Thread: My boyfriend lies to me over and over about porn

Originally Posted by Kate

I honestly did not know whether to shake my head in dismay or laugh while reading all of this. Three important things to remember here.

1) THEY ARE MEN! Unless you are also a man you will NOT understand stop trying! It will not happen.

2) YOU are in NO WAY being COMPARED to the women on the screen! Why does this simple concept escape so many supposed rational women? As every teen age girl can tell you men can think of sex and the people will never enter into their minds. It is not a judgment of you, and if you take it as such perhaps the issue is not your spouse/boy friend watching porn that you should be worrying about, your own poor self image is a much larger concern.

3) It is only porn! Perhaps the most natural act in the world for humans is sex. It is true women tend to have a deeper emotional involvement but it is still a very natural. There is nothing "wrong" "dirty" "disgusting" involved. He is not thinking "Oh I wish my wife looked like her!" or "Wow, I love her more than my wife." He's not thinking at all! If you think he is then you have just uncovered the second big issue you need to be worried about, there is a serious lack of communication in your relationship.

Taking porn as a form of "cheating" or feeling threatened by it. Honestly, you obviously don't trust him when he tells it means nothing. It really doesn't mean anything. Take a long hard look at yourself, he's not the one with the problem here. Your inability to trust just might be.

well i certainly knew exactly whether to laugh or shake my head in dismay after reading this post.

you have taken a complex issue that impacts women very differently & simplified it through a very immature filter - then strained it out for us all to accept as undeniable fact. how foolish we've all been not to have adopted this perspective - and how generous of you to have the patience to take time and explain it for us.

forgive the sarcasm - but yours is an extremely damaging point of view & one that i pray people will avoid reading.

Well done Kate! Extremely well put, I hope that your comments are read and understood by all concerned!

I agree, well done Kate! You explained it quite well and honestly I never looked at any of it like that.

i can only hope my daughter thinks more of herself.

and maybe next time i do something selfish & my wife has the audacity to get upset about it - i'll just tell her it didn't mean anything.

maybe her self image will be good enough that she will accept that excuse.

come to think of it - i should have told my principal that when he got mad at me for skipping class. it didn't mean anything. or my parents when i got drunk & wrecked the car.

how could anyone not buy that excuse?!?

brilliant, folks.

...the fiance looks at porn, so do I, but not together. I've suggested this with no response. I found a type of porn I didn't like on the computer, he delted it ALL and said 'it doesn't matter b/c I don't look at it every day...' except that he does visit the same site. Daily. I feel like b/c he looks at so much porn, he doesn't want to have sex with me as much. I'm LUCKY to have sex once a week...it's mostly one to three times a month and probably not even that if I don't say anything.

Do I keep bringing it up?

Well Kate...I am glad you know EVERYTHING!!! No offense...forums are used as a tool for advice-certainly not cutting people down for their feelings. Men and women view porn in different ways. This discussion allows a lot of us to take comfort knowing that most men act this way. I know my boyfriend loves me and finds me attractive...thats not a concern. And no...I do not have self esteem issues. This is about the differences between how men and women view porn and sex. Yes it hurts me sometimes when I know he's been looking at it....but that doesnt make me a bad person or insecure...I am ALLOWED to feel this way. I just don't think you should come off so aggressive...or make us feel bad for our honest feelings.

well i certainly knew exactly whether to laugh or shake my head in dismay after reading this post.

you have taken a complex issue that impacts women very differently & simplified it through a very immature filter - then strained it out for us all to accept as undeniable fact. how foolish we've all been not to have adopted this perspective - and how generous of you to have the patience to take time and explain it for us.

forgive the sarcasm - but yours is an extremely damaging point of view & one that i pray people will avoid reading.

the fact is most women do not have a problem with porn! what kate said is valid! i know my husband doesnt prefer porn to me!

however you seem bent on trying to prove otherwise! you need to get a life!

I don't think the problem is entirely about the porn.

The fact is that it distresses the poster and that the guy lies about it. I don't mind porn at all, but if I did and my boyfriend ignored my feelings about it and was dishonest, that would be a big problem.

It's only porn, that is true, but he is not behaving in a way that makes his girlfriend feel important and loved. If it means nothing then surely he can go without it, knowing that this is important for the woman he loves?

the fact is most women do not have a problem with porn!

yes, obviously. just look at all the posts from the women who have no problems with porn.

i know my husband doesnt prefer porn to me!

here we go again... no one said he did, hotdogg. this actually isn't about you, believe it or not.

however you seem bent on trying to prove otherwise!

no. i've never suggested anything about your husband, hotdogg.

you need to get a life!

sure, hd.

sure.

kate's problem is that she equates porn with sex. porn is not sex. porn is a fractured reflection of sex.

this is such a simple, but profound, point:

If it means nothing then surely he can go without it, knowing that this is important for the woman he loves?

Again...everyone has their own opinion on the subject...you dont like it...that is fine...and fair!! But to cut somebody down for their opinions....immature!!!
And to tell us to get a life....I am certainly not on this forum at 4:07 am!!!!