Thread: pain

Hi all
I want to discuss my problem with the ladies here, hoping you ladies would be able to help me in this.me and my girlfriend recently got married and we never had sex before (we wanted to wait for the right time) so as i was saying we did that on first night of our wedding, right when i tried to do it she felt a lot of pain, i did for couple of minutes but the pain was unbearable for her, so i had to stop.plus i noticed no blood which i was expceting to see the first time. (i told her there will be no pain next time) so the next night we did that again and this time she felt even more pain but i kept on doing it for another 5 minutes. but still there was no blood.
Is she still a virgin or am i not doing it right??? Please help.Why she feels pain every time.plus i do not get satisfaction (organism) even after the sex.
please help!!!
excuse me if im novice in this but there is always a first time for everything.

Originally Posted by shawn1

Hi all
I want to discuss my problem with the ladies here, hoping you ladies would be able to help me in this.me and my girlfriend recently got married and we never had sex before (we wanted to wait for the right time) so as i was saying we did that on first night of our wedding, right when i tried to do it she felt a lot of pain, i did for couple of minutes but the pain was unbearable for her, so i had to stop.plus i noticed no blood which i was expceting to see the first time. (i told her there will be no pain next time) so the next night we did that again and this time she felt even more pain but i kept on doing it for another 5 minutes. but still there was no blood.
Is she still a virgin or am i not doing it right??? Please help.Why she feels pain every time.plus i do not get satisfaction (organism) even after the sex.
please help!!!
excuse me if im novice in this but there is always a first time for everything.

Alot of women don't bleed at all the first time they have sex, it doesn't mean that they aren't a virgin.

To avoid pain, make sure you guys do lots of foreplay before hand, so that she'll be more relaxed and wet. You could also try using a little lube to help things.

Boleyn is absolutely correct, it is a myth that all virgins bleed when they first have sexual intercourse. Neither you or your wife is a virgin any longer, now that you have penetrated her, however.

Echoing Boleyn once again, I can not stress the importance of foreplay and lubrication enough. Your wife may have felt even more pain the second time you attempted to have sex because she was apprehensive after the pain she felt during your first attempt. Anxiety can often cause a woman's vaginal muscles to tense involuntarily, thus making penetration more difficult and more painful. The best way to remedy that is lots of foreplay in order for your wife to feel more relaxed and aroused. It is crucial to spend lots of time at this (I'd say at least an hour) and enjoy it!

When the time comes to attempt penetration again, use lots of lubrication, (make sure the lubricant is water-based if you're using condoms, not oil-based) even if she feels wet. This will, of course reduce friction and therefore reduce the likelihood of her feeling pain. Most importantly, take it slow! There is no need to rush anything and doing so will not help your wife. If she tells you that she is in a great deal of pain, then for God's sake, stop. Do not continue for another five minutes like you did the last time. The best thing to do would be to resume foreplay and try again when she is ready.

Should you take my advice, intercourse may still hurt her somewhat, but hopefully your efforts will ensure that her pain is not unbearable. Most women find that after intercourse on a few occasions, the painful sensations are replaced by pleasurable ones. If, however that does not happen and the pain never diminishes or gets worse, your wife should see a doctor, as there may be more to it than the fact that she was a virgin.

Do not expect your wife to orgasm any time soon either. Female orgasms can be very complicated and even more elusive. For a start, women tend not to orgasm through sensation alone, we have to be in a relaxed and aroused state of mind to achieve orgasm. Whilst sex is painful for your wife, she will most likely be unable to feel relaxed or particularly aroused. Secondly, 70% of women can not orgasm through penetrative sex, so neither might your wife. It would be more realistic for you to help her to achieve orgasms from clitoral stimulation, which means lots of foreplay once again. Even that won't necessarily happen in a hurry though, it may take months, it may take years. Just make sure you are attentive and ask her to tell you what she likes and what feels good for her.

Just one more thing: If a woman doesn't orgasm during sex, it doesn't mean she hasn't enjoyed herself, so don't feel as though you are not satisfying your wife if she never does reach orgasm. Some women simply can not orgasm, but they can still have very fulfilling sex lives. Obviously, your wife presently feels too much pain to enjoy herself, but once that changes, I'm sure you will both have fun learning what feels good for her, whether that ultimately leads to orgasm or not. Just remember to be considerate, attentive and patient. Good luck.

Edit: I re-read your post and realised that you were expressing frustration at not being able to orgasm yourself, rather than your wife being unable to achieve one. If intercourse has not been possible due to your wife's discomfort and you feel that you really must reach climax, my advice is to masturbate.

first of all Congratulations, I admire you guys for waiting till you got married, in this world very few people do what you did.

About the pain, that is the beauty of 2 virgins get married, you experience everything and go through everything together.

what is going with you is normal, the pain is normal, after the first intercourse you should have waited 3 days for her to relax before the second one, the bleeding is not expecting to happen after the first or second time, but it will happen after a deep penetration.

the first few times will be painful to her, then it takes time at least 2 months to experience an orgasm.

you don't enjoy it either, that is normal too, because you are concerned about her pain and discomfort, but later every thing will change for both of you

Thanks Iseult and house wife for ur helpful opinions, it cleared a lot of things in my mind..

and I think u should know this that last night it was totally different then the first 2 times, she felt little pain but then after that she coordinated with me very well,she told me this is what she was waiting for from all those years.

the only thing that is confusing me is although the penetration was deep and slow in my point of view (based on the signs that she really enjoyed) however i saw no blood again,,Do u think it will happen next time i mean the 4th time if i go fast????????? or should it be slow?Are there anyother things i need to know to make it more pleasurable for both of us by the way im using condoms with KY jelly lubrication.

Women are so much more active today than they were in 'days of old', so many women's hymens are already 'broken' before they lose their virginity due to exercise and other activities and they don't even know it. So you may not see any bleeding. Don't worry about that. Just concentrate on getting accustomed to being with each other. And, as stated before, take it slow, no need to rush. You have a lifetime together as husband and wife, so just concentrate on getting to know each others bodies. If either of you is not comfortable about something, stop and try it again another time. You have a great start to your sexual relationship, being each others first. With time, you will know what pleases your wife and she will know what pleases you.

Originally Posted by housewife

About the pain, that is the beauty of 2 virgins get married, you experience everything and go through everything together.

Okay, I know I shouldn't be in here if I'm going slightly off-topic, but..

HOW IS THAT BEAUTIFUL?!

You seem to believe that the only way she will no longer be a virgin is if you make her bleed. I don't know where you got that idea but it is not true nor is it healthy. You two have had penetrative sex, therefore you two are no longer virgins. I would stick with the condoms and KY until you two are comfortable with sex. Do a little research on your own. TAKE IT SLOW! Do what feels right and always make sure she is comfortable!

Originally Posted by Ravsoma

Okay, I know I shouldn't be in here if I'm going slightly off-topic, but..

HOW IS THAT BEAUTIFUL?!

I know you are still virgin, once you get married you will know what I am talking about.

It is just like having my husband with me in the delivery room, to see me suffer and cry in pain but in the end a beautiful ending to this we both experience together, when we see our baby in our arms.
you go together through the good and bad, which increases your bonds with each other.

once again thanks for the wonderful tips.
and i will look for that book also from my nearest bookstore.