong idc really if we have it, just when we do i kinda feel like bad...

Thanks for all info!

nuno2502 · 08-16-2007, 12:15 PM

Hi, I know you are wanting to hear from women but I thought I would chip in as well. It is a fact that in the beginning of a relationship you have sex more often than later on. It is common for it to become less frequent but it also does depend on the couple. What I would suggest you do is talk to her about it. ANY issues you have between each other should be conversed about, not argued about or demanded. It is very important that you are able to tell each other exactly what it is that is bothering you. You should ask her if she is happy with your sex life and how you can improve it as you feel that you are not satisfying her. There is ALWAYS room for improvement. Hopefully she will feel that you are trying to strengthen the relationship and she will open up to you. Also remember that she might have something going on that is affecting her libido. Maybe she is having stress at work and it is suppressing her sex drive. This is why you need to start your process asking her. Dont try to talk to her about it while you are having sex and dont through it in her face if you have been rejecting for wanting to have sex. It needs to be broached tactfully. When you are having some quiet time, (not cooking, cleaning, watching TV or mid-coitus etc). You seem like a guy that is rather sincere and thoughtful about her needs. I agree completely about not forcing sex, because you want her to want it. That does then leave it open to only her instigating it and that could also be a problem. Maybe she wants you to be more assertive. Not necessarily grabbing her head and forcing her but put your hand on her *** while she is doing something unimportant or when you are sitting watching TV (NOT HER FAVOURITE SHOW), run your hand up her leg. DO NOT however give her physical affection when you want sex as this will definitely cause a fight. There are so many things it could be that I could go on for pages. Ask her...

**housewife** · 08-16-2007, 12:44 PM

your sex life is just a reflection to your relationship.

there is something about you that bothers her
see what it is

try to tell her what you told us,
these problems must be solved between the two of you
have an open discussion about it and see what is wrong with her

try to help her around the house
women find that sexy
try too give her a message after a busy day
cook dinner for her
do other things to show that you care about her

Borden · 08-29-2007, 05:25 PM

I know you posted this a couple weeks ago, but I my husband and I are exactly the same way. At first it was crazy, the only difference between you and me is that I got pregnant and that slowed things down. It could be many things. Has she changed physically? I know that if she gained weight or had some physical change this could effect how she feels about her self and will come out in sex. If she doesn't feel beautiful, why would you, is what she is thinking, therefore she is embarrassed. Or maybe you have physically changed and she looks at you differently. Also like the other guy said it could be stress or maybe she is just really busy. At first is a relationship all you want to do is be with the person your in love with emotionally and phsyically, but as you two fall into a pattern in your relationship sex starts to die down. I don't know how old you are, but if your young and just starting out that's alot for a person to handle and could really be causing stres on her.
Also just because you two have been toghether for a little bit of time, you have to keep things fresh and don't fall into a slump I guess. Make sure that she knows how much you love her and that you think she is beautiful. Touch her just to touch her and not because you want sex. Pass by her while she is doing dishes and give her a great big hug and a kiss and then walk away. I think men when they are in relationships tend to only be physical when they want sex and they forget the rest of the time. Your women is a beautiful lady regardless if you want laid or not and you have to let her know this. So do nice stuff for her with no strings attached. This will make her see that you appreciate her and that you care for her. You don't have to do anything amazing to show her this. After all I really think it's the little things that matter the most, these are the things that get forgotten or looked past all the time, but are the things that will be appreciated the most.

08-15-2007, 11:27 PM	#1
Her_BF Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1	Does she not want it? or am i a failure? Im kind of confused now about this, so i figure i come ask some women! hehe (my gf actully found this site looking for info on stuff so thats how i found it) Alrighty so my gf and i were each others first and we have been dating for almost a year now and at first when we had sex we would do it almost everyday ( that was up to her i ALWAYS tell her she has to want it, i dont want her to feel that i only want her for it cause i dont, i truely love her and want to have a family with her and grow old together). Now with this last months we have slowed down, and that is completly fine with me cause i enjoy just spending time, but lately (last month about maybe bit longer) we have done it like 3 times, and she doesnt even really like to be romantic about it she just like drops her panties and is like okay here i am, go... and i like to kiss and stuff but she doesnt seem to want to anymore. I was wondering does she not want it anymore? am i less atractive? is she loosing interest iin me? or am i just so bad at it she doesnt feel like its pleasureing to her at all, only me... After all i NEVER hear her make any noise, she says she is holding it in casue she is "scared" or something like that... but we have done it many times idk what she is scared of... PLEASE just if you ladies have any info it be great.. because right now i feel like im a failure to her when it comes to sex... ALSO dont get me wrong idc really if we have it, just when we do i kinda feel like bad... Thanks for all info!

08-16-2007, 12:44 PM	#3
housewife August 2007 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 412	your sex life is just a reflection to your relationship. there is something about you that bothers her see what it is try to tell her what you told us, these problems must be solved between the two of you have an open discussion about it and see what is wrong with her try to help her around the house women find that sexy try too give her a message after a busy day cook dinner for her do other things to show that you care about her __________________ *house*

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08-16-2007, 12:15 PM	#2
nuno2502 Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: South Africa Posts: 3	Hi, I know you are wanting to hear from women but I thought I would chip in as well. It is a fact that in the beginning of a relationship you have sex more often than later on. It is common for it to become less frequent but it also does depend on the couple. What I would suggest you do is talk to her about it. ANY issues you have between each other should be conversed about, not argued about or demanded. It is very important that you are able to tell each other exactly what it is that is bothering you. You should ask her if she is happy with your sex life and how you can improve it as you feel that you are not satisfying her. There is ALWAYS room for improvement. Hopefully she will feel that you are trying to strengthen the relationship and she will open up to you. Also remember that she might have something going on that is affecting her libido. Maybe she is having stress at work and it is suppressing her sex drive. This is why you need to start your process asking her. Dont try to talk to her about it while you are having sex and dont through it in her face if you have been rejecting for wanting to have sex. It needs to be broached tactfully. When you are having some quiet time, (not cooking, cleaning, watching TV or mid-coitus etc). You seem like a guy that is rather sincere and thoughtful about her needs. I agree completely about not forcing sex, because you want her to want it. That does then leave it open to only her instigating it and that could also be a problem. Maybe she wants you to be more assertive. Not necessarily grabbing her head and forcing her but put your hand on her *** while she is doing something unimportant or when you are sitting watching TV (NOT HER FAVOURITE SHOW), run your hand up her leg. DO NOT however give her physical affection when you want sex as this will definitely cause a fight. There are so many things it could be that I could go on for pages. Ask her...

08-29-2007, 05:25 PM	#4
Borden Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 6	I know you posted this a couple weeks ago, but I my husband and I are exactly the same way. At first it was crazy, the only difference between you and me is that I got pregnant and that slowed things down. It could be many things. Has she changed physically? I know that if she gained weight or had some physical change this could effect how she feels about her self and will come out in sex. If she doesn't feel beautiful, why would you, is what she is thinking, therefore she is embarrassed. Or maybe you have physically changed and she looks at you differently. Also like the other guy said it could be stress or maybe she is just really busy. At first is a relationship all you want to do is be with the person your in love with emotionally and phsyically, but as you two fall into a pattern in your relationship sex starts to die down. I don't know how old you are, but if your young and just starting out that's alot for a person to handle and could really be causing stres on her. Also just because you two have been toghether for a little bit of time, you have to keep things fresh and don't fall into a slump I guess. Make sure that she knows how much you love her and that you think she is beautiful. Touch her just to touch her and not because you want sex. Pass by her while she is doing dishes and give her a great big hug and a kiss and then walk away. I think men when they are in relationships tend to only be physical when they want sex and they forget the rest of the time. Your women is a beautiful lady regardless if you want laid or not and you have to let her know this. So do nice stuff for her with no strings attached. This will make her see that you appreciate her and that you care for her. You don't have to do anything amazing to show her this. After all I really think it's the little things that matter the most, these are the things that get forgotten or looked past all the time, but are the things that will be appreciated the most.