Forum:

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 36
Like Tree3Likes

Thread: Helping Husband Control Masturbation

  1. #21
    VIP Member Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    44

    Default


    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
    John - gotcha. Sometimes it's hard to interpret true intent online with words. In regards to me simplifying the issue, that was also not my intent. I guess my point to the OP was if he is NOT addicted to it (which she says he's not) then he should be willing to compromise the behavior with his spouse if it is causing them issues.

    I don't have an addictive personality. But I was raised with a highly addictive father and brother. I could smoke half a pack of cigs every day for 6 months and if I decide one day I should quit, I can quit cold turkey. Because for me, it wasn't an "addiction", but rather, a habit. Habits aren't easy to break, but they can be broken or modified if the desire to is there. Addiction is something totally different. I think masturbation for many men is a habit. The difference is they often don't want to modify this habit when they get into a relationship and eventually they become desensitized and it takes more and more and more to satisfy them. In the meantime, there's a woman somewhere in the shadows feeling unattractive, unwanted and like she's not enough to please her man simply because she doesn't feel like his hand does.
    So why is the issue considered the mans to deal with, and not the womans to get over? If the reason the guy masturbates has nothing to do with any woman, why should he have to stop because a woman is jealous...of a hand?

  2. #22
    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    United States - Kentucky
    Posts
    4,846

    Default

    So why is the issue considered the mans to deal with, and not the womans to get over? If the reason the guy masturbates has nothing to do with any woman, why should he have to stop because a woman is jealous...of a hand?
    I really don't know what the argument here is. Please go back and read the original post. We are not talking about jealousy here. We are not talking about for what reason a guy masturbates. We are talking about a wife who feels that the sex life she has with her husband is suffering because of his masturbation.

    So why is the issue considered the mans to deal with, and not the womans to get over?
    Well let's see....his body...his penis...his hand...his choice. Who else should be responsible for "dealing" with that? If he self pleases to the point he is desensitized to an actual vagina, and prefers his hand due to its level of friction (which is what I referred to in my last post), should that not be something he deals with so not to destroy his marriage?

    I'd also venture to guess...that if you had a wife who prefered pleasing herself alone with her toy than with you, eventually you'd get a bit tired of your sex life suffering as a result of her preference.
    Hajduk26 likes this.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



  3. #23
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    5

    Default

    TJ - I have to disagree with you on this one. If his behavior is having a negative effect on their relationship, then he has a responsibility to deal with it. That does not necessarily mean that he has to stop completely, or that she does not have to accept a certain amount of "healthy" masturbation. In a relationship both people have to think of each other and make comrpomises. If a person wants to be able to do whatever he or she wants to do, then that is fine, but he or she should not get into a relationship with another person.

    I do think this brings up a good point between habits and addicitons. I am sure there are several clinical differences between the two. I think I once read that one element of clinical addiction is inability to stop despite negative consequences and/or having a negative effect on being able to engage in normal day-to-day activities. If I bite my nails it may be a habit that I cannot quit but it's not a clinical addiction if there are no negative consequences or it does not affect my ability to engage in normal activities. (or something like that).

    Almost all of the posts have addressed the issue of motive, desire, and motivation, or the issue of one person controlling another. But the OP said that she would not want to use one if her husband did not want to and that if he decided he wanted to stop using it they would stop. So if you assume that the OP's husband wants to stop but is having difficulty, that he is agreeable to using a chastity device to help him stop, and that he has the freedom to decide to stop using whenever he likes, then how does that affect your opinion and advice?

  4. #24
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by johnsachs75 View Post
    But the OP said that she would not want to use one if her husband did not want to and that if he decided he wanted to stop using it they would stop. So if you assume that the OP's husband wants to stop but is having difficulty, that he is agreeable to using a chastity device to help him stop, and that he has the freedom to decide to stop using whenever he likes, then how does that affect your opinion and advice?
    John - You said this very well. I'm not sure why so many replies are based on the assumption that my concern is that I want to be in control of his masturbation. I am sure that a couple could use a chastity device to allow one person to take control over another person's sexual activity, but it doesn't seem like that is the only way to use it.

    When I was searching for material on how to help control masturbation I came across a forum post from a guy who said that he used a chstity device to help control his masturbation habit. He was single and said that he wanted to stop masturbating so much. He said that his weakest moments were in the morning when he first woke up because it was so easy for him to justy do it. He wanted to stop but it had become a morning habit and he was having a lot of trouble breaking it.

    To help, he bought a chastity device and he started locking himself up each night and putting the key in a different room. That way, the next morning, in order to masturbate he had to get out of bed, go get the key, unlock himself, and then go back to bed. He found that by making it less easy to do it, it was much easier to break the habit. He said that by the time he got out of bed and got the key, the desire had usually gone away and instead of going back to bed and masturbating he would just go and get ready for the day.

    I think that if I am in the shower and my husband is laying in our bed, if he has to go downstairs and get a key out of a cabinet in the garage in order to masturbate, he is probably going to be far less likely to do it.
    Last edited by busymom3696; 05-08-2012 at 07:29 AM.

  5. #25
    January 2012 Poster of the Month Array
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,185

    Default

    Busymom3696, what I haven't read here is whether or not your husband considers this a problem? If he is quite happy and content with his life, why do you want to change it? You cannot control him and his actions, you can only control yourself and your own actions. If this is the only snag in your relationship, then by all means talk WITH him, not ABOUT him. He is the one that ultimately will decide what he want to do. If he doesn't want to alter his behaviour then you have some choices to make. Do you live with him and with the way things are or do you move on into a relationship that will provide you with more fullfillment.

  6. #26
    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Tetris Champion Array Stillness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Milky Way
    Posts
    2,211

    Default

    busymom3696, I apologize for jumping to conclusions. Your example makes more clear what you're asking. I understand you now.

    I will say that I would probably initially find a suggestion like that from my wife a bit offensive, but there's not much that she could ask of me that I wouldn't do because of the trust I have in her. If I did try it and I found out she was giggling with her friends behind my back like one of the posters above mentioned, we would have serious problems though.

    I don't masturbate, but I have in the past and I still get the desire to. When my wife takes care of me that desire disappears or at least diminishes substantially. I know that some men have more of a thing for their own hands than I do, though. I just don't care much for it and have always done it when I couldn't get sex like I wanted. It doesn't leave me fulfilled.

  7. #27
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Claret View Post
    Busymom3696, what I haven't read here is whether or not your husband considers this a problem? If he is quite happy and content with his life, why do you want to change it? You cannot control him and his actions, you can only control yourself and your own actions. If this is the only snag in your relationship, then by all means talk WITH him, not ABOUT him.
    I did not really intend for my original post to get into all of this. It's not that I don't appreciate everyone's advice, but my original post simply asked if anyone had any experience with using a chastity device. But for some reason it seems like everyone wants to talk about whether my husband wants to change, or about me wanting to control him.

    To use John's analogy, I feel like I asked whether anyone has used Weight Watchers to help lose weight, and instead of talking about that everyone keeps analyzing why I want to lose weight, or whether I should want to lose weight.

  8. #28
    January 2012 Poster of the Month Array
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,185

    Default

    When you come to a forum such as this one, looking for advise, we (the other members that want to respond in a responsible manner) try to find out the information behind the information in order to make an informed response. We therefore, ask you questions, ask your motivation because oftentimes it is what isn't said that is at the heart of the matter. I don't feel anyone here has made any judgements against you or your husband. We are merely trying to provide you with our best replies to your post. Have I experience with either a female or male chastity device - no, but then I probably wouldn't have to for the reasons you are providing. Would I use them in a manner between DH and I as a role playing device or bondage scenario, probably if it had even occured to us to do this type of play acting.

  9. #29
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    28

    Default

    I'm really sorry I didn't find this thread earlier. I posted on your other thread but I'll post the same thing here too. I hope you still get this. I went through the EXACT same thing with my guy. I know addiction is a strong word, so let's just say he had developed a porn & masturbation habit that he couldn't stop. I'm fine with some masturbation, as you said, and even some porn. But my guy was getting to the point where he couldn't have sex with me anymore because he was wasting it all on the computer. I told him my concerns and he promissed to cut back but I would catch him the very next morning right back at it. I asked him if we could go to a counselor (even though I've got friends who have had no success with that route). He did NOT want to see a "shrink" for this issue and was determined to keep tying on his own.

    He was the one who actually discovered the male chastity device. We're not really a kinky couple but we like to have fun. We own a pair of fuzzy cuffs that we play around with once in a while, but that's about it. I was nervous about this crazy new idea of his. When he showed me the pictures of the ******** online I was surprised that it seemed so innocuous and not as scary as I thought. It was still weird, but he seemed to think it would really help so I couldn't say no. We ordered one on Amazon and a week later we giggled like schoolchildren as we locked up his pipi. I admit that every time I saw it on him I would start laughing. I told him it was never going to work and that he would rip it off any minute.

    I've never been happier to be proven wrong. The thing worked wonders. After only a day or so of being locked up he quickly realized that his only sexual avenue was now through me. He started redirecting all that sexual energy back to me, offering me back rubs, foot rubs and even going down on me.

    1) It's going to take some work to figure out what fitting and what device works best for a man's body. We've since left the ******** behind and have upgraded to a Cage device from Chastity Heaven. It's a metal device but it's not as scary as it sounds. In fact, it's much eaier to keep clean it's more secure. So don't give up if the first device doesn't work perfectly.

    2) Even though it was my guy's idea, chastity can be pretty tough on a guy. That's why you have to keep it fun! Teasing is the name of the game. You can't just lock him up and chuck the key and turn yuor back on his sexuality. You have to work with him, work him up, set goals for him to work towards and keep stoking the fires of his passions. If it gets too boring or difficul he just mike brave the trip to the locksmith.

    3) Someone above commented that you'll have to let him out eventually. Do you? I didn't. It takes 21 days to make or breaka habit. So yes, if you want to let him out after 21 days he should be cured of his masturbation habit. (Now, he can reform it if he's not careful.) But inour case we found that we loved the chastity game so much (especially me) that we're still playing it over a year later. He loves how he's on a constant sexual high (since he never gets to cum anymore and I tease the ******** out of him) and I adore the attention he lavishes on me.

    Male chatity play is very fun and it's not as kinky or manipulative as others have implied. Just have fun with it and help your guy get back his romantic streak.

  10. #30
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    1

    Default

    I am in a situation very much like what JanieMarie has described above and it is an absolute hoot. I haven't had an orgasm in 26 days but we have had sex pretty much every night and a lot of mornings too (she is 22-0). It is certainly beneficial to our relationship and intimacy. Kissing all the time (children are starting to complain), back rubs, massages and lots of teasing. Once you get over the idea that sex is not just about male climax, it is an insane and thoroughly enjoyable experience.

    In terms of our relationship, because we are into this together it is fantastic. I am certainly more devoted and my wife describes it like one long second honeymoon. She is by no means that kinky but is really enjoying the fun. Hence this is day 26 of what started as 'lets see if we can go a week'.

    JanieMarie is absolutely spot on that you as the keyholder have a job to do. It is not a set and forget device. If the teasing and passion stops, so does the desire to be locked up and I imagine off it will come and back to Mrs Palmer.

    I do think that the relationship needs to be in a pretty good place for this to work though. If there are other underlying problems, maybe iron them out first and then lock him up.

    Getting started a CB6000 or 6000s depending on his size are a good introduction. Try and avoid buying a knock off device, the real thing is superior in finish which is important when it is attached so intimately to his tackle. A practical hint is if he is not that big when totally flaccid, go to the smaller tube option as if you are grower the longer tube can actually be a bit painful when he tries to stand tall.

    Hope that helps and have fun if you try it.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Husband's Masturbation
    By busymom3696 in forum Husband/Fiance
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-12-2012, 04:15 AM
  2. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 05-04-2012, 07:45 AM
  3. Helping your husband say goodbye to his mother
    By JustHormonious in forum Husband/Fiance
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-11-2010, 11:35 AM
  4. Is helping yourself okay?
    By manspoint in forum Sex
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 02-04-2010, 04:48 PM
  5. My husband watching hiding masturbation videos
    By Katya23 in forum Husband/Fiance
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-20-2008, 04:18 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Beauty & Style | Fitness & Nutrition | Family & Relationships | Sex & Sexual Health | Physical & Mental Health | Girl Talk | Forum Home
Home | Health Library | Contact | Terms Of Service | Contact | Privacy Policy

© Womens-Health.com 2014 and Emerge Media