Thread: BF addicted to porn

As far as catching him having a wank watching some porn: definately not cheating, and it's an issue of your self-confidence.

If however, he won't be intimate with you, then perhaps it is quite a problem.

I feel that I should be the only woman that he looks at in a sexual way and even if there is no physical contact he is still mentally thinking about someone else.

exactly. and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to be the sole object of his sexual desire. you're wired that way.

he's not perfect, nor will he ever be. we all have to continually deal with our tendency to notice beautiful people. we can't help that. we need to also continually monitor the line between noticing & indulging. there is a difference.

he's indulging.


He's told me the reason he likes to watch is that it makes him cum harder.

this is also telling. in other words, porn gives him something he's not getting otherwise. people jump to the conclusion that this means there's something wrong with you or that there's something wrong with your self esteem.

what???

your boyfriend is getting more pleasure with porn than with you alone. of course that makes you feel insecure - with very good reason. the message he's sending is that you aren't enough. you'd be a fool NOT to feel that way. any of us would feel insecure if our significant other told us we weren't enough, in & of ourselves.

despite what you hear, you need to hold on to the knowledge that there is NOTHING wrong with your self esteem here. your insecurity & jealousy in the face of this kind of message is absolutely normal.

if your boyfriend said you weren't enough & you had not response, there would be something wrong.

I know that all guys jerk off and all guys like porn, so I'm not sure if I'm making a big deal out of it.

yes, we all like porn - just as we all like a lot of things. some of them are good for us, some aren't. humans spend a lifetime regulating their lives to include the good & avoid the bad.

you're not making a big deal out of it. you're having a normal & healthy reaction, and it is making him uncomfortable (which is also a normal reaction for someone who's addicted & being confronted).

I know I'd rather have him watch girls on tv then for him to cheat on me, that's for sure.

yes you would. but do you really need to settle for one of those two options? wouldn't you hope for another choice?

you have one.

To all the females,

Would you be fine with your bf...
1. jerking off to porn by himself?
2. wanting you to give him a handjob while watching porn?
3. watching porn while having sex with you?


To all the males,
Would you lie to your gf if she didn't want you to jerk off or watch porn?

you can make some rules, too, don't forget. you don't have to monopolize the relationship, but you can draw your own lines in the sand regarding what you can & can't tolerate.

regarding your question - i've done both. i lived for years lying about it. it wasn't until i became honest & allowed the relationship to the just the 2 of us, with no porn, that i was able to experience real intimacy.

for your sake & his, hold him to a high standard.

The fact that you say that he has told you that it makes him come harder when he watches porn is telling.

He is not addicted to porn, for he is only watching it when he want to get off. He isn't watching it compulsively and porn isn't interrupting his normal daily routines (i.e. work) so it doesn't seem to have any symptoms of addiction.

The truth is, he is telling you the truth. He has found something he likes. The fact is, for males especially, that orgasms are more intense when they are brought to fruition by masturbation (your hand in this case) aided by visual stimuli. It is just a psychosomatic response and he will get bored with it soon enough.

If it continues for a few months, sit him down and have a talk with him. Use mostly "I" statements (I feel alone. I feel unwanted. I need more attention) not "You" statements (You are neglecting me. You make me feel ugly. You need to give me more attention.). If he doesn't respond to your needs that you are putting out blatantly putting out there, then there is no reason you need to be with him because he is being a selfish little boy.

If you need someone to talk to or anymore advice don't hesitate to PM me. I am a Family and Marriage counseling student, so I know a little bit here and there

And please, do not go freaking out and thinking that your boyfriend has a porn addiction and DEFINITELY do not accuse him of such. It will only cause strife.

addiction has been defined as the persistent continuation of a habit in the face of negative consequences brought about by that habit.

none of us are really familiar enough with the details of your situation to tell you whether he's addicted to porn or not.

but you do have a guy who can't seem to function sexually without porn. he repeatedly stops sex with you so he can engage with porn while you masturbate him. you've noticed - even after telling him that this bothers you - that he still fixes his eyes on the porn (again, engages) while having sex with you.

seems really clear that he can't function (not that he prefers it, but needs it)without engaging with porn. you've shared that he loses his erection when you're performing oral - unless he can engage with porn.

if that's not a negative consequence, then at least we might think that continuing to do something he knows bothers you would be a negative thing for him.

bottom line: the sexual relationship is suffering because of his inability to stop engaging with porn.

i wouldn't think you're concluding he might be addicted would be outrageous at all. in fact, i see just about every sign of addiction.

inability to stop. inability to function without it. negative reverberations on those that love him.

i'm not telling you to accuse him of anything. maybe don't share any of it with him - that's your call. but confrontation will always bring strife.

and that strife is necessary for healing. don't shy away from it simply because it will be difficult.

i don't want to get into who knows what - and this post is obviously in direct contrast to pixie's. she & i have briefly debated porn before & we're on two opposite ends of the spectrum here. so this is not a deliberate attempt to argue with pixie - we disagree & we know that already.

i respect her advice to you, but disagree with it pretty passionately. just want you to consider both sides of the coin.

Whilhiem, I don't really disagree with you and I totally respect your opinion. I completely agree that porn addiction is a problem. I just feel that jumping to the conclusion that a man is addicted to porn anytime a woman expresses that her significant other watches porn and she doesn't like it is a bit crass. Most of the cases i've seen on here seem to be not about porn addiction and more about men who just don't care enough about their women to respect them and their wishes. Granted, some of the men prolly DO have a problem but I believe most of them are just insensitive or down right just don;t care what their women say/feel/want.

I think what this woman needs to do is compromise with her man a little. Try something new, get him INTERESTED in sex with HER again. Right now, when he is having sex with her he is really just using her as a masturbatory tool. He is more interested in the porn than he is in her and having sex with her.

My advise would be to try new things. She said he has expressed a desire to try anal sex and that he becomes more turned on when he is watching anal porn, I understand a lot of women are scared of the idea of anal and shy away from it but I believe if this woman wants to regain the interest of her man she should try a little anal play to see if she enjoys it (can't knock it till you try it ). I'm not saying she should let him plow her *** as she bites a pillow and deals with it, I'm saying look into anal beads or a small plug and explore. Their relationship needs some spice. I believe that is what the man is using the porn for, an alternative avenue for the spice he needs in his relationship.

Perhaps sit down with him and ask him what you can do to help him become more interested in you again. It may help with the excessive porn use.

The reason I say he's addicted to porn is because he always watches it and lies to me about it. I've caught him masturbating to it and I've seen him watching it when he doesn't think I'm around. I've also seen the websites he goes to on his computer, but yet he denies it. Why would he keep doind it and lying if he wasn't addicted?

I've tried anal with him twice. I'm a small girl and it hurts me to do it. The first time it hurt so bad that I cried and he didn't stop until he was finished, so he did plow my a$$ while I was biting on a pillow. After he was done I was bleeding and it hurt for a week. The second time he didn't even go all the way in and it hurt so bad I stopped him. Anyways, I don't think I'm willing to give him anal bc it hurts me too much.

Pixie... would you be upset if your man masturbated to porn without you? What if I decide to give him anal and he turns on the porn mid way through?

Originally Posted by panda1981

Pixie... would you be upset if your man masturbated to porn without you? What if I decide to give him anal and he turns on the porn mid way through?

Nah, not really. I masturbate to porn without him. Can't really get mad at him for doing the same thing I do.

Originally Posted by panda1981

I've tried anal with him twice. I'm a small girl and it hurts me to do it. The first time it hurt so bad that I cried and he didn't stop until he was finished, so he did plow my a$$ while I was biting on a pillow. After he was done I was bleeding and it hurt for a week. The second time he didn't even go all the way in and it hurt so bad I stopped him. Anyways, I don't think I'm willing to give him anal bc it hurts me too much.

Ok, I'll give ya that. You've tried it and he was a **** about it. Don't do it again. I don't know why you would want to stay with him if he would do that to you. That is abusive behavior and it scares me when women say things like this and think it is no big deal or don't make a big deal out of it.

It doesn't sound, to me, like he really gives a **** about you so why do you stay with him? I think that is the question that needs to be answered here.

We've been together for a long time and everything about him except this is perfect. He is absolutely the perfect man! I guess I know how Lorena Bobbit felt when she did her dirty deed.

I've talked to my girlfriend about our first anal event and they expressed some concern too. I guess it would be border line rape, but it only happened that one time. It was hurt, not only physically, but emotionally too. That was the first time he really disregarded my feeling and just cared about himself. I felt abused and violated bc he would not stop even though I was crying. It was about 5 minutes of pain, but it felt like 5 hours. Then to top it off he came inside my a$$ which was so disgusting to me. I think that is the reason I'm so turned off to it.