Thread: First time attempt involves humiliation...

Hi everyone this is my first time posting on this forum. I need some advice. I'm 24 years old and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for 5 months and both virgins. Last night we tried to have sex for the first time but had some problems. My boyfriend, like me, is very insecure and he'd been extremely worried about how he would perform (although he's been amazing at everything else). No matter what I did or said, he couldn't keep it up. He's never had a problem with it before. He was completely humiliated despite me trying to comfort him and telling him it was ok. Also I think part of the problem was me. I was really tight and I know I was a little tense because we were both nervous. The anticipation and the whole thing being built up wasn't making it any easier. I'd been alone for years before him and he'd never even been in a relationship before. Everything else has been so perfect I guess we almost expected this to go perfect too. Please somebody help. What can I do to get us to both relax?? Especially him. I love him so much and I want him to be comfortable. Advice is appreciated. Thanks.

sounds like both of you were a little nervous and expecting too much the first time..next time decide to just kiss and touch and forget about penetration..relax, take your time and explore each other.. if he thinks there will be no intercouse he may be more relaxed and therefore may have little trouble maintaining his erection..have some lubrication on hand just in case; things may get so arousing that you may want to try again..if again he can't penetrate, realize it is the combination of his trying to hard and your tightness and laugh it off..just try again next time, eventually it will work..just don't make penetration your main focus..good luck and relax..

I assume you have done everything else but penetration? Try this: Hes on his back and your sitting on top facing him. His penis is erect against his abdomen and your clit/vagina is resting on his penis. Now you slide/grind forward and back over his penis with your vagina. This is about as close as you can get to penetrative sex without penetrating and you should both be able to orgasm from this. The point being is it's one more "baby step" to penetration. Once you are comfortable with this (done it a few times) then the only difference will be him inside you. Good luck!

first time sex always sucks big time. First time I had sex it took a good two months and an entire tube of lube before it was comfortable for both of us. Don't have too high of expectations, real sex is NOTHING like porn, so don't expect it to be that way. Real sex is about being together and experiencing something raw and emotional. Did I say its intimate? Just keep going, it'll get better. Fortunately, sex is something that practice is fun and makes you better! People over 40 are probably way better lovers than late 20ies like me!

I had a friend with the same problem - couldn't maintain an erection for first time sex due to anxiety. He told his doctor who ended up giving him a free trial for some viagra equivalent. He didn't need the drug as much after they had sex and that initial hurdle of nervousness was passed, but he did keep the prescription for a while, you know, just to see what kind of fun you can have with a 4-hour erection

one thing you might try is to have him give you oral sex ... several times

i almost never reach orgasm through intercourse, but can easily reach orgasm through oral. except for the intimacy factor of having my hubby inside me, which is important too, intercourse isn't the part that i like. it is more his thing ... so in that area any position he likes is good enough for me ...

the point being ... if he isn't under pressure to make you climax through intercourse, especially if he has already satisfied you, he won't get stressed out. actually when we started having sex i had to basically tell hubby to "hurry up", because he didn't understand that i was already satisfied ... and he'd try and try to make me orgasm ... again ... which just wasn't going to happen. fun yes. pleasurable yes. but not the best thing for me

you two are just really nervous about it, and the nerves are getting the best of you. If you really want to have sex, start off with alot of foreplay to really get each other going...like it was said before, maybe start off with a little oral sex and then move into the intercourse. Good Luck!!

Hey Scarlet -

I can't speak for everyone, but the "first time" is certainly not glamorous. Its more about the connection, because usually its uncomfortable - he'll probably orgasm very quickly, you might not at all, it may be uncomfortable at first for you, etc.

And being so driven to "just do it" can cause him to lose his erection or you to tighten up, or both. I think you're afraid to fail him, and he you. But it will be okay. And its supposed to be fun!

I advise you guys to say to each other, "No matter how crazy we get, we will NOT do it tonight." And then you'll get all hot and heavy, and you'll do it! lol, really, it works.

Good luck.